Thursday 28 February 2019

The King's Breakfast

Here is a much-loved poem about control, freedom, choice and preference.

It is a lesson to vulnerable learners to stick with your instincts. This was one of the points in How do you learn to dance tango?:

"Be open, but know what works for you. Be clear about that."



There is a wonderful reading on the Naxos Audio Books: Favourite Poems for Children.

You can also hear it read by Julie Andrews and her daughter here.


The King's Breakfast


The King asked
The Queen, and
The Queen asked
The Dairymaid:
"Could we have some butter for
The Royal slice of bread?"
The Queen asked the Dairymaid,
The Dairymaid
Said, "Certainly,
I'll go and tell the cow
Now
Before she goes to bed."

The Dairymaid
She curtsied,
And went and told
The Alderney:
"Don't forget the butter for
The Royal slice of bread."
The Alderney
Said sleepily:
"You'd better tell
His Majesty
That many people nowadays
Like marmalade
Instead."

The Dairymaid
Said, "Fancy!"
And went to
Her Majesty.
She curtsied to the Queen, and
She turned a little red:
"Excuse me,
Your Majesty,
For taking of
The liberty,
But marmalade is tasty, if
It's very
Thickly
Spread."

The Queen said
"Oh!:
And went to
His Majesty:
"Talking of the butter for
The royal slice of bread,
Many people
Think that
Marmalade
Is nicer.
Would you like to try a little
Marmalade
Instead?"

The King said,
"Bother!"
And then he said,
"Oh, deary me!"
The King sobbed, "Oh, deary me!"
And went back to bed.
"Nobody,"
He whimpered,
"Could call me
A fussy man;
I only want
A little bit
Of butter for
My bread!"

The Queen said,
"There, there!"
And went to
The Dairymaid.
The Dairymaid
Said, "There, there!"
And went to the shed.
The cow said,
"There, there!
I didn't really
Mean it;
Here's milk for his porringer,
And butter for his bread."

The Queen took
The butter
And brought it to
His Majesty;
The King said,
"Butter, eh?"
And bounced out of bed.
"Nobody," he said,
As he kissed her
Tenderly,
"Nobody," he said,
As he slid down the banisters,
"Nobody,
My darling,
Could call me
A fussy man -
BUT
I do like a little bit of butter to my bread!"

Wednesday 27 February 2019

How do you learn to dance tango?

I thought I should have a shot at answering Anonymous's question: "how one starts to learn tango?" 

Whenever something like this comes up, one ought to state one's angle. I did this with music, years ago.  My only reference point is traditional Argentine tango dance, in the (close) embrace. I don't dance much in an open hold. I don't have much to do with the version of Argentine tango which developed for performance. That is so different from the traditional tango dance that it really ought to have a different name, to avoid confusion. It is a style more in the open hold, has bigger more flamboyant steps and can seem to be as much or more about how it looks to spectators than how it feels to the partner. Younger people tend to dance it more than older people. They dance tango dance style movements often to non-tango (music) and yet call it dancing tango; they dance also to modern tango or electro tango. That said, many young people also prefer more traditional dancing in the embrace to traditional music.  It is a question of choice and preference, which is fine but many traditional dancers find the mix of the two styles in a milonga, very disruptive.

I avoid the terms 'leader' and 'follower' because I think it distorts what the dance is, which is not  about leading and following but about a simultaneous impulse to dance together.  So I usually say 'man' (or 'guide') and 'woman' because those are the traditional roles and I dance a traditional dance; but I think anyone can dance either role and, moreover, should be able to be in environments where they feel free to do so.  This is, shamefully, still not always the case in Europe or Argentina today.

With the provisos out of the way, there are two ways to look at the question.

One is from the perspective of an experienced dancer helping a beginner to learn. You would think they already know these things but I have seen many experienced, even good dancers, lecturing beginners, which automatically flags a warning and raises the question: "How good?". Even the better dancers who lecture beginners are likely to be controlling types. Control is always at some level, connected to worry and thought and fear. One can't learn much about dance from controllers because once worry creeps in it inhibits dance.

There was a whole piece on it recently, but it bears repeating: don't expect good results by just dancing with people who persist with classes. I have made this mistake scores of times, for years. I still do it, because hope can have a habit of trumping experience. But it is virtually always, ultimately disappointing and a huge waste of time, especially if you thought the new dancer originally had promise - and many do.  With so much experience and conscious knowledge that you cannot save people who are committed to classes, how can this hope possibly get a hold?  It happens because you see someone new, you dance with them for pleasure but somewhere I suppose there is the hope that the enjoyment of social dancing will win them, like a siren song, back to the milonga which should be relaxing and where there is freedom and choice. But they are usually so bent on the idea of working at dance that they separate things thus: 

Learning = class
Milonga = pleasure

In fact 'HB' made a comment similar to this very recently back on Choice.   Many people have accepted, even seem to have fed and watered the noxious weed of an idea that learning is about hard work and focused dedication, that it doesn't happen without teaching and if it has anything to do with enjoyment it is only through the camaraderie of class and the sense of achievement of a pat-on-the-head from doing something as instructed.  This, despite the widely acknowledged view that children learn best through play.   At the moment this view tends to be confined to young children, but I believe that all children, in fact everyone, learns the important things better with fun, enjoyment, pleasure, when they are relaxed, interested, focused and absorbed.  Why on earth wouldn't they? It seems to me this is the richest soil for growth and development rather than the barren soil of boredom, stress, awkwardness and a mechanistic approach to learning from which the 'flow' of natural growth is absent.

But teachers and their long term students drum into class-goers that milongas are the wrong place to learn, even that it is a terrible faux pas to learn in the milonga.  They don't want to lose students to the milonga but the new person takes their statements almost unreflectingly, as a fait accompli.  True, it is not done to teach in a milonga but that is because it disturbs other people, there to dance socially.  That doesn't mean there isn't much to learn.  In a way, the idea of the milonga as a propitious environment for learning is a silent victim of its own success - few realise how much there is to learn there - just by being in the real conditions of the social dance and by dancing with more experienced people. The deafening din and clamour that goes in class and the strident voice of the teacher tells their conscious mind that all the supposed learning they are doing is a result of their "hard work in class". What they are actually doing is working hard at crippling their natural movements and sensibilities. This idea that you can learn, relaxed and happy in the milongas, through a process of unconscious absorption doesn't get a look in; never mind that implicit learning has been a recognised concept and the subject of psychological research for decades.  

An experienced dancer who doesn't lecture new people but just dances with them is doing everything that can be done to help them. What does such a creature look like?:

  • Lets the beginner do the talking, ask the questions. 
  • Doesn't talk at them but dances with them
  • Doesn't try and make girls do stuff too early, or ever for that matter.  There is no forcing or shoving partners in dancing tango.
  • 'Follows' the partner - not in the 'follower' role but in the sense of going where the partner decides they want to go if such is the case.  It is a way of adjusting to the partner.  Note:  controllers won't do this; they will oblige you to do things their way or the highway.   
  • They will never say or make you feel: "You are not following me".  Or "You are doing it wrong."
  • Knows that beginners are never wrong, women are never wrong, and neither are guys dancing as women.  There isn't really such a thing as wrong in this dance. The guy or the leading partner always takes responsibility and not in some patronising way. S/he will really feel it.  They are a guide.  What kind of guide would blame the party for which they are responsible?
  • Dances with new guys with them in the woman's role.
  • If a new dancer (in the guy's role) does something unpleasant, s/he might show him what it was like by dancing with him. The fewer words, the better.

So how to learn if you're a beginner? 

For guys or guy role dancers:
  • Learn as the woman first
  • Ask or put word out to the experienced social dancers that this is what you are looking for.
  • Pay if necessary - not teachers, unless you admire their dance style, but social dancers whose style you like. 
  • It can be harder for guys to 'let go' / trust. That is why it is even more important to choose someone you trust and feel comfortable with. Closing your eyes will probably help. Then again, trusting someone will probably help with closing your eyes.
  • See the notes for women.
  • Start dancing the man's role when you hear music you know and love and when you feel ready.
  • In the man's role, walk.  There is no hiding anything when you 'just' walk.  The connection is very clear.  So is a lack of balance, a problematic embrace, everything...
  • Try things out.  That is how your dance will be your dance.  Following your instinct can take nerve.  Be courageous!  But never forceful. 
  • When you get to the point of wanting to do other stuff in the man's role, ask social dancers you respect how to do things you want to do. My experience is you learn what you want to do so much faster than in class. Be open, but know what works for you. Be clear about that.
  • If you ask someone to show you how to do something in a practica, and then you try it yourself, it is hard to manage keeping your place in the ronda at the same time, so practice it in the middle. And don't leave the music out of it. That way, everything will come together much faster.
  • Guys feel a responsibility to make things interesting for the woman, often with moves. Moves are not the answer. It is in the connection. That usually means slowing down, not speeding up.

