Stuttgart - El Amateur milonga

Teehaus im Weißenburgpark

I loved the name, El Amateur, long before I saw the place.  That alone is a call to those who prefer traditional social dancing to events centered around the professional tango dance industry with workshops and shows.

Access

The location of El Amateur is wonderful with great views over the city.  It is not in the city centre but it felt to me like a place doing its own thing and unapologetic.  I was told there is no public transport to get there, that taxi was best. I see that public transport will only take you so far.  You would have to walk at least 25 minutes on foot and it is uphill. 

Adventure
I had left the Sunday afternoon milonga in Tango Loft less than an hour before.  By the time  I had returned to the hotel, showered and changed it was nearing 8pm and the milonga would start in half an hour.

As things turned out my friend - a local - decided to come to this milonga.  Though we had never danced he had had three failed attempts to learn to dance tango in class and was now very into the contact improvisation dance scene.  He suggested given the hour he pick me up and we go by motorbike.  I agreed after much hesitation and only after establishing his last crash had been several decades previously.  He promised “bicycle speeds”.  In childhood or teenage years my father had said I would be disinherited if I ever got or perhaps even rode on a motorbike.  The force of that statement more than any genuine threat had stuck through life.  I have had friends affected by serious and fatal motorbike accidents and seen them on the roads so have had every inclination not to get involved.  In the circumstances though it did seem like the best way - so I thought until, rigid with fear, I had to get on the thing.  He told me my skirt could not catch but I nevertheless hitched up my dress beyond I felt - once astride the machine - what decency required. Though it can hardly have been further than 3km distant and we apparently never topped 40km/hour I think it was thrilling but terror, especially on bumps, curves and acceleration overpowered most other sense. Trying to take my mind off things I wondered if I had control issues and decided if not on the salon floor then certainly as regards personal injury.

The setting 

...of the venue is casual.  You can sit outside with a drink before the milonga but I just sat down to get over things, revive feeling to my tense limbs and to remember about breathing. 

Bar

Inside there is a bar for which at that stage I was extremely grateful.  Apparently the restaurant is closed just now but there was nevertheless good value African food in the adjoining room served by a lady from the Congo to whom we spoke in a mixture of English, French and German as she spoke them all. This room also serves as the bar.

Host

Though we did not really speak I understand the host was Otto. Johannes, who I believe is the regular host, was on holiday. Entrada was by donation. We gave 10 euros apiece. 

Conditions

My quick photo makes the room look less nice than it is. It is true it is not as jazzy or as stylish as Tango Loft but the conditions for me were superb. Seating, lighting, floor, room shape and size were all ideal.  You could see all potential partners from wherever you were in the room without moving, though some guys did.   As in many Buenos Aires venues you need only move your eyes.  I feel  especially in unfamiliar places or where I am less at ease the more you have to turn your head, still less crane your neck, you start to leak discretion and the milongas for me are all about that.  We got a table and were able to keep it. I already knew this milongas has existed for twenty years. Seeing it I was not surprised. 

I had been to a cafe in a beautiful park above the city that day.  It had had the same relaxed feeling as the El Amateur milonga.

Attendance

I am poor at estimating and did not count but there was enough for a good evening. The lower end of thirty to forty perhaps. It seemed to be mostly locals who sat for the most part down the left hand side from the door with the better dancers toward the further end towards the DJ spot.  There was a handful of dancers from the milonga weekend: a group who came together including DJ Stephan, his wife with I guess their friends and one other. 

Atmosphere

It was just...quiet and focused on dancing. One or two of the Tango Loft group did not seem to dance much so perhaps they did not like it or were just tired. It was a very different atmosphere to Tango Loft.  Despite that it was all new to me and I was dancing for the most part with a brand new beginner guy and in swapped roles I felt much more relaxed here. Otherwise I found the atmosphere hard to judge partly I did not know the place, second because my friend and I were so unusual in that setting dancing the way we were. 

