In How to please a woman, Tango Therapist asked me to tell him what men want! But in the same spirit that "these comments are best made by a..." guy, I hope more guys will tell. Still, it forced me to reflect on what guys have told me.
Adornments come high on the list of dislikes of a lot of guys. I hear that from them often; it even features in TT's comments this week. I don’t know if that’s embellishments per se or because they’re poorly executed, but I suspect it’s the former. Most guy friends understand when new dancers move about a lot on their own - it just means they’re new. They say they have less tolerance for more experienced dancers who do their own thing, who aren't "with" them.
I know some guys don't like to hear the woman deliberately "speaking" in her dance. I don't mean in embellishments. These guys like women to do as they're told. Others love it. Some guys like women to dance the music, but others think that's their responsibility.
I think most guys like women on their own axis, they appreciate good balance, and they like the embrace not to collapse.
These things are important but, strangely, I realised these are not at all the things I look for when I dance as the guy. The number one thing I look for is a woman who wants to dance with me! Everything after that is a bonus. I look for women I think are friendly, kind, understanding, not patronising - the ego, dancing as the guy is a thing too easily bruised! I think I tend to ask "quiet" dancers but I love to see happy dancers. Once on the floor, it’s great if the woman is relaxed. I consider myself very lucky if the woman will dance close, is still, present, if we listen together, move together.
I swapped roles with a guy recently. He said, "the thing about dancing as the girl is that all that pressure you have as the guy about whether you're giving her a good time just disappears". So the best thing I think for a lot of guys, and certainly for this girl who sometimes dances as the guy, is to be able to make the woman happy. That happened for me recently and it was a joy and a revelation. It's elusive though - concentrate on that, and it won't happen. I think you have to do something else.
Regarding adornments: The best dancer does not stop me from dancing and the same for her--that I haven't stopped her. Now, after that is done, adornos are WONDERFUL. I actually like it when women might slow down a movement that I had intended faster. It as if she is saying, lets enjoy this moment, or she helps me hear something in the music that I have not heard before. Regarding dancing the music being the guy's responsibility: No! Don't tell me this. It is clearly the responsibility for both to hear the music. That is how women inspire me to dance well or beyond the limits I thought I had.
ReplyDeleteRecently I danced with a guy because there were way too many men. It was perhaps the best dance of the night. We are both musicians, and so when I did something musical, he laughed and it was such a great thing to have him expect musicality and play along with me. He told a few people that it was the best dance of the night. So yes--this is important to men, but isn't it the same for women? The best moment is when it is a 50/50 share of why it went well.
Another guy who dances with a guy :) Chapeau! More men should do it. More guys should learn that way. Is there really any other way?
ReplyDeleteIf the girl was to slow the guy down, I don't think that's an adornment. That's dancing - that's the woman speaking! That's a good thing and it's not an optional thing the way embellishments are. The woman has to dance what she feels. I don't mean what she feels by herself but what she feels with the guy. That's the same as this: "The best moment is when it is a 50/50 share of why it went well."
No, I don't like to feel, (or be told!) the music is all the guy's responsibility either. :(
And yes, I agree, dance jokes & play are some of the best things. :)