For women or guys dancing in that role:
  • Find experienced people to dance with in the milonga or the practica, ones who don't lecture you and with whom you enjoy dancing.
  • Only dance with people you find nice to dance with.
  • Don't think. Listen. Sense. Feel.  
  • Good dancing is more about listening to the music and the partner than it is about repertoire and worrying about how your dancing looks.
  • Look is not feel, yet look can tell you a lot.  Still, I dance with a guy who can look positively strange when he dances but he has twenty years experience, doesn't care what people think, I trust him and he feels divine.  
  • Clue: which girls look happy, relaxed in the embrace.  Who are they dancing with?
  • Be cautious about accepting guys who walk up to ask for dances. Use your eyes, your smile and your body language instead, to seek or avoid invitations.
  • Unsolicited advice from partners is a warning sign. Also, you do not have to tolerate it. 
  • Good partners will help you into the frame of mind where you relax, not where you think, still less, where you worry you are doing things 'wrong'.
  • There is no such thing as wrong in this dance, there is just what happens. Don't let anyone tell you that you are doing something wrong. 
  • Besides, 'wrong' leads to thinking. Thinking prevents dancing.
  • When you are tolerating something through what you think is politeness, consider how polite the guy was to inflict it on you.
  • Dancing with a guy is about trusting a guy. If you don't trust him you are not really going to enjoy the dance.
  • If you close your eyes, it is easier to let go and be guided. Don't close your eyes with a guy you don't trust. Actually, why are you dancing with a guy you don't trust?
  • If you are uncomfortable in any way, don't endure it. Say thank you, make an excuse, sit down. You are not obliged to be uncomfortable or unhappy in a dance. There is nothing polite about letting someone else make you miserable.
  • Rough or forceful guys are insensitive and dangerous - to others and to your body, mind and soul.
  • Refuse moves you don't want with your body. Tell the guy if necessary. Nice guys will understand. Sensitive guys will feel it. Be courageous. Don't be passive. Learn to protect yourself.
  • Good dancers are usually the quietest ones, the ones easiest to miss. But this also depends on what you like. (See para 2)
  • Less can be more. 
  • Things happen in the pauses, if you let them.
  • Nice partners take you back to your seat.
  • If you've had such a good dance that, at the end, you are not entirely sure where you are in the room, unless the guy returns you to your seat, it really wasn't, ultimately, such a good dance.
  • Becoming a good dancer is partly a relaxed state of mind and largely about time with good dancers in the milonga.
  • Be patient. Let things develop in their own good time.
A: I am trying to figure out a way of telling how Troilo is different from D'Arienzo.
B: Best not to try. It will come. 

"El tango te espera" -- Anibal Troilo
  • Ignore words - they just make you think! So ignore everything except: Find experienced people to dance with in the milonga or the practica, ones who don't lecture you and with whom you enjoy dancing.
Be aware that anyone asking you to pay them for teaching or advice has an interest in telling you things that will make you feel you have made progress, regardless of whether you have or not.  They will also tell you things that will make you feel you should return to them.  Beginners know little so it is perfect ground for exploitation.  All you can do is realise this, consider and perhaps ask social dancers you admire what 'progress' means.  

Personally, I think it's about finding dancing that is at least relaxed, worry-free, fun, subtle, nuanced and musical with people with whom you feel a good connection.

Tuesday 26 February 2019

Guides, educators and autodidacts



"E perchè sono di tre generazioni cervelli; l’uno intende per sè, l’altro intende quanto da altri gli è mostro, il terzo non intende nè sè stesso nè per dimostrazione d’altri."

“There are three kinds of mind: the first grasps things unaided; the second when they are explained; the third never understands at all.”

Niccolò Machiavelli

The Prince, Chapter XXII (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1988)
Translated by Russell Price

(See Sue Brewton's useful piece highlighting variation in translation when quoting.) 

When I applied to join the philosophy BA course at Birkbeck College, the admissions tutor was A.C. Grayling who I've mentioned before in the context of reviews. I explained that I had started philosophy with 'comparative literature' first time round at York, but had continued only with literature because the workload was heavy and the pace of the course too fast.  In the philosophy course we had had to accept many assumptions that I wanted to stop and 'mule over' as that friend of Steinbeck's said.  But I had never lost the taste for it, had had those late night discussions and, for a year or so, attended all the amateur philosophy groups around London.  Eventually, I decided my enquiries were too random, there were too many nutters, I was fed up of traipsing around the back rooms of pubs only to hear a discussion barely get off the ground before it was hijacked by some wild-eyed, unwashed ranter; I wanted to go to the professionals now.  The professor was sympathetic, patient, authoritative, encouraging, a most civilised man.   He more or less assured me I had a place.  
- Oh!  I had thought I might not be suitable, I said, greenly.
- Whyever not? 
- Well, I just missed a 2:1 in my first degree and I have two other degrees. Perhaps someone else should have a chance at higher education.
We paid for the course though; like tango dance classes it had a phenomenal drop out rate and I hadn't realised at that point how much money talks.  He brushed my ethical worries aside and must have thought, but did not let on, that for someone approaching thirty I was absurdly naive.  Instead, he complimented my suit. 

He was slightly surprised that I wanted to do the BA rather than the Masters, but I wasn't doing it for the qualification, I wanted, I said, earnestly, the thorough foundation. I would not like to mislead you -  I did not get the degree.  In the event my first son was born in the third year of the four year course, we moved to Scotland, life changed entirely and I never did finish, but I had the gist. It was from the professor, at the Edinburgh book festival earlier that summer, I first heard mention of Kant's call to intellectual arms and to independence of thought, Sapere Aude!:  Dare to know. (See: The Coercion of Taste). 

I had blundered round those London philosophy groups on my own trying to find my way but it was when I joined that course that I found a useful overview of what philosophy was. Things were ordered, I could see better now the categories of metaphysics, epistemology, logic, ethics, the history of philosophy and the many other topics; I understood about the divide between analytic and continental philosophy.  The course had its problems and I expect I could have found something similar just with better independent reading.  Some of the academics were guides, some were educators; but we had that and the discussion with others we regularly saw on which philosophy thrives.  It is an enquiry but also, as he said, a 'conversation across the centuries'.   It was an improvement on the pubs. 

It is possible to be entirely self-taught in many areas and the young are famously good and rapid learners but while some people are born auto-didacts; in general we learn from others.  

Some, once formally educated, prefer solitary enquiry.  Henry Cavendish is a famous example.  His wide-ranging scientific enquiries in the eighteenth century meant he is a contender for the accolade of foremost scientist of his age, not, probably, that he would have cared.  Cavendish is most famous for his discoveries in physics and chemistry and his calculations for the density of the earth.  He left Cambridge without a degree which makes it tempting to speculate what he thought of his formal education;  While he did publish some of his findings, others got credit for many discoveries, which, after his death, it became clear would have been rightfully his had he been minded to publish them.  But worldly fame does not seem to have been a motivator for this most reclusive of men who remained unmarried, squeaked rarely and briefly to men, would not speak with women, and reportedly communicated with his female servants by notes. 

But just as few of us are complete auto-didacts, neither are most of us are anything like Henry Cavendish in abilities or temperament.   Most people benefit from a guide, someone who has gone before, of whom they can ask questions when necessary.  Interestingly, 'guide',  - "One who leads or shows the way "(OED) - prior to its journey through old French, is, according to Google, of Germanic origin, related to 'wit': "the capacity for inventive thought and quick understanding; keen intelligence."

Note: ' Educator': "A person who educates, trains, or instructs" (OED); - not the same thing at all.

In summary: a few discover alone, many benefit from a guide, others are crippled by educators.

Monday 25 February 2019

Natural learning




On Choice Anon asked:


Basically, the question is how one starts to learn tango?

I also went through confusion and frustration of tango classes, tried many of them, but realization and clear sense of direction came only after carefully reading and rereading "Tango and Chaos in Buenos Aires".

Well, anyway, what is your take on how one can start learning tango without wasted effort, money and time on disinformation given in classes?

It is a many-faceted question.  I realised that one of the things I learned - and it took a while - pre-empts the question "how does one learn to dance tango".  It is when not to waste time persuading the wrong kinds of people to dance or to avoid the harm of dance class. 

Only some people will learn to dance well - and those are not many.  I think this is not so much because of an inbuilt physical inability to dance because most babies, toddlers and young children will respond, spontaneously to music.  In those who won't learn anything beyond a mechanistic dance, it is more to do with an acquired habit of mind.  Of course, many people learn that sort of monotonous, pushing and shoving, dance of the automata, dance of the cogs and are happy with it; they don't even realise they are doing it or that there is anything else.  It depends what kind of dancing tango you want to learn or, rather, what type of dance you are aware of.