Music

The music was probably - eventually - the best I heard all weekend. The DJ was Mohamed of Sydney, possibly this guy, friend of DJ Stephan Resch. When I walked in though I thought I had made a terrible mistake. The music was simply awful: heavy, plodding Guardia Vieja.  I was shocked and disappointed.  It went on for at a guess two, perhaps three tandas. I went to change my shoes in the Ladies, we paid the entrada and the music was still terrible.  At this stage I had not realised the DJ was a dancer from the milonga weekend. To escape it we went to see about food and drinks next door. I started to feel euphoric but I think that was more happiness at survival than the sekt. 

I considered leaving in the time we were eating next door except that I could not just then face getting back on the bike.  I heard two or three bearable tracks, heading towards good. Had it lasted any longer I might have left or gone outside for drinks and to watch the sun go down. 

Suddenly the music changed, became and stayed wholly good, which is to say, mainstream, until near the end of the milonga. I asked the DJ about the start and he said he often started that way and that some people like it.  Some do but not I think the same people who stay for most of the rest of what he played. It is, in my view, a common DJ error.  De Angelis came up in the conversation and he said he rarely played that orchestra, I don’t know why. I think many people find De Angelis hard or hardest to “get”. It was the last orchestra for me. Not everyone likes it perhaps because some DJs can play such terrible tracks by him. I remember hearing only one (good) De Angelis track played the whole time I was at the Stuttgart milonga weekend but heard it often in Berlin. 

There was another change at about 2340 to I think possibly Varela/Ledesma Qué tarde que has venido which I did not want to dance. I felt it a shame.  I know some like this but it was so different from everything that had gone before and to which everyone had happily danced.  Many had left already I guessed because it was a school night.  I waited to see what was going to happen. It turned to I think Pugliese which was OK but I do not dance that in swapped roles and decided to call it quits.  I noticed someone else doing the same.  It was nearly midnight in any case.

Dancing

The outer ronda seemed fine. Inside the ronda were the beginners, weaker dancers, people who overtook and one or two wilder dancers though in fact we were not so many. If I had not been dancing with a complete beginner I would not have wanted to be in the middle there. 

I danced with three guys besides my friend and enjoyed them all.  Two appeared to be visitors.  “Viel sonne” remarked one, wryly, of my British, sunburned back.  I agreed in English and squirmed, still Britishly.  It was clear I had been outside incautiously that afternoon.  Then, in German: Did I not speak German? Again, I squirmed. Not enough to converse.  Like many tolerant, accomplished Europeans he repeated what he had said this time in English and agreed to my remark that his accent his was not German, telling me his country.

The women nearest me were not looking my way and given the spectacle my beginner friend and I must have made I can’t say I was surprised.

Three other guys, locals I think, I would have danced with but they did not seem to want to dance with me either. I felt rather shunned. I considered they found our dancing so awful in swapped roles that they couldn’t face me as the girl, or to an objection to women dancing in the other role, or simply an objection to a beginner guy dancing at their milonga. But with so many variables and plenty others besides it is not worth guessing. So there were some OK to good guy dancers there I had not seen at the Tango Loft weekend and the same in girl dancers.   There were also the kind of average dancers you find everywhere at local milongas in Europe.  Some local dancers stayed only for a couple of hours, arriving and leaving early or arriving later and leaving later - another reason to DJ buffet style - which the middle part was - as opposed to as an arc or mood DJ.

Second Stuttgart Milonga Weekend: Music

As far as I remember everyone played tango tandas of four tracks and vals and milonga in three.

DJ Photos.

