Inclusion

Milonga chat

Searching among my photos for "conversation", nearly everything that came up was pictures of my family. That is probably because families are  - usually - by their very nature, inclusive and by necessity, tolerant. 

Inclusion nowadays is a watchword for minority rights and diversity, but I grew up with it meaning something simpler.  My parents were social, personally and professionally and despite or perhaps because of moving house every couple of years, for decades hosted regular drinks, lunch and dinner parties.  The guest bedrooms were like an Airbnb.  The drinks party some people do annually, my parents seemed to do every other month.  

From the word go I watched my mother include people in conversation without a hint of being patronising, and then introduce them entirely naturally to those they didn't know.  I have rarely met anyone so good at this delicate art.  I grew up assuming everyone did this, which, among army officer families, they did seem to.  My original friend among the Parisian queer tango dancers, who has, no coincidence I think, the same lovely manners as my mum, has the same talent.  He introduced and reintroduced me to people with more grace than I managed as the recipient of this favour. 

At lunch recently I watched admiringly a woman whose patience is doubtless longer than mine but then she has raised four children. She repeatedly included in conversation an ignorant and insensitive young woman whom I had found trying and had largely given up on.  

At the tango / salsa / bachata event, chatting about learning socially, someone said:  Yes, but you don't want to ruin an experienced dancers experience if you are a beginner.

This was shocking but dismally, not surprising.  

It would be a selfish community that did not even bother to include new people who are willing enough to come along to try something new among experienced strangers.

It is a pleasure and an honour to introduce new people to this dance.  Besides, they are usually so grateful it is more than recompense enough.  Apart from which, it is in our interests.  If a community has no new people it has no real life in the present and certainly none in the future.