And, in some communities people do learn naturally and socially; beginners learning from experienced dancers.  Just last week a young Argentinian dancer, talking to me about his family told me:
  
In those days, no-one took lessons.  
It was practically verbatim, what I remember one of the milongueros saying in the Practimilonguero videos.
- So how did people learn?
- From the family.  For example, my great aunt learnt from her parents
- Where?
- At home, in gatherings, parties with friends and families.
- Not in the milongas?
- No.

I already knew this.  Men, at any rate, only went to the milonga when they had already learned how to dance in the neighbourhood with other guys.

But since the industrialisation of tango in the 1990s, people, especially in Europe and, perhaps even more so in America, have been channelled into dance class more than they are brought to the milonga by their friends and family. There weren't any milongas in those continents, in the beginning.  They learn from self-styled professionals, show-dancers visiting from Argentina, rather than from friends and family.

"Forget most people" sounds brutal, I know. The point was made to me years ago, perhaps less bluntly, by the person who brought me to understand more explicitly, things of which I already had an inkling.  Perhaps when I say "forget most people" I mischaracterise what I thought I learned, because my friend was generous and often seemed optimistic, but I had, nevertheless, the unmistakable sense that many people's choices and ways of seeing things had been limited by dint of going to dance class.  There was also the related thought that the people who choose to go to dance class are self-selecting. 

If you don't know anything about tango, you are not going to be aware of the milongas. So just walking into a milonga isn't going to occur to you. And not many would have the nouse or the nerve to walk, as tyros, into somewhere where there is already an established tribe. But how would someone start who wants to learn to dance tango, yet knows nothing about it nor no-one who dances? The obvious answer in Europe, these days, is class. I, too, was that person. I was bored with ceilidh dancing and someone suggested tango. How would we learn? Go to a class, what else? 

I think the idea about people who choose to go to dance class being self-selecting was, rather, that those who are attracted by being told what to do in a class by a teacher, talking to them are never going to make great dancers, or it will take a very long time.  Tango is an improvised dance, not one where you follow sequences.  Improvisation is freedom, exploration, autonomy, the antithesis of someone else controlling and directing you.  Improvisation is not just in dance. It's part of play, it's part of DIY to watch my Spanish mechanic friend.  He calls it "magiver", something I eventually figured out was a reference to "MacGyver", the guy from the 1980s TV series with the unconventional problem solving skills.  It goes too for learning any new skill.  A good analogy for adults is language learning, or just the subtle art of conversation in your own language.  

The old milongueros talk about the importance of having your own dance, not copying someone else's.  Being directed is about thinking and talking.  Dancing is about listening to something else:  the music and the partner and it is about feeling.  The only reason I justify mentioning it is because it is the learning process that is in question here, more than dancing.

Even now my enthusiasm for people to start dancing or to quit class does a number on my experience and I am not immune from failing to remember that most people think class and want class.  I am not immune from trying to say that there is another way. But class people, unless they feel a twinge that something is not right with class, are usually irretrievably lost. In any case, many go to class for other reasons than to learn to dance; reasons often to do with getting to know people, guys finding women for whom choice in dance partner is not important, notions of self-improvement through learning something new or "doing something new together as a couple". And after seeing 'Strictly' on TV. 

When not to waste your time?

It depends. If it is non-dancers, potential dancers:
What did you get up to at the weekend? 
Oh, I went away to dance.
Tango is a big part of your life, isn’t it?
And from there you start talking about it.  You can sometimes see these non-dancers appear seduced by the idea. But experience says the impulse has to come from the person. They have to ask - will you take me? Will you show me? Or respond positively if you offer. 

Occasionally, people I encounter outside the milonga, have asked me to ‘teach’ them.  They say 'teach', but to me this means that I just dance with them, which is enough. The strangest place I ever danced with non-dancers was in a garden where a woman's group met weekly.  It was fun and they enjoyed it.

Sometimes non-dancing guys ask me to teach them to dance.  They suggest I show them in some private place, without others watching. Their claim is they are shy or embarrassed.  But my instinct and experience are that the guy invariably has some non-dancing interest.  So now I say I’ll be delighted to dance with them - in a practica. Invariably their interest vanishes. Using dancing tango as some pretext.  is a form of manipulation. If they can’t cope with a quiet practica, where the interest in a beginner guy who can’t dance is practically zero, then there isn’t much hope for them.

What about the people who currently do lessons? Those I see in the milongas who still do dance classes are happy with them, want to do them, think they are beneficial and have usually invested too much time, money and energy into them to consider that there might be a better way. It is vanishingly rare that someone goes to lessons and dances well (for me). It is practically non-existent. A handful of times, in seven years - if that - I have met guys who did lessons within a couple of years of when I met them and who danced well.

I think it was Ricardo Vidort who said those who really dance are very few.  This blog had a subtitle for a while, stemming from that idea that only some people are ever going to get any of it.  The motto was,  Aut sensum, aut non:  "Either they feel it, or they don't."  The motto was inspired by that of Dennis Severs' house in London:  Aut Visum Aut Non! "Either they see it or they don't."  The motto arrived much later but the broader concept behind it  - that some people get things and other people never will - was an early lesson by which I just mean it was an idea that came up in conversation in what I eventually realised was a mentor/mentee relationship.  

At first, I balked at the idea behind the motto.  It smacked of elitism.  First I had to fess up consciously to the idea I already, from my own experience, more than suspected -  that dance class didn't work.  The next jump was accepting the notion that dance class was in fact harmful.   But soon enough it made sense.  Then I thought surely everyone would get it if only the message were clearly enough conveyed.    It took much longer to realise in fact that they won't, they don't want to and it is too antagonistic a notion for most people to handle.

You try to explain that dance class teachers are invariably in it for money or status and that they are controlling the learning experience in ways that suit them, in ways that are to do with making money and that don't, in fact, create good social dancers.  You try to say that class is about thinking and dance can never be that, but people just close their minds to it.  Or they see it, but it's too much effort to sustain that apparently difficult idea and they fall back into the rut of brainwashed thought and what everyone else is doing.  They just don't want to think too much and they want to fit in with the self-styled "community" of those same dance teachers.  Or the idea that they might have wasted hundreds, thousands of pounds on years of dance classes is too much to bear.  But this I had to find out for myself, long after the point was first mooted.  Experience, after all, is when you really learn.

 So, don’t waste time trying to persuade class-goers not to do dance class. The most you can do is plant a seed.  The growth of a seed is an autonomous thing, and slow, but still, miraculous.

Sunday 24 February 2019

Non-dancers


A: ...It is difficult and dangerous to generalise.

B: Indeed. These things can just be labels stuck on doors.

A: I think it’s a general issue we have, lacking nuance, using lazy binary (or ternary or...) terminology for something that is nuanced, dynamic. This applies to relationships, and politics ('Leave', 'Remain', blah blah)

B: It's what humans are - nuanced I mean - but I feel we live in a world where that's in short supply. In a way it's good because it means it's rare, which ought to mean it should become more valued.

A: It should be valued more, but only by a few who realise we are nuanced, our systems and conventions do not identify them, politics (in the UK) is becoming super binary as is the media (the two are highly correlated). And there are no alternative systems to compensate...

Sorry, it’s one of my pet peeves, how bloody black and white everything is these days and so few people slow down to think about what we are doing, where are we heading...

B: I couldn't agree more. Almost by definition nuance sits outside of systems. Except perhaps nature where we find that when a delicate, complex eco-system is disturbed even in an apparently small way, the effects can be devastating.

Where do you find nuance? In good books, films, art - things that interpret or inform meaningful human experience. And it's in meaningful human relationships. I think nuance is correlated with meaning and understanding. It's sensitive and easily crushed. The things that are popular in the world are the crushing things: politics and the media, agreed, but also systems like education, healthcare systems, business, money, status, power, control, advertising (which includes all social media), conventions...

I think as long as you enjoy the low-hanging fruit of an unreflective life, nuance doesn't matter to a lot of people but I think the people who miss it feel it badly. If you need that it can be hard to fit into modern life.

A:  Dancing the Argentine tango must be exhilarating?

B: Yeah, dancing tango, if you find the right people, can be a marvellous antidote. It's all about that really - a real and nuanced connection with another person and all while moving to this amazing music. 

A: I need to get out more and talk with adults about things other than work.

Shame I don’t dance ;-)

B: :) Well, let me know how many you come across that're into nuance and shade :)

"Shame i don't dance". 