Friday: DJ Martin Lutsch (Stuttgart)

I heard nearly four hours of music.  Up until after midnight there was enough that was nice for me. I remember though being disappointed when the lights went down during the Demare and then stayed down.  The milonga and probably most vals I remember as classics.  I wasn’t dancing and paid more conscious attention to the music.  Of the tangos there was for example:

D’Arienzo of type - Cicatrices, La Morocha, Charamusca; Fresedo/Ray of type Ojos muertos, Vuelves; the famous Castillo vals often played together as here: e.g.. Unitaria. La pulpera de Santa Lucia, Violetas; Demare e.g.. Telón, Igual que un bandoneón, El aguacero, Malena; great Troilo of type Una carta - Cautivo - En esta tarde gris; Canaro vals of type El día que te fuiste, Cuando estaba enamorado and something a bit less well known to me, Di Sarli, type: Tú, el cielo y tú, Déjame, no quiero verte más

Some of the Rodriguez with Fernando Reyes I liked a bit less:  Alma en pena, La casita está triste.  Then there was an odd mixed tango tanda of Biagi (El recodo?) - Varela (Sábado inglés?) - De Angelis (Pavadita?) - Federico (Leyenda Gaucha). Soon after was I think a cover band (Solo tango orquesta?) playing e.g.Toda mi vida and Esta es el rey.   I should have quit at this point but did not realise this might be an arc/mood DJ possibly going into a new phase.  There followed Rodio/Serna of type Corazon Que Has Hecho, Rosa Celeste, Vieja Esquina, Esta noche en Buenos Aires. I rarely hear this music for dancing but hearing it again it reminds me of Maderna - nicer to listen to.  I think there was Biagi /Duval, of type: Alguien, Triste comedia, Espérame en el cielo then fast D’Arienzo vals, Cabeza de novia.  That vals is very nice but I felt the tangos were turning less mainstream and the general theme going into “passion mode” so I quit.  It felt like a style I associate with late night in Berlin or the more extravagant - usually younger - side of Buenos Aires. In memory it was also loud.  Something was loud that weekend, either that or an overload of overloud simultaneous KLM announcements in Schipol but my ear still hurts.

Saturday afternoon: DJ Stephan Resch (Auckland, New Zealand)

I heard all but the last maybe 1 or 2 tandas of the set.  It was not all what I think of as mainstream but it was mostly lovely music. I remember the set started really well which is always reassuring.  There was great Caló, then D’Arienzo - No me lo digas, Yunta Brava, Por que razón - how I love that track -  Derecho Viejo.  I remember thinking in that tanda that the sound wasn’t always great and certainly that it was too quiet at one point but that improved.  There was good milonga, good rhythmic Di Sarli, really great D’Agostino etc. At one point I danced tracks I couldn’t place and wondered if it was rhythmic Lomuto but knew something didn’t fit.  When I heard Dulce Amargura I thought: Fresedo - who has done one version - but knew it too was not right.  Upon request, Stephan told me it was early 30s Caló. Later there was Biagi with Saavedra and Heredia I didn’t know or know well.   I heard two of his Fresedo choices as I was leaving. They were not my very favourite but they were far from bad Fresedo and there is a lot of bad Fresedo.  This was the set I liked best in Tango Loft.

Stephan struck me as a smart, approachable guy. He and his wife were popular dancers. I noticed he danced very socially with a range of women which I somehow find particularly nice in a good dancer and DJ.

Saturday night:  DJ Gabriela Manea (Bukarest, Rumania)

I arrived sometime before midnight.  I cannot say I heard much of the set to give a representative picture because I quit after 2 hours. There was a Canaro which did not really grab me including I think Desaliento which I rather like  but I think it was the version by Rafael which is the weaker as I think is the case with all the tracks I have heard covered by those brothers. Then there were great tandas but very rhythmic, high energy,  strong Troilo, I think I heard another Canaro /QDP but rhythmic,  Biagi milongas that I love, superb Tanturi instrumentals, and a packed floor.  I loved those tandas. But it was too relentlessly rhythmic and the floor was a scrum.  I don’t like it when DJs whip up an atmosphere like that and I left.  People were leaving before me.

