Initiative

My son was seven when he made us a bacon and eggs camping breakfast on his own. I remember being impressed (and grateful) at the time.  

Ten years on, while I was caring for mum and dad, the same son was preparing for his Highers.  I was hardly around to help him with English, the one subject I could have helped him with and the one subject in which he needed help. He had got 'A's across the board at National 5 level the previous year and suddenly, two or three months before his exams he was predicted a B, in English, with a current working grade of C.  I immediately wrote to the school about the gap. Here's what I was doing (buying books, getting a tutor, which turned out not to be value for money, getting him to attend study support).  What was their plan to address the gap?  I said he needed a minimum of a B in English to get into medical school.  

The school is average, no great shakes.  They are lucky to have a high achiever.  So it was a shock, but not a surprise when the letter was ignored.  I wrote again.  Ignored again.  Right before the exams parents got another update.  Now my son's grade was predicted as a C.  I was dismayed but didn't bother writing a third time. It was too late anyway, the exam was weeks away.  He had done so well at school, best student in third year out of hundreds.  He was a prefect, a house captain at a young age, hardworking, polite, responsible, liked and respected. I felt he had been ignored and betrayed. He had had reservations about his English teacher.  Apparently she just wasn't that helpful. 

It's not the end of the world I said.  We don't know what will happen.  There are many routes to a goal. 

The evening of the day after dad died we pushed the sofas together to make a nest and got in with our blankets.  We watched The Shawshank Redemption, together, one of the subjects of his exam. I spent the next few days doing essay questions with him.    

After the exam I asked him, What are the lessons in this? But he was too demoralised to come up with much.  There are a few I said.  But the key one is, take responsibility for your own learning.  I had tried to explicitly teach them this much younger, but I hadn't realised then that kids do that anyway, through play and exploration. If your teacher isn't interested find another way to ask your questions. There are so many resources now, online.  Don't put all your faith in teachers.  They are random.  Randomly good, randomly bad and not altogether reliable. Take responsibility and see anything teachers bring as a bonus.

You can say these thing, but sometimes, unfortunately, they find out the hard way.