Yet... :)

A: I really don’t dance... but I like to watch

B: Tango's no panacea, sensual drug that it is. Most people don't dance that way. And when you find someone who does, more than likely you've found them somewhere halfway across Europe after several fruitless trips. They're never round the corner. When you find someone you dance well with, it's indescribably wonderful for the 12 minutes you spend with them and that might be it. It will be the highlight of the trip but ultimately, where does that leave you?

And, inevitably it has politics too, between groups and individuals. A lot of communication in the milongas is nonverbal, including the invitation to dance so when you mix that with the fact that everyone is watching and pride and machismo you can imagine how many misunderstandings that leads to...

A: I will certainly give the tango a wide berth :-)

I guess the high you get from the dance, the connection, you want more of it?

B: It can be addictive, especially at the start. It's a good thing to do if you travel solo, it's also sociable, international, because there's less talking the nuance factor is high, as is the intensity of the feeling. And then, of course, you're free at the end of it. It's quite a primal feeling and it's all legal.

A: You are selling it... if only my coordination skills were up for it.

B: One of my favourite dancers is a guy, thorny, like me, in character, smaller than me, older than me, bald I think, by no means slim; we dance in an open hold, whereas I always ordinarily dance in the embrace, but I love dancing with him. He is just so fun.

That's one of the things I love about the milonga. You see people of all types, all ages, all forms and they all find someone to match with. People are reminded they are embraceable. And when two people dance and something unexpected happens they are so anxious to say, "Sorry, my mistake" and the other person will say - "What mistake?" People are good to one another. I think dancing tango brings out the best in people. There are some awful characters but I never come close to them so I kind of forget they exist.

A: Sounds idyllic. Like great sex without any of the mess or complications

B: Yeah. Exactly. One of the loveliest moment I had in the milonga was in Rotterdam, dancing out of doors next to the river on the deck of a hotel. The sky was huge, the day was sunny with the Erasmus Bridge as a dramatic architectural backdrop. I was enjoying dancing with a woman who did surprising, sensual things. As sometimes happens, either I accidentally bumped into another couple or they bumped into me. I automatically raised a hand in that general direction, in apology, which is just what one does regardless really of whether it's your fault or not. Somebody that I couldn't see, either because my partner was in front of me or because it happened to the side of me I don't remember, somebody I couldn't see on the dance floor took my hand and stroked it meaning: don't worry it's fine. It was the loveliest moment.

A: Blissful. Those moments are rare, if we ever experience them

B: Thinking about it, I have had a lot of amazing moments in dance. You should try it. I never danced til I was nearly 40. I mean absolutely never.

A: I have terrible coordination, no sense of rhythm

B: That's what I thought 'til I tried it. You get that intimacy with lots of different people - legitimately, safely, in public even, yet with strangers. And as you said no mess, no complications and you can still come back for more if you like.

A: It does sound nice, the sense of community... and I would love to watch, 

B: Watching is the main thing anyway. You can learn an awful lot from sitting, listening, watching, chatting.

A: It’s the kind of thing I would love, if it didn’t involve dancing

B: I don't really think of it as dancing. Argentine tango is an improvised, walking dance after all, despite what's shown on the TV.  Ballroom tango is a completely different dance.  But Argentine tango is a way of connecting with people. A kind of deep, fast way. I met this guy once who had a poly girlfriend who used sex as a way of getting to know people. I wouldn't say I used tango that way but sometimes I wonder if that is why I dance. I mean you have a very good idea about what someone is like, as a person, when you dance with them.

A: It’s all about intimacy... sex or tango or kissing, we crave it. We crave it, when it’s missing in our lives

B: You have a facility to put into words things that I could not bring myself to say. It's a kind of courage. But I think there are lots of people who do have it and still want...more!

It has been said, famously, that dancing tango is about what happens in the pauses when you are not moving. Some of my best moments have been then - in the embrace, but not moving, at least not visibly moving.

A: I can see the attraction, to the tango

B: You get to have the intimacy with lots of different people - legally, safely, in public even, yet with strangers. And as you said no mess, no complications 

A: You make it sound perfect...

Except for the dancing.

Wednesday 20 February 2019

Choice




"A 'professional' telling two regular people how to feel about each other is actually perverted. And so leads to the perverted dance that is class tango."


“ I was still dancing steps in class trying to mesh the woman's step with the man's step. Whether someone looked at you was neither here nor there - and no-one did because they were all being directed.”


Choice was never part of tango dance class. You were put with a partner, or you rotated partners or you just got whoever was left, like at games, in school. I went to a dance class once where you did have a kind of choice of partner.  You wandered about until you found someone, but that still isn't a real choice.  In a class, ultimately you have to pick someone.  Choosing who to embrace isn't part of it. But then in dance class, there is no real embrace.   Like automata, participants act out the mechanics of whatever the teacher directs and sets in motion.  In life, whether a kiss happens or not is in large part, down to the right moment.  A different atmosphere creeps upon the couple, like an enveloping mist, the rules change or perhaps they fall away, and there suddenly, you are.  But it is something private, something that grows between two people and is easily disturbed.  Thus it is with an embrace, in dance or in life. A kiss, an embrace, a mood between two people all have their own, delicate timing. These things cannot be forced, built by others or decided for you.  Why are so many gulled into thinking they are directable operations?  There is no "being directed" in dancing tango.  Where that happens in class, participants are just cogs, grinding badly with other cogs. There is nothing natural about that; it is just some sorry, distasteful, lurching simulacrum that has nothing to do with dance.

Freedom and the creative process
Those moments where good choice comes to fruition, where something glimmers then grows because the environment is healthy and natural, are by no means limited to interactions between people.  I heard a writer describing how, if all is well, the creative process is something that happens largely unconsciously.  Eventually, you come to write down what has been growing away, forming itself at the back of your mind and it almost writes itself.  But on one occasion he arrived at the point where he was supposed to get the writing done - perhaps there was a deadline for a book - and there was nothing there.  The unconscious creative process hadn't happened.  I had to jerry-build that section, he said, and it was hard work.

Distraction
I went to milongas early on, attracted by being able to choose who I danced with, when, and to what music.  But I was too shy to look at guys I might have liked to dance with. If someone had looked to me, with a notion of inviting me to dance, I wouldn't have noticed anyway.  I was already so absorbed with technique and dance homework. Those guys were too good, anyway, so I thought, to want me although this feeling changed as I discovered some of them did. 

Doubt
Doubt is a feeling familiar to many women in the milongas, especially beginner women. The same is true in life, if you ask them. Doubt, hesitation is more characteristic of women than of men. It goes with our biology. We have to choose, are careful. A hesitating man will never make a great hunter. It did not matter much - most people seemed to arrange dances with their friends. In Edinburgh, the environment was not conducive to an invitation by look, to dance. The light was dim and cortinas were not played at the end of a tanda, which causes all sorts of problems around invitation. Instead, I chatted, gradually met many people and thus became known and danced. Sometimes, in my first year, I would beg for tango miles. It is embarrassing to think about it now, but if you are not brought up in a good environment and, as happens in many places, you are left to sink or swim, you won't know what's what and you will just try to find your own way. No wonder people choose the supposed security of class compared to stumbling about on their own.

Control
But in class one was told who to embrace - sometimes forcefully: Come on, embrace him!, I was ordered, my hand pushed around the man's shoulders, my chest shoved against his, as though we were the filling on some abhorrent sandwich made by the teacher's hands.  Come on! -  no matter that I had seen how my 'partner' liked to rove his hands all over young women, or smelt or was just Eugh! I remember talking to a guy about how dance class could be dreadful because having to rotate partners, there was no free choice. He said: "Oh, I don't find that. Few girls are unembraceable." In that moment I realised that girls don’t necessarily feel the same way about guys.  Yet this week, a man, a non-dancer, someone for whom nuance is important, made the point: 

I think men are not all the same...

Tuesday 19 February 2019

The quiet ones

Thinking about those guys who are not players, the guys who have a sense of the woman, I am reminded of a conversation one night in club Gricel in Buenos Aires. It was with the milonga organiser, Daniel, one of my favourite people to talk to in that city, about milonga life. I pointed out the guy who had shown me what a real dance was like, thinking he must be a well-known good dancer and astute Daniel would know him or know of him.

- Who? he said.
- That guy, I said nodding in front of us.
- Which one?
- Look, right there, the very quiet one, in the middle, in the t-shirt and jeans.
- Him? Really? 

And then I remembered: of course he wouldn't know. Look is not feel and he wasn't a woman.