Sunday afternoon: DJ Alia Ramadan (Damaskus, Syria/Frankfurt, Germany)

I was only there for the last 90 minutes and I can believe that a DJ might feel pressure to try to explore new territory in a final milonga but I found the music on Sunday afternoon ropey.  I heard Tanturi-Campos - that irritating track Calla bandoneón. There was an unnecessarily mixed milonga tanda with tracks that were very different in style. I think it included Biagi and I think Biagi so distinctive and individual he never mixes well.   To be fair, I was chatting for a while so paid less attention to the music but was aware what I heard was not great for me.

Second Stuttgart milonga weekend

Tango Loft from the entrance side

I am recently returned from the second milonga weekend in Stuttgart. It comprised evening dances on Friday and Saturday and afternoon dances on Saturday and Sunday.  

I went for these reasons:

• It was milongas only and had been recommended as having no workshops, classes or shows
• It did not, in theory require registration.  This was still true for the second weekend but the emphasis had changed slightly.  Since the venue is limited by capacity though it made sense to reserve a place.   
• There was no list of rules. I find while I like events that adhere to traditional milonga etiquette I do not tend to enjoy the hosting or atmosphere of events that are explicitly rule-bound, either on websites or I have even seen rules on cards or posters in venues.  That implies the people coming need that kind of instruction so it is likely I won’t enjoy that kind of event.  On the description of this event it said simply that the event was for experienced dancers.  Given the other features and traditional music I expected dancing in the embrace to be the norm, people to clear the floor during the cortinas and invitation only by look and that is what I found.
• There was an opportunity to go to El Amateur milonga (different venue and host) on Sunday night
• I hoped to see something of the city.

Practicalities

Registration

I tried - late - to register for the first event last autumn.  However, I discovered in correspondence with the organiser that they were balancing gender.  I dislike waiting lists especially when I dance both roles and this tends to keep me away from events.  Also I did not hear back twice when I expected to and ultimately there was no space for me. I also heard reports of poor DJing e.g. DJ La Rubia - not for the first time in her case.  I had not therefore intended to register again.

I changed my mind especially as the advertising seemed to imply there may not be gender balancing.  I see now though the same statement was also made on the advertising for the first weekend when there was indeed gender balancing. I registered earlier and this time there was a place.

Entrance

Payment/registration was outside the salon, which I prefer. The welcome from the host, Kenneth was both warm and professional - that of an experienced host.

Garderobe

There was space to leave shoes and large bags.  One young liberal European guy used it to get changed… There were chairs to change shoes.  There are useful hooks under the bar for handbags.

Salon

When I saw the salon I thought it was lovely, a real dance club, with a bar, tables and chairs.  I was less keen on the mirrored wall - but you can close your eyes.  The salon reminded me in aesthetics a bit of Tango Loft in Berlin though that had for me a slightly more exotic/louche feel.   I am sure if I were a regular here who knew people, with its bar, its seating with tables for a quiet evening with a partner or friend, its gossip stools, I would discover this to be a much loved place.  

Floor

The floor was good but heated up and became sticky meaning dancing earlier on is easier.

Lighting

The salon has windows down one side which means it is light in the afternoon and much easier to see for invitation by look.  However, if you invite/accept with your back to the windows  (even when by the bar) it can be difficult to see because of silhouette.  I nearly missed a dance because of this.

The lighting at night was low.  Since most people crowded into one area for invitation lighting seemed not to be an issue for the majority.  Also I think many people knew one another which means low light is less of an issue than it is for strangers.  I asked if the low lighting was deliberately to create atmosphere.  I was told no, but that because the lights are stage lights they overheat the room and quickly.   LED lights which do not have this problem are being installed gradually.  

Refreshments

There is a bar selling alcohol, soft drinks and cocktails. Throughout the weekend there were snacks of pizza and cake which looked very nice and I understood ice cream on the Sunday afternoon but I did not attend until the end. There was also fruit, crudités nuts, olives.  Water was free.

Seating

There were tables  and chairs  under the windows next to the floor but this was used little or not at all because I think it is thought invitation by look is hard against the light there or simply that it is too far to invite across the room, though the distance would have been normal in Buenos Aires.

