Technique, creativity and self-expression

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To return at last to that comment about technique, creativity and self expression: I've said I think technique is best picked up ideally wordlessly, from dancing with good, experienced dancers, people who have and do things you enjoy - their posture, their sense of intention, their flow, their smoothness, how relaxed and comfortable they feel.  And it's best if you don't even name these things, but just as we copy good role models, why should it be different in dance? In fact, there are great reasons why it shouldn't be different. 

We sense it too in the way those good dancers contrast with others who are stiff and tense or slouched or who don't share their chest, who lean on us too much or headbutt us or press imaginary buttons on our arms or backs to make us do things.  It is the same when we contrast dancers who can invite discreetly, even humorously by look compared to dancers who walk up for dances - we know their different reputations and how differently they tend to dance.

A friend just commented privately we really ought to be very specific about what we mean by "technique", which is why I always try to give examples of what I mean.  But I think how you acquire "technique" very much influences what happens next.  If you acquired it in a thinking, mechanistic way, this will inhibit your dance and particularly its creativity.  Acquire technique by thinking about it and you will likely learn moves by thinking about them and trying to make them muscle memory.  Undoing that thinking in most men, in my experience takes upwards of twelve years, and nearer twenty. 

No, I think creativity and self-expression comes through a kind of courage.  A courage to connect, a courage to explore, a courage to slow down and see what happens.  

And actually I think creativity and self expression are slightly different things.  I can express myself through the music in improvised musical ways which are creative, musically, yet stay within the familiar moves that have emerged through my dance.  I say emerged because I didn't learn my limited "leading" moves through class - they emerged or trusted social dancers showed me. But creativity in movement and self expression in music happens through exploration.  You don't know what is going to happen next.  

I remember that from when I started dancing in the traditional guy's role. I had no moves at all, just walking and musicality.  So I would try things out, or rather, my partner and I would suddenly find ourselves doing things I had not planned or anticipated and it felt exciting and dangerous, sometimes like being on a cliff edge but my partners seemed to like it.  It was thrilling. Gradually, I developed my own style, things became familiar and "safer",  

Now, I often want to explore more because I have seen traditional tango moves "emerge" from that exploration in people who have no concept of what those moves are - when the conditions are right. 

But usually I am dancing with beginners who need to feel safe right at the start, or with who women who want you to "llevar" and not to explore, so I don't often get that opportunity at the moment. 

Sometimes I try it with women where there is no "leader".  That I love, and while we share a constant back and forth of change in "who decides" what happens next, it rarely evolves into the deeper kind of exploration needed for those traditional moves to emerge by themselves. 

But then in most practicas, if they are practicing at all, rather than just dancing (which is fine, if that's what they want), then most people I find are just practicing rote-learned moves  - and very seriously at at that.   So I don't find people who want to do that kind of exploration, much.

Imposing "help"

Freepik

In dance forums and social media groups, people often say, well that idea of learning with good social dancers is all very well - if they will dance with you and help you. I realise there often aren't the experienced people around and willing to dance individually, spend time with beginner guys. That's a so-called "community" I wouldn't want to be in. But those people do exist. At a salsa practica in the city last week I found exactly the individual help I in turn needed from an apparently respected social dancer. Only poor social dancers impose help unasked. It is a form of blind insistence.

A woman, a superb new dancer, who comes to my class & practica whispered to me about a much older guy that was causing her problems in and out of public. Teaching her stuff in the practica, unasked, was the least of it.

- But don't you find, that the people who can dance don't teach you stuff, they just dance with you and it somehow works, like magic.
- Yes, she said

Pressure

William Warby

New guys put themselves under far too much pressure when they only want to “lead”, plus of course they never find out what it’s like for the woman. That’s why swapping roles for beginners is so important.  I have huge respect for guys who agree to do that from the get-go, especially if they themselves opt for it rather than it being suggested to them.

Even "showing" tense-arm guys what it's like doesn't  necessarily have a consistent and long-term effect with all guys.  Last time I suggested to the individuals guys I was dancing with that they focus their attention on their arms in the seconds before dancing and consider whether they could relax them more, breathe into their arms, meditation style. Maybe we should do some relaxation exercises first. Open to your ideas! 

Tango for me, with guys or people guiding is very largely about the expression of their personality.  If they are not dancing well, it often seems to be something psychological or emotional that is expressing itself in their dance.  I am not a psychologist but I do find that by addressing some of the physical symptoms, it can seem to change the  person.  

