Obligation (III): versus choice

Recently my children and their friends made pizza at our house. I love the variety in taste that it reveals. It is when children can have more choice over what they eat.

At a barbecue with my extended family yesterday we joked about the absence of any salad on my younger son’s plate.  He looked at me and grinned, secure in the knowledge this was a special day. I let it go. “I think he gets vegetables all the other days of the week” remarked my father, wryly. But while I want them to eat healthily I don’t like to always oblige my children to eat food the way I think it should be; and yet I have more than once found myself cooking separate food. That strikes me as ludicrous, time-consuming and runs counter to the ideas about a meal shared at a table that I grew up with and had confirmed memorably in France more than twenty years ago.

When the weather is warm, as it was last week, we spend as much time as possible outside and eat our meals in various parks and local sheltered spots. Both children, the elder in particular, have lately become more particular about what they will and will not eat. I have gone from mixing up salads where they have little choice, to taking various selections from which they can choose to a new method.

I emptied the picnicable contents of the fridge and cupboard onto the table and said each of us was going to pack their own sandwich box for tea. There were no temptations in the way of sweets or crisps. Otherwise, they had a free choice but could they please bear in mind the need for a balanced diet. What that constitutes they are well aware. They also understood that any proposal to share a jar of olives between them was unlikely to fall into the definition of a balanced diet. This is how things turned out:

Eldest

Youngest

Parent

  

It was a sobering experience. I would never eat a cucumber and mayo sandwich. I never buy cucumber - had only done so at my son's request. While I try to balance what I know my children like with the foods that are good for them and that I know they will eat, as cook they have to endure my primacy in the kitchen. 

I like it when they are not always obliged to eat the food I cook and can explore their own preferences. My son asked if he could make garlic bread for the barbecue. It was good to see the family's appreciation of his good idea as well as the results.  These are the small steps towards independence. 

But we all enjoy cuddles, playing or reading together more than cooking!