On one side of the bar there is a small stage with three or four tables and chairs and more similar seating in front of that in an area two or three tables deep.   This had a good view of the floor in front.   This main seating area was mostly used by friends, couples, a few single guys and a (very) few single girls who, like I suppose me, appeared noticeably uneasy.  I guessed this was because they did not know people or disliked the girl crush, or the seating arrangements or the proximate invitation on the other side of the bar.  Opposite is the mirrored wall you can see in the top photo.  Video showing the bar and seating area from the mirrored end.  Unlike at the milonga weekend the tables under the windows (left) are being used in the video.

Nearly all other single girls were on the other side of the bar or around the bar and most good guy dancers seemed to invite there.  

Between the entrance and the loos was a long wall of untabled seating on stools.  This had  mostly limited or very limited view of the floor because of the bar and people standing.  It was also used mostly by girls waiting to dance.  A few guys sometimes sat here but generally they stood or danced. This is the area where most girls spent most time when not dancing but unfortunately I find no photos online to show it.  The photo I have taken was a single quick snap taken from the stools at that end of the bar with best visibility of the floor.  It was taken at the beginning of the Saturday afternoon which is why it is quiet.  There was a photographer taking many photos on at least two days though from very discreet distance.  Photos from the first event here.

Invitation

...was usually by look.  Only the least popular guys invited too overtly and even then it was more often that they just came too close more than they walked right up and asked.  

Still, most invitation even by good dancers happened at very close quarters at the exit to the floor and around the bar on the entrance side.  It is the space directly in front of the camera (i.e. to the left of the barstool)  in the photo.   Most guys did not invite - perhaps did not need to invite - at any distance e.g. across the room.  Couples would come off the floor, then many of both sexes who had just danced simply waited in that floor exit/entrance area to pick up their next dance. I heard it described as “one large partnerbörse”.   It did not seem to bother most people there, who often invited and accepted with a nod or a word to the person next to them. Conditions one may find problematic are also minimised I find if you know people and I think many did.

If you understand what invitation/acceptance can be like at the busy end of the hall at Eton milongas during the cortinas on a multi-day event then it reminded me of that.

Attendance

The place felt busy most of the time I was there except noticeably the start of Saturday afternoon when the weather was very good.  Saturday night was extremely busy. There were some who attended all or most milongas and many who attended one or two.

A local girl I met at El Amateur on Sunday had been to Tango Loft on Friday night but said since she knew most people it was less interesting for her so she went elsewhere at the weekend. Contradictorily I heard at the bar that there were many strangers.   Kenneth read out a list of the different countries represented. He also announced many local dancers had come out on Saturday but who had not registered for the full weekend itself.  

There were more women I think generally and on Friday there was a clear female majority.  

Dancing

There seemed to be many good guy dancers, some less good and not ones I enjoy but even these got plenty of dances.  There were plenty of very good women dancers of various ages.  More women seemed able to dance well than guys but I find this the norm everywhere.   Look though is not feel and I base what I say mostly from watching as I danced little.

Some women did dance together but not many or often.  I did so only once and early when there were few people there but sensed no disapprobation for others who did so in the ronda.

I think younger women had the majority of the dances but many older women danced often.  Age seemed only one factor of many in guys choosing partners and not necessarily the main one.   I liked that there was and think it healthy for milongas when there is a broad mix of ages.

The ronda seemed mostly good.  One guy bashed me into people (but repeatedly)  yet he always found partners.  I think that was unusual among the guys.

The floor cleared virtually always during the cortina.

