Conversation

Some new guys seemed to have had tough experiences in dance class. They can have an air as though they think they’ve failed something. The obvious thing is to be gentle. One of them later joked about how I'd cracked the whip regarding his manhandling of me, so I guess there's gentle and there's protecting yourself. 

We walk to the music, sometimes I guide them, or vice versa, depending on the personality they arrive with and whether that changes.  They get that the dance comes from the music, that it has pauses and that walking with the music and the partner in the ronda is more than enough. When they lead their partners that can be stressful for them when they don’t know the music and when they haven’t had much time in the dance, in milongas and prácticas.

One guy had a partner who said she thought she anticipated. The other guy had tension that was transferring to me and I felt too controlled.  This is far from uncommon. In both cases I wanted to show that women have a voice and that that is when it is fun. If we are walking and tension in a guy's hand or arm is transferring to me, I can move my arm gently to remind him but sometimes it's better to just do something else

In turn, with each guy and in the woman's role I took a step in a direction other than what he had intended, just played around. Separately, they were both foxed, looked, questioningly. Well, what are your options? And from there emerged, so easily, so naturally, those tango moves that my son had discovered in play - ochos, giros and the ones I never like to do when guys haul them out of their tango toolbox: barridas and mordidas. They surprised us both and it was fun.

For that kind of game you need a playful spirit, which most adults have lost and no sense of inhibition, which again, most adults have lost. You need that challenging edge. You probably need a profound intimacy, trust and physical closeness with the dance partner. And for that kind of joint exploration you both need, at the same time, creativity, curiosity, and a sense of adventure. (from: "Play")

But I have found, much sooner than I expected, you don’t need all those criteria for those moves to emerge by themselves. You need interplay, you need an element of challenge, or at least of voice in the woman’s role.  

Walking to the music and pausing, learning what you can do when there isn’t much space, looking after the partner are all necessary, but the fun is where there is mutuality, exploration, conversation. It isn't actually about the moves.  They are almost a by-product - what can happen when you do this other stuff.