The most obvious one is getting a nervous or unconfident guy to stand tall which automatically shares their chest. Often these guys will walk forward but pull you back, almost braking you, which makes them off the music. If you swap with them they don't necessarily feel the difference. I tried encouraging a guy forwards as he danced with me, so that he does it, not me. I was amazed at the transformation.  The guy stood tall, confident and walked on the music.

 
But you need to spend time with them.  The next time I danced with him he was back as he was. That is the problem with class. 

Tense guys

Eric Van Buskirk

Often, dancing individually with guys who arrive to class or práctica, maybe from other dances or classes with a credo of steps, their arms are tense. A tense guy transmits his stress and can be physically painful to dance with.  They know, not least because I keep loosening my arm.

It happens all the time with guys who have been told to have a "frame" or guys who are stressed or nervous - often because they have done a dance class fixated on moves and technique. I don't want a guy with a "frame". I want a guy with an embrace.

This doesn't tend to happen with guys who just come "fresh" - no previous classes and who dance (individually) with me from the beginning.  They are first guided so they never experience anything but relaxed arms so that is their normal reference point. That is all it takes, once dance and they get the idea. The rest is consolidated by more dancing in the same way. But that first impression, that reference point can be undone by focusing on technique and moves.

The tense arm problem also goes away when the guy swaps roles out of the guiding role.  Dancing in the traditional woman's role a guy whose arms were tense will (often) magically lose that tension.

Do unto others..

Helena

Whatever people might say, technique for many has a lot to do with look and if the guy is hunched over but I still get a great connection with him, so what? I take my partners as they come and if they are respectful, fun (which includes creative) and musical then I am happy.  Guys who are very upright and mannered may be beautiful to look at but are often dancing for themselves, or at best, for two. If they have beautiful movements, connect amazingly, are musical and creative, well then you have a unicorn indeed.

In the practica, if I put my hand on the the new guy's chest so he stands more upright, or shares his chest, I am not doing it primarily so he looks better, but so I can better feel his intention or because a physical change can change the psychology, in this case, the guy starts to feel and dance more confidently. 

If I think about what "technique" might be and if we are talking about the same thing, the most common "technique" issues with beginner guys are tense arms, not sharing the chest, poky fingers and trying to drive with the arms.  These are not things that are particularly useful to say to a whole group. It will just make them worry and think. It's better to not even say it to the individuals, but rather just swap roles and show them, do to them what they are doing to you.

Of course, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If the new guy dances in the woman's role with an experienced dancer who pleases their partners that will be his reference point. But if he has no reference point, the next thing is to do unto him as he is doing to you and then do unto him as you would have him do unto you.

That's one reason why dancing in the woman's role is so useful, for guys.

Listening

Paul Downey

We were returning from a milonga where the the music, floor and food had been good but the sound quality and dancing not.  Being much newer, she hadn't known the guys.  I had tried them all years before.  Not even the women had tempted me and I had been bored.  I asked her how she had found the guys. 

Two of the guys "danced for both of us" she said but at least one of them was kind of fun. I knew the guys and knew what she meant but "fun" doesn't counter "dancing for both of us", for me.  Then she made that genius turn of phrase, the carpet remark:  she had felt like a carpet dancing with them.  Another guy had not exactly tested her (there are those types) but observed her as though she was under a microscope. 

- God, I don't "dance for two" do I? I asked, fearfully.  Women often have so much less self-belief than guys.

She laughed.  

- No, you're the opposite. 

I felt a surge of relief, followed by worry.

- What does that mean?

- Well, you're there, waiting. 

- What do you mean?

It's as though you're saying.  I'm here. I'm listening. What do you want to say?

I laughed, because she doesn't move on her own.  In fact, she stands there, waiting, eyes closed, alert, her head slightly to one side, clear to any observer that she is listening, body and soul. And I always wonder semi-subconsciously I suppose, if today she might want to "say" something. So I wait.  And she waits.  So two people wait, listening, to see what the other wants to say. Then I move, and wait, just to see if...but no, she's still waiting.   And it's nice and we find the dance between us. 

But there are some women who want to say things and so we go with that and that's nice too.  Or we take it in turns, or something simultaneous happens, which is what I like best.  