Atmosphere

It is hard for me as a stranger to say, also because I personally did not find the weekend relaxing. Unusually I spoke little with people.  Equally no one initiated conversation with me except a couple of guys whose tables I sat at accidentally while they were dancing.  Maybe the better thing to do in those circumstances is in fact to chat to people but I was not in the mood.  I think generally for most people the atmosphere was nice and relaxed.  I sat little and not for long among the women on the bar stools and we did not chat but smiled on arrival etc. In contrast, in Buenos Aires where I felt secure at my table and relaxed I often spoke with women I did not know. I think some women in Tango Loft sometimes may have been unhappy with the gender imbalance.  All that said if this were my local milonga I am sure it would be very nice.  If I were to try to register again I would definitely go in company.  I think this might be less necessary for good guy dancers or anyone generally unaffected by milonga conditions.

Buffet

A: I guess my plan is next to look at my favourite tracks and try and put something I think people will dance to together, using your lists to steer by. 

B: I guess 90% of what you want to do yourself (the top level, the set) you can get from using precomposed tandas from others, and would be obstructed by composing your own.

A: Trying to build an evening from tracks in advance worries me the most - deciding which tandas to put where in the evening, how to create build and change momentum and mood when there is no evening there...!

B: Well spotted. Like choosing steps before you have the music. I suggest you forget trying to "build and change momentum and mood". This is largely a myth anyway. Consider yourself a buffet cook rather than a set meal chef.

A: This is strangely reassuring! But are you saying the order of orchestra is almost irrelevant?

B: Order of feel - not orchestra - does matter.

Cambridge Spring Festivalito: Romsey Mill

Over the May Bank holiday weekend I decided to combine another trip to Cambridge, to visit Nottingham for the first time and go to five milongas in those cities. To my knowledge, no hosts yet in Britain are combining their milongas into, say, a Bank Holiday weekend of local dancing to make it worthwhile for dancers from outside the area to visit. Given that lacuna, this was my personal, ad-hoc take on the Tango Train idea.  A propos, Berlin’s Embrace festival looks similar - I think it is a kind of festival of local milongas. Best of all “PS: To participate in EMBRACE registration is not required! Registration only for workshops and classes.” Archived here.

I had loved Cambridge, wanted to see more of the city and to dance with people I knew and had not seen or managed to dance with last time. Camtango was running a Spring Festivalito so I expected good numbers. I was a bit worried because the weekend was workshop-heavy which tends to attract the type of dancer I don’t prefer. Still, it has the advantage of being only two hours from Nottingham.  With Radio 4 for company and my own thoughts I arrived relaxed but road-blitzed and giddy after an eight and a half hour drive on Bank Holiday Friday. I decided to take things easily. 

Access

I stayed in an Airbnb nearby and walked to the venue.  The area is in any case residential and outside the city so parking should not be an issue.

Welcome

I think you walk straight into the hall which surprised me slightly, or at least finding the desk on the edge of the salon surprised me a little.  I really like the separation they have in Buenos Aires where you are greeted and pay and then the curtain (often) separates arrival from entry to the salon. But I had a simply lovely welcome from Juana, whom I didn’t know; really one of the nicest welcomes I can remember in the UK. She strikes me as born to host.

Salon

The salon was nicely presented. There were plenty of tables and chairs though no obvious solo seating that I recall. There were fairy lights, uplighters, standard lamps and adorable pink hanging Chinese lanterns. The photos really don’t do it justice but you can see below how well the uplighters illuminate without blinding. On the other hand, the room especially when looking towards the further end felt darker than it appears here.

Cloakroom

I asked where I could leave my things and was directed to a spacious room for larger bags, coats and with seating to change shoes.

Refreshments

The kitchen, also strung with fairy lights, looked warm and atmospheric. I was delighted to see wine was for sale - £2.50 a glass. A condition of the hire was that drinks had to stay in the kitchen. There was nice cake, fruit, pretzels. 

Seating

I asked a couple if I could join the end of one the (large) tables and we fell into chat.  Once I got up I lost my chair - twice. The first time I moved to the other end of the table and when I lost that too I went to another part of the room with a spare chair between tables. With tables now appropriated one does not like to crash another group or couple’s table. In practical terms it did not matter too much as the drinks were in the kitchen. When I went back to my handbag for things - still attached to the original chair - people were very nice - Oh, sorry, was this my chair? etc. One says "No" of course, "not at all", but that’s just what the British do. Some cultures find this confusing, even duplicitous.

