It's well intentioned, I'm sure. At first I wondered if the piece was a spoof and if the 60 odd shares of the English version were mostly ironic. But then I saw it's heading up to 200 shares of the original French version. After reading some of the comments I began to have second thoughts, especially when people as august as Melina Sedo espouse related ideas. My response, in summary, is thanks, but no thanks.
I still saw dance partners sitting all night long... as if nothing could ever change in tango.
Some of us enjoy sitting, chatting, watching, listening. We are not all desperate to dance and we certainly don't want to be harangued into it or "given back our rights" to make us get up. This sort of stance sends the message to many men that you will be doing us poor things a favour if you grant us a dance. Thanks but I'll make up my own mind, when and with whom.
Real empathy would be swapping roles. Be a woman for a night. Dance that role. Sit and wait, try out your mirada. See how far you get. Encourage your guy friends to try the same thing. Trying it out might lead to a genuine understanding and then perhaps change though it may not be the kind you anticipate.
Is Tango still a place where some of women’s rights are denied.... your RIGHT to dance
A right? Dancing is not a right. Making men dance is not a right. Dancing is a pleasure. Being chosen is an exquisite pleasure on both sides. Women choose, just as well and as much as men. Women choose yes they will dance or no they will not. It's interesting that this post seems to assume that women just do dance if asked. Why is that? I don't think it's because we all do. Perhaps some guys just think we all do. Why would that be? Because some guys won't notice, won't brook a refusal?
the RIGHTS of women, i.e. to invite who they want to dance with.
The way this reads, despite the reference to cabeceo at the end, it sounds like a direct invitation is what's implied. Of course women can ask guys if they want to. Some do. I do sometimes though if I do ordinarily it's men I know. But men, like women, don't like to be put on the spot by an overt invitation and may refuse with all the avoidable difficulty and embarrassment that can cause. Why don't some women invite guys, directly or by look? Because many of us don't want to. Why? Because we prefer to be invited. We understand that the dance needs to be wanted on both sides. Women can and do invite men to invite them. That is the mirada and cabeceo in operation. How is this disempowering?
As men, we know that if we pay for admission, we WILL dance, no matter the size of the ballroom or the number of the dancers.
Good dancing is not about quantity.
or possibly you train at home, in class or during practice for your ochos, boleos, or ganchos to be the queen of the night
These would be excellent reasons for a guy not to invite a girl.
I get the sense from this quarter that after I've been "saved" from not dancing, the next treat in store might be to be kindly taught on the floor by a man who knows what he's talking about and who wants to empower me in how I could improve the look and feel of my dancing which would improve my "chances" of dancing ...
Think of coming to the milonga with the confidence that you WILL dance, because you have the social right to invite the partners you like or want to discover.
Or you could come to the milonga with the everyday confidence that you will dance because you're nice to dance with, because you're known where you dance or perhaps because you're not demanding. Or perhaps you'll come with the confidence that you'll have a nice time because you'll enjoy watching the floor, listening to the music, chatting with your friends because you don't actually feel like dancing and certainly don't want to be press-ganged into it.
Can you feel again the enthusiasm you may have had when you first stepped in a Milonga telling yourself "tonight, it's all night long!"Mmm. "Sore feet, aching legs, bed too late, up too early, I didn't get a chance to chat to my girl friends and three of my toes are out of action for a week because of the clodhoppers I accepted...."
I've been many place, it's experience speaking
Experience of being never knowingly refused, by the sounds of things.
...outside Argentina where the problem may not be that important,
I'm curious why would women sit any less in Argentina? They're nicer to dance with? More men dance? If those things were true, they would be interesting in themselves.
We know very little about how to use [cabeceo] correctly
Experience of being never knowingly refused, by the sounds of things.
...outside Argentina where the problem may not be that important,
I'm curious why would women sit any less in Argentina? They're nicer to dance with? More men dance? If those things were true, they would be interesting in themselves.
We know very little about how to use [cabeceo] correctly
Actually, I find it the norm in milongas where you find good dancers
The writer is of course free to set up a milonga where it's the thing for women to invite men. It'd be genuinely interesting to see the kind of dancing that goes on there. I and many are happy with the way things stand though, thanks.
The writer is of course free to set up a milonga where it's the thing for women to invite men. It'd be genuinely interesting to see the kind of dancing that goes on there. I and many are happy with the way things stand though, thanks.
Image courtesy of Rossographer via Creative Commons license.
I agree with you. I have no interest in inviting a man to dance, no matter how much I want to dance.
ReplyDeleteI hope the author of the post reads your response. He needs to know how we feel about it.