Prácticas for guys

Ron Frazier

People asking for help from good social dancers, as opposed to it being imposed on them by bad ones, is extraordinarily rare, even in prácticas. People usually use practicas to dance, which points to a greater desire for social dancing than a desire to learn. That's fine. Most people don't want to learn after a certain point, they want to dance.

I wish people were more autonomous though.  New people often go to teachers they know nothing or next to nothing about, to learn, rather than assessing which social dancers feel best and asking them. I guess it's that issue, especially for guys, of not being able to get started, from scratch, socially.

A friend whose partner is a counsellor was telling me that his competitors often don't charge for a first consultation.  He is busy and charges because he can.  He finds if they pay for that first investment they tend to stay. When you offer a free session people often don't stick around.  It is that old idea that free stuff is not valued.  I find it amazing that when I ran a free práctica, I had fewer new people than when I run a class. In the practica you could get free, individual help.  Now I have a sizeable class, my attention is more divided, people get less individual help and yet are willing to pay (it's ridiculously cheap - £5 for an hour's class & 2 hours of practica, £3 practica only).  

Many women, maybe most women, pick up dance easily with experienced partners. I often feel like saying to many of the women: Really, you don't need to be here. Actually, I did say that, to a superb new dancer, just the other week. I danced with her and after no time at all could (and did) say: "You don't need me. You could dance socially straight away." I regularly do say to women, especially young women - go to the milonga, with friends, talk to people and you will get dancing very quickly. But maybe class is a kind of security blanket.

The ideal beginner situation for me would be a práctica for guys or people who want to learn the guiding role dancing with experienced guys and women who can guide well. I say women who can guide, but I mean those who haven't learned as most of them do, the manipulative, "thinking" way of executing moves from class, the same way most guys learn. There are women in the guiding role who practically have thought bubbles above their heads.

In this scenario, beginners in the guiding role wouldn't go near women until they have danced together and become good. But I'm not brave enough to do a práctica for those wanting to llevar, not yet anyway. The system that is going is getting many new people dancing, far more than came to the old práctica, but I guess this crowd didn't know about it.

Besides, some of the guys probably come to class because there are women to dance with. In fact, they do, because last week I got the guys to try dancing together, with the option to sit out, and after trying it to one track, at least 1/7, sat down when it came to swap. And yet, not all feel that way, I know.

Having danced with each other I am sure the men better appreciate the extraordinary gift that women (in the traditional role) are to men in dance.

And if they experience being poked, "driven", controlled, otherwise physically manipulated, or have moves performed on them that reduces or removed their agency they might, realising what that's like, think twice about doing it themselves

Missing the point

Reva G

If I only danced with people with great technique I would indeed be judging them, dancing according to an idea of dance “levels” I have never appreciated and which leads to the arrogance and elitism for which the tango world is fairly notorious, compared to other dances. 

A propos, did you see this post?

It's an advert for his book (if you read to the end).  He's a hard-advertising businessman and self-confessed entrepreneur  I've known about for a while, with multiple pies.  You can see the many tango business interests he cites on his Facebook page, the kind of thing that makes me extremely wary.  You'll probably guess that "love me" posts like this are not my thing. But the real point here is that this misses the point.  

Ten years ago I wrote about dance levels and that shocking attitude some experienced dancers have towards less experienced dancers: we'll dance with you when you're good enough. I think fortunately, that's a small minority and it's never been like that, for me.  

On the surface it might look like that:  experienced dancer  - don't even bother trying.  Snobby, snooty, or even, maybe (inaccurately): she only dances with women.  Thanks to the discretion of the milongas I don't know what they say.  Maybe nothing! Actually, though, lots of guys I don't dance with still chat with me so I guess they don't hold it against me. I never held it against the dancers who didn't used to dance with me.  One just wonders, naturally, if fruitlessly, what it is.

Yes, the guys locally I want to dance with are vanishingly small, but that's not because I don't think they're "good enough", the arrogance of which would be simply breathtaking, but rather because of incompatibility.  They have their way - expecting, demanding (even if they are unaware of it) the woman to do things, or just while they may dance the beat, it rarely goes much beyond that in terms of cadence say, or a subtlety that is to do with movement, music and the connection.  Their way simply is not mine.  We seem to hear, feel, want and are happy with different things.

I understand when people say things like "I think we can always find the dance between us" and I can do that, with beginners, but with guys or leaders who already have their way, well, that's the point, it's their way and the kind of often humourless dancer who dances "as though you're a carpet" to borrow a friend's phrase is not my kind of dancer.