Lighting

The lighting was a bit dark for unambiguous invitation by look and harder when you don’t know the people. Someone who went to the same venue on the Saturday night (I didn’t) said they found it hard to see for invitation by look. The uplighters were very good but the standard lamps at eye level are blinding when the bulb is visible and facing you making invitation/acceptance impossible. Even without the bulb showing, because of their level they put the person you are looking at in silhouette. 

Because it was dim, I wasn’t sure if my local friend with whom I love dancing was inviting me from the far end of the hall, or whether it was the woman next to me. One doesn’t like to presume in these circumstances. I had already danced with him, the girl next to me was popular for dance and I wasn’t sure if they had already danced. I looked away so they could make the arrangements without confusion. Oscar Casas incidentally is interesting on this. 

She said to me later she wasn’t sure if we were in a good spot for invitation. She was considering moving. I generally find it doesn’t really matter where you sit. I notice if a guy wants to dance with you enough he will find you. With that view, seat-hopping becomes unhelpful.

Floor

The markings showed  the floor was used for sports. It was not great but not terrible. It was harder for me to tell because my shoes were not very worn in. I danced little but mostly with very nice dancers and find I have less trouble with floors when these are the guys I dance with. 

Invitation

Nobody walked up to invite me verbally, which was lovely.  

Dancing

As it was Friday night and people were coming and going at different times depending on when they had arrived and how far they had travelled, there was a sense of fluidity in the crowd that I liked. It reminded me of Buenos Aires where none of the best DJs that I noticed did any “mood” or “arc” DJing. They simply play a spread and variety of music for those who are there at the time.  At one point I counted 22 people down two sides, plus roughly similar numbers down the other two sides, a few in the middle, a few seated and a few who’d already left.

The dancing was mixed.  There was enough space so the ronda was fine.  The DJs from out of town, their friends and partners danced for the most part noticeably amongst themselves.  That is common when people dance away - they want to see friends and also get the best dancing they can.  They were visibly enjoying themselves - girls with girls as well as guys with girls. There seemed to be an apparent split in good (guy) dancing between this group and most other dancing. It can be hard to tell when you are not local but I saw some exceptions: the friend I danced with, a visually striking visiting guy - but quiet dancer - that someone told me was a nomad with a blog and a very quiet local dancer apparently from Mexico. The scientist from Mexico danced mostly in the inner ronda and was lovely to watch. I liked that he danced with new girls as well as with girls with more experience. I was not feeling up to dancing with girls that night. It is harder besides to do so when you are not known. I did dance a couple of tracks - badly - with a favourite I already knew from there. Then a very pretty girl sent me a look to dance (milonga). I was flattered and danced but not on form.

Music

The DJ was Ricardo Peixoto. I liked a lot of the music. It was the best set I heard that weekend. I have found in the past that he plays many great tracks and great tandas but often with a lot of energy. On a packed floor on the main night of an event it can encourage wild dancing even among usually social dancers and becomes stressful. I have quit the floor more than once under those circumstances. This time there was more balance in the set and it was no coincidence that even though I was new to the place, the evening felt more relaxed than other times I have heard him play. That said, of the three tandas with guys I most enjoyed they were all fast - Tanturi, D’Arienzo and a fast vals; but then these would all get me up so I don’t know that one can extrapolate much from that. In Buenos Aires the guys I liked dancing with and the DJs who spoke about the older bailarins often said that they liked music más picada. I think this means spicier or in musical terms with rhythm and energy. D’Arienzo was the obvious choice but also some Troilo, some Tanturi, things like that. Música picada is in many other orchestras too but the energy is different. 

