Missing the point

Reva G

If I only danced with people with great technique I would indeed be judging them, dancing according to an idea of dance “levels” I have never appreciated and which leads to the arrogance and elitism for which the tango world is fairly notorious, compared to other dances. 

A propos, did you see this post?

It's an advert for his book (if you read to the end).  He's a hard-advertising businessman and self-confessed entrepreneur  I've known about for a while, with multiple pies.  You can see the many tango business interests he cites on his Facebook page, the kind of thing that makes me extremely wary.  You'll probably guess that "love me" posts like this are not my thing. But the real point here is that this misses the point.  

Ten years ago I wrote about dance levels and that shocking attitude some experienced dancers have towards less experienced dancers: we'll dance with you when you're good enough. I think fortunately, that's a small minority and it's never been like that, for me.  

On the surface it might look like that:  experienced dancer  - don't even bother trying.  Snobby, snooty, or even, maybe (inaccurately): she only dances with women.  Thanks to the discretion of the milongas I don't know what they say.  Maybe nothing! Actually, though, lots of guys I don't dance with still chat with me so I guess they don't hold it against me. I never held it against the dancers who didn't used to dance with me.  One just wonders, naturally, if fruitlessly, what it is.

Yes, the guys locally I want to dance with are vanishingly small, but that's not because I don't think they're "good enough", the arrogance of which would be simply breathtaking, but rather because of incompatibility.  They have their way - expecting, demanding (even if they are unaware of it) the woman to do things, or just while they may dance the beat, it rarely goes much beyond that in terms of cadence say, or a subtlety that is to do with movement, music and the connection.  Their way simply is not mine.  We seem to hear, feel, want and are happy with different things.

I understand when people say things like "I think we can always find the dance between us" and I can do that, with beginners, but with guys or leaders who already have their way, well, that's the point, it's their way and the kind of often humourless dancer who dances "as though you're a carpet" to borrow a friend's phrase is not my kind of dancer.

For years I have done the opposite: not avoided beginners, but deliberately danced with them, especially beginner guys, because the "accepted" way of their becoming good dancers (via the traditional class) is like a perilous, almost always, doomed quest for the Holy Grail. And, therefore, because of the hope that if they see there is another way, they might just try it.

Anyway, I noticed today that the guy has another post about guy only practicas, asking if anyone does them. I wrote a piece about that last week which I thought I'd already published & will get round to soon.  Famous last words.