Yesterday at forró, a traditional Brazilian dance, somewhere between salsa and tango, I mentioned to a young woman that I was here partly through disillusionment with the milongas, mostly with the guy dancing.
Is it because they dance steps? she asked, another woman again homing in immediately on the crux of the matter.
She has danced for six months but it was only her second time in the guiding role. Despite, at 5'1, being nearly a whole foot smaller than me, she was entirely natural, no hesitation, fluent, musical, even able to execute different moves.
There was a live band from London. It was mostly young or youngish women dancing together and it was a joy. Soft, gentle, unforced, musical.
She asked me why I thought guys had this "step" focus. Was it something to do with their childhoods?
- No. I think it’s dance class focusing on steps and because most men try “leading” before being guided.
- It's the same here, she said.
It is probably the same in most dances.
- How do you find the guiding role?
- Scary, she said.
- Scary if you think!
- The real problem is that you worry you're boring the woman.
That old chestnut.
- It's a psychological trap. Woman don't tend to be bored when the dance flows.
- I know, she said.
- It's funny, isn't it. How we can know something to be true and also know we are being tricked.
It's almost a test of mental strength. Or a reminder to ignore the thought and trust the feeling.
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