Monday 18 February 2019

Games and Players


Photo by and (c)2008 Derek Ramsey (Ram-Man)
and the Chanticleer Garden via Wikipedia. [CC BY-SA 3.0]


The dance teacher, from Italy, was preoccupied with the holiday and with teaching but occasionally we chatted. He was intelligent and interesting. I forget exactly the question I asked but it was something like: what did he enjoy most about the milongas or about dancing tango?  He smiled and said it was when he was in the ronda and he spotted a girl, sitting, watching, who also noticed him. Perhaps she looked away but when he came round again he would see her once more and they would play that silent game of recognition between a man and a woman. It wasn't quite that brutal game with daisies: ‘he loves me / he loves me not’, but: ‘he wants me / he wants me not’.  I have heard it called the look, look away game. And then he gets her, maybe not always, and not straight away, but sometimes. I could see the attraction, but I was callow then.

Recounting the story to my teachers when I got back, the female teacher looked disapproving.
- What's wrong?
- What he said - it isn't done.

What the Italian had said made sense in a guy-girl way, but not in a way that I understood or practised in dance. I was still dancing steps in class trying to mesh the woman's step with the man's step. Whether someone looked at you was neither here nor there - and no-one did because they were all being directed.

It wasn't until much later that I realised my teacher had disapproved because when one truly dances tango, the attention, the focus is wholly on the partner. To go looking at other girls when you already have one in your arms...I wondered if the Argentinians had a word for it.

That brief chat was a useful lesson, much more so than the ones I paid for to learn moves and technique. Later, in Buenos Aires, I saw how blatantly some guys played that game and how studiously others avoided it. When I danced with the game-players I realised they didn't dance well. But José and Roberto were among those wholly absorbed in their partner and they danced superbly. 

In Buenos Aires, it was always about that game; it permeated the atmosphere in place of the cigarette smoke there used to be. In Europe and in some of the milongas for younger people in Buenos Aires the atmosphere is different. Especially where the dancers are younger, it is more about the guys who pose and dance in a detached, flashier style, and the guys who don't.

Saturday 16 February 2019

Tyro advice

Salt windmill between Trapani and Marsala


Before booking the dance holiday to Sicily, I asked its Italian organiser whether there would be an equal number of men and women attending. The reply was evasive. The sense was that the genders were supposed be balanced, yet were not, but would be, for sure...  He would get, he said some extra local guys along if need be, to make up any imbalance and besides, we would go out to local milongas. He ticked all the boxes for Italian improvisation and their version of chamuyo, but I was already wise to Italians, if not perhaps wise enough. 

But in 2012 my children were three and five.  My husband had been in Egypt for six months, I had received divorce papers and there had been another outbreak of dry rot.  There was a helpxer staying who didn't help much and left my tools out in the rain.  It was like having a third child.  I needed a break.  The fact that I could go was sufficient to make the booking.  That it was to Italy and tango was mentioned were just the hooks on to which to hang this getaway.

In the event there were significantly more women. But it was a group which gelled. My memories are happy: of sun, sea and Sicilian food; of sitting laughing and chatting on the beach together, of conviviality, communal meals and languid, atmospheric excursions.  We did dance, of course, every day, but my memories are less of that. 





Three local guys turned up, variously, to the evening dances - all courteous, agreeable, even friendly. Being so new, everything pleased me. One of these men was good-looking, charming, experienced. He wore a white shirt, had floppy dark hair, a moustache and he danced with me.  We move on in dance and the dancers I idolised in my first few months no longer have that golden glow today. I never saw this man again and my memory of him remains untarnished.  He was fun, gentle, kind and focused on his partner. In those early months, I had already been to classes and workshops, had even had a few minutes of private tuition with the dance teacher on this holiday. But I realise now that the first piece of advice related to dancing tango that I remember, that stuck, came not from any self-styled teacher but from this good, experienced dancer whose name I don't even recall: listen to a lot of tango music

Wednesday 13 February 2019

Dancing 'tango' to non-tango music

This dialogue relates to the advert that was for a social dance event where the idea was to dance tango style movements to non-tango music.

Extract from the advert:

"I love the tempo and feel of slow Blues music which really suits the mood of a tango dance."


A: "I love the taste of a good curry which really suits the flavour of an Italian meal."

B: :) No, come on, if he wants to have an alternative milonga, that should be positively encouraged.

[How patronising is that word, ‘encourage’]

A: I welcome what he's doing. But it is not an alternative milonga. It is an alternative to a milonga.

B: Different restaurants, different dances. You can dance tango to different music.

A "You can eat curry to different food."

B: Some people enjoy it & they can all do that together. I enjoyed it, last time I did it. I spent a good part of an evening dancing tandas to Nina Simone and similarly alternative music after a grandfather from Hackney persuaded me into it and actually, I had a really nice time. Gone is such innocence!

A: You didn't dance tango. You danced Nina Simone. Nina Simone is not tango.

Monday 11 February 2019

'The tango rhythm'

That advert continued:

...Ive also become aware that many songs of a pop nature also have the essence and feel of the tango rhythm and could easily be danced to and enjoyed in the atmosphere of a ‘milonga'. This event is for any tango dancers who would like to enjoy dancing to songs that they wouldn’t otherwise hear at a ‘traditional’ tango social dance, and also in an environment that still retains all the soulful structures, rhythms and feel of a ‘milonga’.

A said: "The tango rhythm" does not exist in Argentine tango. It does exist in English tango, now known as Ballroom tango.

B said: Maybe he is talking about the beat.

A said: There is no beat characteristic of tango. Even tango's metre is not characteristic of tango.

Friday 8 February 2019

Non-tango music

A couple of years after that holiday I came across this advert (in italics) for a milonga in Aberdeen, Scotland. I sent the advert to a friend, 'A', whose remark follows, in square brackets. 

“Tango with a Twist - Alternative milonga”:

Hi all tangueras and tangueros :-) and Dance lovers. 

Due to the success of the last Alternative Milonga, where there was lots of funky fun to some pretty tasty tunes, you will be glad to hear, that :-) there is another one being held for those who enjoy dancing Argentine Tango. It will be the same format as the previous dance, ie fun, funky and informal. Oh, the music. yes, the music...

Well, Ive been dancing Argentine Tango for 2 and a half years. In that time Ive listened to many beautiful tracks from the golden age of tango where the bandoneon and the orchestra are integral features of a tango track. I am an unashamed music lover and love dancing to any music that has ‘soul’. I love the tempo and feel of slow Blues music which really suits the mood of a tango dance.

[A: "I love the taste of a good curry which really suits the flavour of an Italian meal."]

Thursday 7 February 2019

Non traditional music

Simplemente got me thinking again about non-traditional music.

When I was three or four months new to dancing tango I went on a holiday to Sicily for about a week.  The holiday was organised by an Italian tango dance teacher. The others on the holiday danced in or near London. On one of the last days we were all sitting on the terrace in a non-dancing workshop, chatting about music. I asked the teacher what he thought about electro-tango.  He looked somewhere between uncomfortable and disappointed.  That music was played often by my teachers at the time, in their tandaless milongas of random music, which nobody who wasn’t or hadn’t been in their classes ever attended.   It wasn't until much later that I realised this is common in milongas that play non-tango, or neo-tango music.
- Well, said the Italian dance teacher. It isn't what I like.
- Why not? I persisted. A lot of people get up to dance that music...
From my perspective and at that stage, everyone danced well. He looked sceptical but there were some murmers of agreement.
- ...even in Glasgow! I blurted, thinking of the monthly dances in the grand hall in Maryhill that were extant at that time. My lessons were not in a city and in my blinkered view at that time Glasgow was the apogee of the social dancing. But from the atmosphere on the terrace in Sicily I could feel some people were uncomfortable or preparing for an expected controversy around traditional and non-traditional music. The teacher spoke about layers and complexity in the traditional music. I felt a bit lost. Then he said a lot of people gradually come to prefer traditional music. After that, I more or less forgot about this conversation - or thought I did.

Wednesday 6 February 2019

The Italian Connection

Chamuyo wasn't such a good thing, said Isabella. The chamulleros want something - usually to take you to bed. Speaking to people from other Latin American countries I had heard, over the years, that Argentinians are famous chamulleros. Isabella and I agreed that Italians, in our experience, could be the same. The New York Times reports one foreign minister as saying: '"Argentines are Italians who speak Spanish who think they are British.'' There is noted cultural proximity between Italy and Argentina. The European-influenced architecture of Buenos Aires is littered with buildings from the late nineteenth century, designed by Italians or using Italian marble or Venetian glass. The Palacio Barolo, inspired by Dante's Divine Comedy is probably the most famous if not necessarily the most representative of the Italian style. Soledad, the guide at the National Congress, showed me the coloured marbles on one of the free tours of that building the initial plans for which were also designed by an Italian. The Italian connection doesn't stop there. Nearly all the tango orchestra leaders from the Golden Age of tango have Italian names: Carabelli, D'Arienzo, D'Agostino, Donato, Di Sarli, Troilo, Biagi, Pugliese. Between 1860 and 1920 more than two million Italians, many of the poorest from the south of that country emigrated to Argentina. Today, over half the country's population has Italian ancestors.