Unless you talk to the DJ or have some fail-safe way to know the music such as a friend with whom to check facts you may get some facts about what the music was wrong. Of course, any DJ who cares can counter this by posting the music online afterwards. A recent example is on the new Barrio de tango website. I did talk to Ricardo though more by chance and found him courteous and knowledgeable about music. I am sure he knows far more than I about dates and developments in music. He said in 1942 the orchestras became more sombre in tone and that some say it was because of D’Agostino, some say it was a track of Caló’s. It had been thought to be unsaleable though it is popular now. I still think of D’Agostino as light and relaxed more than sombre but I know what he means. It is not D’Arienzo in the 30s. So he knows about these sorts of interesting things. 

Not all the music was to my taste: the Di Sarli with Florio, the Pugliese with Chanel but some people like that. 

The Rodriguez began with Qué lento corre el tren which is lovely then Iré which I know but not well enough to know if it makes me want to dance. Then there were two more famous tracks. The Fresedo was one of the lovely, soft, sweet selections with e.g. Cordobesita and friends. The whole tanda was great as was the D’Arienzo, the Troilo and the Donato. The vals were nice and the the milongas slightly more unusual. The rhythmic Tanturi was fabulous save the opening track which I can’t remember and probably didn't know. I was puzzled by its use as an opener and asked about it. He said it was the best Tanturi track. I was invited to it by a lovely dancer which is why I accepted.

Legacy

When I left Juana gave me a warm embrace. I read something last year about memory. It was along the lines that researchers had discovered the way we experience something and the way we remember it are not the same. Apparently the things we remember are the things that gave us most pleasure or pain in the experience (so the most intense moment) - together with, crucially, how the experience ended. It is called the Peak End rule. By that Juana was the key person there. Had some guy dumped me mid tanda and with a look of contempt left me standing on the floor but that at the end Juana had still hugged me, by the Peak End rule, looking back, your mind kind of averages out the experience so perhaps I might have left thinking things had been OK overall. Luckily that didn’t happen. Although I didn’t dance much through choice, I liked the dances I had.  I chatted, watched, listened and had a nice time - and the ending was great.

Obligation (III): versus choice

Recently my children and their friends made pizza at our house. I love the variety in taste that it reveals. It is when children can have more choice over what they eat.

At a barbecue with my extended family yesterday we joked about the absence of any salad on my younger son’s plate.  He looked at me and grinned, secure in the knowledge this was a special day. I let it go. “I think he gets vegetables all the other days of the week” remarked my father, wryly. But while I want them to eat healthily I don’t like to always oblige my children to eat food the way I think it should be; and yet I have more than once found myself cooking separate food. That strikes me as ludicrous, time-consuming and runs counter to the ideas about a meal shared at a table that I grew up with and had confirmed memorably in France more than twenty years ago.

When the weather is warm, as it was last week, we spend as much time as possible outside and eat our meals in various parks and local sheltered spots. Both children, the elder in particular, have lately become more particular about what they will and will not eat. I have gone from mixing up salads where they have little choice, to taking various selections from which they can choose to a new method.

I emptied the picnicable contents of the fridge and cupboard onto the table and said each of us was going to pack their own sandwich box for tea. There were no temptations in the way of sweets or crisps. Otherwise, they had a free choice but could they please bear in mind the need for a balanced diet. What that constitutes they are well aware. They also understood that any proposal to share a jar of olives between them was unlikely to fall into the definition of a balanced diet. This is how things turned out:

Eldest

Youngest

Parent

  

It was a sobering experience. I would never eat a cucumber and mayo sandwich. I never buy cucumber - had only done so at my son's request. While I try to balance what I know my children like with the foods that are good for them and that I know they will eat, as cook they have to endure my primacy in the kitchen. 

I like it when they are not always obliged to eat the food I cook and can explore their own preferences. My son asked if he could make garlic bread for the barbecue. It was good to see the family's appreciation of his good idea as well as the results.  These are the small steps towards independence. 

But we all enjoy cuddles, playing or reading together more than cooking!