Adornments and "Anticipating" / Adornos y "Anticipación"

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A lot of guys don't like women who do adornments in dance. Years ago, a "top" local female dancer, asked to dance with me and it was like dancing with soap, there was no 'us', it was all so that she could exhibit. She later became a teacher. 

I asked a friend the other night what he thought about adornments and he likes them. These things are a matter of taste. His pet peeve was women who anticipate his move. With him, I don't "speak" in the dance because I don't feel the need or desire.

But I have stopped dancing with experienced guys who feel to me too controlling. It sets off a warning light though when a guy says he doesn't like women who "anticipate". It feels like we're being shut down, as if he thinks tango is something where things are done to women, where we can't have a voice, a say, an idea.

Some guys even test you in dance. They provoke you to anticipate. It can feel fun at first, a game, but not if you start to realise he is doing it to put you in your place, to assert his dominance.

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A muchos hombres no les gusta que las mujeres hagan adornos en el baile. Hace años, una bailarina local "top" pidió bailar conmigo y fue como bailar con jabón. No había "nosotros", todo era para que ella se exhibiera. Más tarde se convirtió en profesora.

La noche pasada le pregunté a un amigo qué opinaba de los adornos femeninos y a él le gustan. Cada cual con su gusto. Lo que más le molestaba al bailar era que las mujeres se anticiparon a sus movimientos. Con él, no "hablo" en el baile. No uso tanto mi “voz de baile”, porque no siento la necesidad ni el deseo.

Pero dejé de bailar con hombres experimentados que me parecen demasiado controladores. Sin embargo, cuando un hombre dice que no le gustan las mujeres que "se anticipan", se me enciende una luz de alarma. Parece que se nos está silenciando, como si el tango fuera un lugar donde a las mujeres les hacen hacer cosas, como si no tuviéramos ni voz ni voto. 

Algunos hombres incluso te ponen a prueba en el baile. Te provoca para que te anticipes. En un primer momento puede parecer divertido, un juego, pero no si te das cuenta que lo hace para ponerte en tu lugar, para afirmar su dominio.

Estoy muy agradecida a Ale por su ayuda con la traducción. Cualquier error restante es sólo mío.

Conversation

Some new guys seemed to have had tough experiences in dance class. They can have an air as though they think they’ve failed something. The obvious thing is to be gentle. One of them later joked about how I'd cracked the whip regarding his manhandling of me, so I guess there's gentle and there's protecting yourself. 

We walk to the music, sometimes I guide them, or vice versa, depending on the personality they arrive with and whether that changes.  They get that the dance comes from the music, that it has pauses and that walking with the music and the partner in the ronda is more than enough. When they lead their partners that can be stressful for them when they don’t know the music and when they haven’t had much time in the dance, in milongas and prácticas.

One guy had a partner who said she thought she anticipated. The other guy had tension that was transferring to me and I felt too controlled.  This is far from uncommon. In both cases I wanted to show that women have a voice and that that is when it is fun. If we are walking and tension in a guy's hand or arm is transferring to me, I can move my arm gently to remind him but sometimes it's better to just do something else

In turn, with each guy and in the woman's role I took a step in a direction other than what he had intended, just played around. Separately, they were both foxed, looked, questioningly. Well, what are your options? And from there emerged, so easily, so naturally, those tango moves that my son had discovered in play - ochos, giros and the ones I never like to do when guys haul them out of their tango toolbox: barridas and mordidas. They surprised us both and it was fun.

For that kind of game you need a playful spirit, which most adults have lost and no sense of inhibition, which again, most adults have lost. You need that challenging edge. You probably need a profound intimacy, trust and physical closeness with the dance partner. And for that kind of joint exploration you both need, at the same time, creativity, curiosity, and a sense of adventure. (from: "Play")

But I have found, much sooner than I expected, you don’t need all those criteria for those moves to emerge by themselves. You need interplay, you need an element of challenge, or at least of voice in the woman’s role.  

Walking to the music and pausing, learning what you can do when there isn’t much space, looking after the partner are all necessary, but the fun is where there is mutuality, exploration, conversation. It isn't actually about the moves.  They are almost a by-product - what can happen when you do this other stuff.