My experience with Italians began when I arrived, unexpectedly, in Italy. I had left a summer job in France that hadn't worked out. Before the summer, in York, I had mentioned to an older Italian friend, recently married: 
- I have a bad feeling about this job. 
- If it doesn't work out, come and see us in Bologna, she had said, presciently.

A few weeks later I made a phone call from France. The next morning I sat on my brother's metal tuck box in the street of a small French village in the Alpes-Maritimes waiting for the bus. From Nice, I caught a train into Italy. I was tall, slim, about twenty and had a Vidal Sassoon, height-of-fashion, 'waif' style haircut, dyed a white blonde. 

The first word I learned was BINARIO. I saw it capitalised like that when the train stopped briefly after we crossed the French-Italian border. I had never heard of the place. While the train paused, I left my compartment to buy water in the station. In English, I asked the self-assured guys at the counter about Binario. The word, it turned out meant 'platform'. They teased and flirted with me before selling me the water, doing so on the proviso that I would learn Italian. Mi raccomando, one said, wagging a finger. It was a phrase I was to become familiar with. It was said, usually, but not inevitably in jest, always in a warning tone, something like: I’m telling you; or You’d better do as I say. The men sounded faintly affronted, as well they might, that I would waltz in and expect to speak English. It was all hard to read. I left the shop disconcerted by the confusing ebbs of that conversation. This was not at all how retail transactions ordinarily went in Britain or Germany, nor even usually in France. The second word I learned in the concourse of Bologna station: Ehi! Bionda!  Escorted away by my friend I felt more relieved than flattered. I had a distinct sense of intimidation, which may not have been intended, but I was alone, foreign, young and vulnerable, even if, at the time, one doesn't think of it in those terms.

Over the next few years, I dated Italians, worked for Italians in Britain, worked in Italy and made Italian friends. I travelled there for tourism, work and pleasure. I went to Bologna, to a village, Montese, in the hills nearby; to Rimini, to Rome many times, to Civitavecchia, Cassino, Milan, Genoa, Venice, the Cinque Terre, Salerno, the Roman site of Paestum, Matera, Foggia, Pescara, Selinunte a small village on the southern coast of Sicily and to Sardinia several times. I travelled through Lazio, Campania, Basilicata, Apulia, Abruzzo. I took the train from Bologna through the north of Italy and the Alps, to Munich.

But in my late twenties, my voluntary relationships with Italians ended. I no longer wanted to seek them out. I had had enough. Too many Italians, I had found, would use and cheat their 'friends' and acquaintances for money, sex, work, status. Twice I had worked for Italians and not been paid. There was no thanks, no apology, no excuse. The people I worked for simply disappeared. Whatever the good times we spent together, these friendships or business agreements always ended badly, not with disagreement or a row; they just decided they had got as much out of you as they could and no longer needed to hold up their end of the deal.   I began to sense that the attitude towards another person was: What can I use them for? Eventually, Italians struck me to be more inclined than other nationalities I had encountered, to treat people as a means to an end. It is that slippery, sleazy frame of mind, even more than the betrayals themselves that is so distasteful. I suppose I found too many of them fundamentally egotistical. I was glad to have learned this lesson when I was young because later I watched women in their thirties, forties and fifties being exploited by various Latin chamulleros.

One summer I dated a guy who made no secret of the fact that he had a long-term girlfriend back in the city. He had vague qualms, enough to make him appear sensitively conflicted.  Back then, if you had a girlfriend that was self-defining, especially in Catholic Italy: naturally, you could only be in an official and monogamous relationship. The social pressure around sex and relationships could, in Italy, be prohibitive. But the whole country was sensual. It was Stealing Beauty and Call Me By Your Name, for real. I was never sure, whether that was because of the attractive, well-dressed people, the sun, the gorgeous countryside, the good living, the power there, of youth, or the sense of religious and familial strictures over sex and relationships that made those things illicit and tempting, but it was a heady mix. 

A few years later - only twenty-odd years ago - I knew a couple who moved to study in Scotland so that they could live together before getting married. Her parents wouldn't have allowed it otherwise. This was not uncommon in Italy. For that matter, my parents or at least my mother didn't like the idea either. After they had been away on holiday she found a used condom in the spare room bed she had made up for granny's impending visit.  My brother had had a party and his friends had overindulged. She demanded to know who had been in the bedroom and sent the offending article, in an envelope, back to the young man in question with a terse note: I believe this is yours. I hadn't been at the party but I recall, around this time, a brief, cross, excruciating lecture to which I think we were both party: Your father and I didn't sleep together before we were married and we don't expect you to either. Nobody ever mentioned anything related to this topic again. This was around 1990 but by then my parents were probably out of step with the times in Britain and anyway, didn't have the same influence as my Italian friend's parents. Once we were earning, our lives were our own, even if we, and our respective partners, had for years - absurdly, so it seemed to us - to obey parental rules of separate bedrooms on our returns to the family home.

In Italy, the significance of infidelities seemed less. Perhaps it was the bleaching glare of the sun. In those days the relationship and sexual flavours that many are open about, in at least the West today, were not discussed the same way. Now you can be not just straight, gay, bi or trans, but heteroflexible, homoflexible, pansexual, questioning, demisexual, sapiosexual, asexual, non-binary, genderfluid and even more. Your relationships can be polyamorous, monogamous, openly non-monogamous or ethically non-monogamous. These are all relatively new things or at least are more openly discussed - although maybe even now, less so in Italy. At a recent queer tango marathon, while there were many attendees from Germany and Scandinavia and a sizeable contingent from Paris, there were only two guys from Italy. I thought of the immaculately dressed Italian male dancers I had encountered in Italy and Berlin and said to the scruffier, green-haired, more anarchic looking of the two queer dancers: It can't be easy being a queer tango dancer in Italy... He nodded, ruefully.

My friend and her husband went to confession before getting married. It was to be forgiven their pre-marital sex.
- Isn’t there something not quite right with doing it anyway if you believe it's wrong and you know you're going to ask for penance?, I said, feeling that things were not quite straight.
- No, she said, lightly. Not really. It's just what we do.
- And what was your penance? I asked, thinking it must be something particularly dreadful if they already knew they were going to later ask forgiveness before knowingly committing a sin.
- Oh, just some Hail Marys, she laughed.

At the end of my first trip to Italy, I was on the station platform saying goodbye to my friends. One of them was a tall, good-looking basketball coach in his mid to late twenties. He felt much older than me. He was a happy-go-lucky, attractive guy, well over six foot with floppy, dirty-blonde hair, a magnetic personality and a roguish grin. Although he had lived all over the country, he lived at that time with his family in Sicily. He looked at me and shook his head, wondering, disbelieving. There you go, he said, off on your travels, all alone. I have to go straight home to Sicily. My father keeps tabs on me. He wouldn't let me go gallivanting about, even now. And look at you, just twenty and a girl.  At the time I was just struck by how different this culture was. My freedom had a new value. But the cultural difference was already evident. Even among the young people only some of them spoke English. Italy looked in on itself and why not, when life was so enjoyable there? I was to discover his point was more practical. On the return journey, I changed trains somewhere near the border. A much older French-Italian guy, in his thirties at least, would sit opposite me in the train compartment. We would chat for a while before his conversation and his gaze changed, and he began rubbing himself through his trousers while I stared at him, chilled, despite the heat, into immobility through shock, dismay, disgust and shame, before managing to shake life into my limbs and leave.  I probably did not realise it consciously, but I had been exploited and already it was not the first time.  

Nonetheless, Italians are, at least outwardly, a beautiful, gregarious, fun and charming people. No-one minds generalisations when they are positive. They dress impeccably, somewhere between elegant and showy. But life, as I found it at that time, is lived on the surface. Presentation is all. What is important is how you appear rather than any kind of depth. They even have a phrase for it: fare bella figura, not just looking good, but making a good impression, more about seeming than being. That in itself is a kind of deception.

In York, I met a gentle Italian philosophy PhD student. He was friends with the girl I knew from Bologna. She was also about twenty-seven, recently married to a businessman who was back in their home town. When I met him the following year, he drove carefully and was as quiet and reserved as the philosophy student. They had a home filled with designer fittings above the business. Here, hospitably, they hosted me. Tall, slim, confident and fashionable, she had worked as a lingerie model for Valentino, and as a hostess for business expo type events.  It was all work by word-of-mouth and through contacts.  She wore designer clothing and was doing a Masters in Economics in Britain. Before graduation, she was expecting their child. She apparently intended to be a wife and mother.
- But what about all your education, I asked - unable at that point to see my own future. What was it for? 
She shrugged, unconcerned.
- That is what we do, she said, unconcerned, almost as though it was planned. But I was sure she would work again. 

