Our best selves

'The great man is he who does not lose his child's-heart.'  - Mencius

Dancing tango is wonderful in so many ways - the music, the milongas, each connection with another person. One of the loveliest things I feel very often when I dance and felt again last night yet rarely hear mentioned. It is how kind, gentle, caring and attentive we are with each other when we dance. Young children I find often have natural inclinations this way, or quickly develop them given the right conditions.  So many of the people with whom I dance - men and women - seem to be, to become or rediscover their best selves in dance. Whether by the same magic or the power of their example, sometimes so do I. 

In that respect dancing tango socially ought to be on every council's funding list for "building better communities", every NHS committee about preventing and recovering from illness, every prison rehabilitation scheme, every educational initiative about increasing empathy. 

How very far these inclinations are from learning to dance tango in class, when rather than the focus being on the other person it is on the teacher and the things the teacher wants us to do.  In the unnaturalness and stress of those contrived conditions I often hear complaints from women that he blamed her for not "following his lead".

It is true that sometimes even in the milongas we generally enjoy there can be bad feeling, but I think this is rare.  Usually, we compliment one another about true things in appearance or dance. We apologise to each other for small mishaps even though these can turn out to be some of the most fun or interesting parts of the dance. We insist it was our fault. We laugh it off together, one wanting the other not to feel bad, the other wanting them to know they appreciate such understanding even going so far as to claim responsibility instead, so neutralising any notion of fault. We look out for one another and express an ambiguous "I'm sorry/It's fine" gesture to the people around when there is a bump, regardless or not of whether it was our fault. We ask our partner, and sometimes, there and then or between tracks even the other couple if they are alright. We take care of partners and people around or try our best. We want to make the dance as pleasant as possible for the other person, by listening and responding to the nuances of movement as best we can. We are well-intentioned in every way.  We are are entirely focused on the other. We show when we have enjoyed a dance, we want the person to know we are grateful, that we appreciate them and that they have made us happy. 

Happiness is natural when we discover someone we would like to dance with has chosen to invite us for dance or agreed to dance with us.  In such happiness we are kind and so we are our best selves.