The philosophy student also dressed well. He wore an exquisite long, brown cashmere coat. Both these academics described themselves as communists - that was what educated Italians seemed to do at that time. They saw no incompatibility between that and the things they bought or how they lived. I don't think it even occurred to them because fare bella figura was the most important thing. Professing oneself a communist was just the intellectual version of that. It didn't really mean anything. Perhaps it was a token gesture against the seemingly more corrupt Democrazia Cristiana.

I wondered if a nation so obsessed with appearance had produced any famous philosophers. It seemed not. Not unless you go back to the thirteenth century to the religious scholar, Thomas Aquinas. In the sixteenth century, Giordano Bruno is a notable and noble exception and not as well known as he should be. Where he is known, it is more for his martyrdom than his philosophy. Today, we would think of both him and Galileo more as scientists than philosophers. Italy has, in fact, produced a famous philosopher of sorts; one most known for his work on - unsurprisingly - politics. His book describes and sometimes seems to encourage in political leaders, a lack of scruple and a moral bankruptcy, excusable if it achieves the ends of power. It seems those Italian traits have deep roots because Niccolò Machiavelli lived five hundred years ago.

Maybe Italy is short on philosophers because I was often struck by the extent to which Italians are herd creatures, sticking together, repeating the same phrases, the same notions. Forever surrounded by people it is hard to think. I found they enjoyed meeting up at home or outside with friends and family, going out as a group, eating as a group, having drinks and coffees and ice creams in groups.  At this point, I was reading this piece, trying to to make corrections while my son pestered me to play cards. He remarked on the previous paragraph: 
- You can't stereotype people. It's like saying all Scots drink Irn Bru and whisky, are ginger and wear kilts. 
- But that's we did! I replied. It was a lovely, shallow life. What else can I say? They make great pizza, pasta and ice cream?
- That's stereotyping too, he pointed out, calmly.
- It's also true, I said.

I looked up a list of things Italians are supposedly good at. It was almost a list of Fs: food, fashion, family, (a!)ffection, fa' niente [doing nothing]. And design, I read aloud. My son mentioned an Italian or half Italian friend at school whose mum is, apparently a shoe designer. I looked at him, eyebrows raised to Well, then... 
- Those are still all stereotypes, he repeated, ever as calm. 
- At least they're more positive stereotypes, I grumbled. Anyway, look, his mum's a designer. It may conform to the stereotype but it's still true. That's the thing about stereotypes. 

We looked it up: 

A preconceived and oversimplified idea of the characteristics which typify a person, situation, etc.; an attitude based on such a preconception. Also, a person who appears to conform closely to the idea of a type.

(Oxford English Dictionary)


Stereotypes aren't the whole story, I said, reminding myself more than my son. They are a caricature. But things that are true can feed into them. If you don't want to see a stereotype you have to think of the exceptions. I'm not saying my impressions are widely held. I'm just saying these were my impressions. If they happen to conform to a trend then, like the shoe designer possibly Italian mum, that might not be surprising.

I wondered if I had thought of the exceptions. Primo Levi. A writer of stature, commanding international respect - no stereotype he. But what had I found in Italy? They serve delicious food, they have too many illustrious painters to list, and have produced poets, explorers, composers of great classical music and transfixing opera. Rome, indeed the towns and countryside of Italy as a whole, holds a plethora of cultural and historical riches. The cultural heritage is second to none. Their houses are immaculately clean, as are their habits. But, I realised I was dodging the issue - what about the people? Yes, I had had friends and good times in Italy. I was in love with Italy until my mid to late twenties. I visited as much as I could. I would like to say that ultimately, I found Italians to be honest, reliable, and trustworthy but it just isn't the case. It would be like saying the Dutch are quiet, euphemistic and don't worry about spending money. Or that the British are generally fashion conscious, healthy and drink moderately. This was not my experience, in general, of the Germans or the French, but it was my experience of the Italians.

Not everyone is a well-dressed Dolly-sheep. There are plenty of people dressed ordinarily. And occasionally you find the odd, angry reactionary. But if you are alone, I found Italians tend to worry and wonder if you are unwell.  It's a gentle trait.  The Spanish are the same - a sociable and smartly dressed people, but you have to go back nearly a thousand years to Averroes to find a philosopher that it would still be a stretch to call a household name. Averroes was, in any case, a Muslim long before the end of the Reconquista at the end of the fifteenth century. But just as Italy has produced an embarrassment of world-famous painters Spain too has a surfeit of world-renowned artists between Francisco de Zurbarán and Eduardo Arroyo.

I used to think the ideal life would be to work somewhere in northern Europe and go home to Italy. But I discovered that many Italians are like the Argentine chamulleros - almost entirely untrustworthy; not just to the point of letting their friends down, but of using them, of getting what they can out of them.  I asked an Italian I met in passing if there was an Italian word for it: un pallonaro he said. It is someone who lies, fibs, a storyteller. Un cazzaro sounded a lot more more vulgar. The equally coarse verb: cazzeggiare appeared to have the British sense of to mess around with someone which can have a sexual sense and not and also a sense that is both innocuous and a sense which is not, where harm is caused.  Our translation would, more accurately, also be more indelicate.  Men and women alike will do it. Italians themselves will regale you - and always have - with tales of the corruption endemic in their country. It is a cultural problem in the sense that it is spread through the culture, through individuals. It is not merely confined to a few corrupt politicians. The notion of extortion runs through the country from its criminal organisations, through its politicos to the person in the street, out for what she or he can get.

Perhaps it starts in childhood. My friend said they were going to run a basketball camp for children. They needed a waitress; I could have the job. I did it two years running. I also opened the tuck shop for the children. In the second year one of the organisers mentioned that there seemed to be a problem with the cash takings - what did I know?
- I don't know anything about it!,  I said, taken aback.
- Has anyone been taking sweets without paying?, they asked
- Well, yes... I said, awkwardly.
The son of one of the men in charge had been helping himself regularly, saying it was fine with his dad, who was aware of it.   He was not a small child.  I left them to sort that out, glad not to be part of that conversation.

I have never met such self-assured young children, which tipped into arrogance in the boys. I suppose if you are going to take your place as world-famous Italian-version chamulleros your confidence must be developed early on. In the youth hostel dining room, pasta pan on my hip, my first full Italian phrase was: Ne vuoi ancora? Or, to a table at large: Chi ne vuole ancora? Without saying No, grazie, these little princelings, if they did not want more, would ignore me or, unbelievably, wag their little forefingers at me, dismissively. Those who did want more simply beckoned me.

To grow up without a sense of corruption, dishonesty and untrustworthiness as the norm you need good role models. But Judge Falcone was assassinated by the Mafia in 1992 about the year that I arrived in Bologna. A film was made about the killing the following year. During my twenties, Berlusconi, never far from scandal, his party Forza Italia and the far-right Northern League (now just called the Lega) was on the rise. If anyone in Europe was going to get an early Trump-alike, Italy was a strong contender. The Mani Pulite (clean hands) investigation into political corruption got underway. But unscrupulousness and rank dishonesty was still everywhere.

Another friend trained as an academic. Luckily she got on well with everyone because getting a job - anywhere in Italy - was all about who you knew. Conoscenza has various meanings but the sense of progress in life being less through merit and more about who you know is so strong that it features as an example in the Collins dictionary: ha ottenuto il lavoro grazie alle sue conoscenze. She got the job because of her contacts. Being able to fix things through who you know isn't even necessarily seen as a bad thing. People who excuse nepotism will say that is how the world works and it sure is, for consolidating your own power. That friend's husband didn't get on with people and ended up setting up on his own, ever-lamenting his country's corruption. But he regularly bullied his wife to tears, drove aggressively, once driving his car onto my foot and leaving it there while his wife and I howled at him to move the vehicle. He was bellicosely charming, patronising towards women and always frightening. The last time I stayed with them, I left, prematurely, one day at dawn, desperate to escape.

I found a word, truffare, that meant to cheat, defraud and swindle. Someone who can wangle things, arrange them to their liking, is furbo, like a fox.   That was a word I learned in Italy - sometimes it was said of someone with guarded admiration.  It reminded me of a French word: futé. Like the noun chamuyo, the adjective furbo is associated with wiliness. You wouldn't trust someone who was furbo. Like a chamuyero, they might be amusing because humour lowers the defences of the prey, but if someone is furbo, he is cunning, shifty, underhand, clever in a low-level, self-interested way. There is a photograph in an article in Foreign Policy magazine on Italian corruption that pictures i furbi to me. 

But like the ambiguity over chamuyo, furbo was not straightforward for everyone. I checked in the Wordreference forums online. ‘Sandra’ said “ it doesn't exactly mean clever... usually it has nothing to do with it… sometimes it is even used with a negative meaning, as to say that that person is willing to cheat or trick...”

But 'Vasilek' said: I don't agree that this word has a negative meaning. It really means "cunning, skillful, resourceful". My italian teacher calls my cat "furbetto"...

Someone else said it meant “false”.  An Italo-French speaker from the province of Québec in Canada said they had a word, fourbe, pronounced furba, which meant to trick and was always used negatively. I realised that was the nub of it.  In Italy, tricking someone or tricking the system can - depressingly - be seen as a positive thing. Someone called 'Ant' on the forum made a point that seemed to confirm this:

I'd say that furbo/a has both positive and negative meanings; I remember an old nursery rhyme '…la furba volpacchiotta...' (the clever, charming fox, i.e. furba as [a] positive characteristic); but you may find the following bitter Italian phrase too:  '

Gli italiani si dividono in due categorie: i furbi e i fessi'

[It means] Italians are divided into 2 groups: sly persons and fools (fools pay tax, drive their cars properly, do not steal and so on…); people like me are used to whisper bitterly "sono proprio un fesso…" on many occasions

At first, I wondered if mere inexperience had meant I made poor choices in my friendships and that I had just been unlucky with the Italians I had met.  I met more of them in subsequent years. There are usually innocuous enough for the exchange of courtesies, or easily avoided when they became less so. There is perhaps no more earnest student than an academic Italian; I have never proofread academic theses by foreign students that are more bamboozling in their convoluted written English than those written by Italians.  I have met Italians who are quiet, hard-working, hospitable, probably honest. The Italian husband of a friend of mine just now is all those things, gentle, sensitive, polite and pleasant to boot - a delightful man. 

But aged about thirty I had another encounter with an Italian, this time with unashamed political ambitions. His avidity and subterfuge were work-related. His rapaciousness was cold-blooded and calculating whereas that of many Italians is merely improvised. He was disorganised as well as dishonest. His callous little coup failed though he made sure it was a British, female side-kick who fronted that failure for him. Later, I encountered an Italian with a penchant for empire-building. This one established a controlling monopoly over all the local milongas, even stopping dances to lecture the attendees. They used propaganda and spread lies to bolster their own status and discredit those who disagreed with them. But people could read the character. One after another the milongas failed, the number of attendees dropped away. Finally, they left. The community heaved a collective sigh of relief. Some of those who had stopped attending dances started to return but it was too late for others who had been turned off for good. This Italian and their acolytes surpassed in deceit, in nepotism, in an appetite for power and status and in sheer viciousness all others I have met to date. An Italian is rarely outwardly unpleasant - it is usually some kind of silent back-stabbing, a shameful, treacherous, cowardly behaviour. It comes as no surprise that that nation's wartime history is also shameful

Just after writing to this point I watched the American newsreel report of Mussolini's death.  Here is the transcript:

Bombastic Mussolini. The sawdust Caesar comes to his end in the gutter. A fitting climax to a life of treachery and doublecross. He led his country to ruin when he threw his lot in with Hitler. Oh yes, they saw some [unclear] days when Il Duce confidently stabbed France in the back. He had dreams of empire before the bayonets of the Allies deflated this false prophet [....] He was brought before a firing squad and in this manner he died, as tyrants should. He was hung up by his heels, a fitting, inglorious end.

One realises, with a jolt, how far, in seventy-four years, the media have come from those chilling statements: "as tyrants should" and "a fitting, inglorious end.

But I was astonished how many words - and even one phrase - were used in that reel that were the same or similar to those used in this piece to describe many of my experiences of Italians: treachery, doublecross, stabbed France in the back, dreams of empire, false, tyrant, inglorious.

Last year, the British writer, Martin Amis, spoke in Toronto's Appel Salon about The Zone of Interest (2014) his second novel about the Holocaust and its publication in France and Italy:

I went around Germany a bit with this novel and I admired the Germans very much for all the work they've done to purge their history of this great shame, this disgrace - which is what it is - and crime. In France where they've made no effort at all to speak of - that's not fair - but they have not made the concerted effort Germany has made by teaching it in schools and so on. You don't hear much about it in France. They certainly don't teach it....and Mitterand saying I will never apologise for La France. Their history is nothing like as shameful as Germany, but it's very shameful.

How much more is that true in Italy, where, furthermore, high and low, one still finds an excess of the cheating, double-crossing traits of their infamous Nazi leader. In Foreign Policy magazine’s article on Italian corruption in September last year there is even a claim that this failure to confront its fascist past is why it is now susceptible to populism:

Of course, this raises the question of why Italy was so vulnerable to this style of populism in the first place. Some blame two decades of Silvio Berlusconi, the flamboyant tycoon-turned-prime minister who anticipated some of the eccentric leadership qualities of U.S. President Donald Trump. Others say it’s because, unlike Germany, Italy never fully confronted its fascist past. 

But the main argument is that populism arose in Italy with the indictment at the climax of the Mani Pulite investigation, of the socialist leader Bettino Craxi, for corruption. Mani Pulite charged hundreds of people and finished all the political parties. But these good intentions left a vacuum for Berlusconi, Forza Italia and the problems of populism. It is not unlike the issues we’ve seen in other countries with sudden regime change: with the best of intentions you swap out one evil, but with no plan for the future, you find you’ve just changed one set of problems for another. Why did populism fill that vacuum.? Because according to Mattia Feltri, an analyst quoted in the article, people didn’t trust politicians any more and the antipolitica movement was born. 

Italians do superficial very well; winningly we might say. But trust is a finite resource. Broken trust is like Telephus' wound, caused by Achilles.  The wound does not really heal. The oracle had said of Achilles: "he that wounded shall heal" and he did heal it, eventually. Tellingly, only the wounder can heal the wounded.  Sometimes though, they refuse, and with some justification.  Oenone, spurned by Paris for Helen, felt betrayed and was abandoned.  She refused to treat Paris when, years later, he was mortally wounded. Remorseful, she killed herself. Such are the fruits of broken trust.

I find now that it is best to keep interactions with Italians brief and on that superficial level - if, that is, one can. Because, recall, their persuasive charm can be a virtuoso performance. It is probably what made the Argentinians famous as chamulleros. Where trust is in short supply, corruption can be endemic. It is still a running sore in both countries.

I wondered if things were changing and looked up Italy on the Corruptions Perceptions Index for 2018. It slumps on the third page of the list with a rating of 53, below Georgia, Rwanda and Costa, Rica and not far above Croatia, Saudia Arabia and Oman. It has been sliding over at least the last five years. But Argentina is way down the list with a rating of 85, between Turkey and Benin. Its corruption rating has doubled since last year.

So why did Italy not clean up its act after Mani Pulite?  I don’t think it can just be ascribed to populism.  Populism doesn’t always equal corruption. Brexit is perceived as a populist movement, and in part it is, but there are no grand claims that the British are suddenly a corrupt nation because of it. They are calling us stubborn, parochial, closed-minded, even anti-immigration, but not corrupt. I don’t think people are saying that the real problems with Trump supporters are that they are all corrupt.  But Italy does have a strong populist movement now and it still is corrupt.   Post Mani Pulite with the antipolitica movement, trust had gone in politicans, the people were the future. But you need politicians to run a country.  People are politicans and vice versa.  The problem is not with the politicians, it is with the people.   The article says:

In fact, some of the figures who first jumped on the anti-corruption bandwagon eventually turned out to be, well, corrupt.

 And that is my point: that corruption seems to be endemic in Italian society which is why a change of political parties in power has not changed things. One isn't enamoured about saying things less than palatable about others, especially a whole culture, even when the things one says are tempered. And yet, one can't sit on one's convictions, hope they'll shut up and not test them out. I was relieved to find that I was not alone and that it was not prejudice borne from personal experience that had brought me to a false belief that corruption and exploitation exists in the mightiest of offices and in a smaller way in modest houses, cheating the government and even between 'friends', neighbours, acquaintances, employers and employees, because the article ended thus:

In the end, [Gherardo] Colombo [one of Mani Pulite’s top judges] said, Mani Pulite “didn’t solve the corruption problem.” Despite the overarching anti-corruption rhetoric, Italian politics is still corrupt “on every level,” he said, from top politicians taking bribes to the general public cheating on their taxes. The paradox is that Italians are constantly “complaining about politicians who repeat, at the top, the same behaviors that many ordinary citizens demonstrate, on a smaller scale, on a daily basis.” 

While that phrase i furbi e i fessi is still bandied about in Italy, scamming people, taking advantage of them, using them, is not just something many Italians will continue to do, it will remain something they are proud of.