For years I have done the opposite: not avoided beginners, but deliberately danced with them, especially beginner guys, because the "accepted" way of their becoming good dancers (via the traditional class) is like a perilous, almost always, doomed quest for the Holy Grail. And, therefore, because of the hope that if they see there is another way, they might just try it.

Anyway, I noticed today that the guy has another post about guy only practicas, asking if anyone does them. I wrote a piece about that last week which I thought I'd already published & will get round to soon.  Famous last words.

Technique: a short cut

Andrew Tryon

 I will get round to that interesting comment about creativity and technique.  Meanwhile, thoughts along the way.

First we would need to agree what technique is.  If it's this (for women) I have nothing generous to say but at least she's not playing with herself.

Technique is not something I am focused on.  I am not a technique zealot in the sense that some people bang on about the T word as the be-all and end-all. And nothing infuriates me more than people talking woolily about "the basics" without specifying what they mean, then, when pressed, reaching for "technique", again without defining it. Or vice versa. A recent (and typical) conversation in a practica went like this.

- So you're learning to lead in class? What are you doing?

- Oh, well, not steps, just the basics.

- Ah, and what's that?

- Well, technique.

- How do you mean?

- Well, just the basics, ocho, cross.

- Those are steps.

- Yes, well, it's just an opportunity, to practice, you know.

That said, I do spend most of my time before class, after class in the practica, in other practicas and a good amount during class, dancing, individually, with beginner guys getting them to relax their arms and hands, stand tall, share their chest, stop poking us with their fingers and driving us with their arms.

This is what I mean about having to "unlearn" through social dancing, everything controlling and mechanical people often learn to do in dance class. It is what my tango guide meant by sub-beginners: people who get worse, not better in dance class.

Some of the salsa people have quite "strong" hands and arms. I thought it went with that dance until yesterday when I danced, at a salsa practica in a different city, with a great dancer who was soft, sinuous and respectful a Colombian who I later found out was a dance professional.

Feeling stressed, controlling, trying to "drive" women is usually what happens when guys want to go straight in to "leading". If they danced in the woman's role first with people who don't do these things, none of this would be necessary because they would have an instinctive point of reference. That has been my experience. That is the short cut.

The main problem with male dancing

Yesterday at forró, a traditional Brazilian dance, somewhere between salsa and tango, I mentioned to a young woman that I was here partly through disillusionment with the milongas, mostly with the guy dancing. 

Is it because they dance steps? she asked, another woman again homing in immediately on the crux of the matter.

She has danced for six months but it was only her second time in the guiding role. Despite, at 5'1, being nearly a whole foot smaller than me, she was entirely natural, no hesitation, fluent, musical, even able to execute different moves.

There was a live band from London. It was mostly young or youngish women dancing together and it was a joy. Soft, gentle, unforced, musical. 

She asked me why I thought guys had this "step" focus. Was it something to do with their childhoods? 

- No.  I think it’s dance class focusing on steps and because most men try “leading” before being guided.

- It's the same here, she said.

It is probably the same in most dances.

- How do you find the guiding role?

- Scary, she said.

- Scary if you think!

- The real problem is that you worry you're boring the woman.

That old chestnut.

- It's a psychological trap. Woman don't tend to be bored when the dance flows.

- I know, she said.

- It's funny, isn't it. How we can know something to be true and also know we are being tricked. 

It's almost a test of mental strength. Or a reminder to ignore the thought and trust the feeling.

Beginners dancing well?

Todotango

Back to the comment on that post:

"I see the quality of dancing within 100 miles of me and I see a problem."

"people say fantastic things about those who stay [dancing with me]"

This kind of thing is always a nuisance and a bore.

One is tempted to assume the readers for whom one really writes see through that type of deliberate slur. One has an expectation of the reader and if they're not it then interest falls away.  I'm more than happy when that cuts both ways.  Aut visum aut non.  Aut sensum aut non. It's a bit like when someone tips up to a practica or class counting out steps as though there was some sequence even when you've pointed out there isn't. Or if a woman parades around you in an open hold as if the point was to peacock. What you have to offer really isn't going to suit them. There's a lack of compatibility. 

What's weird here, on the blog, online is when people don't even slug it out with you directly, or put forward a different, honest view, but try to be snide or sly.  They want to try to discredit you using the very things they accuse you of - in this case being judgemental, and presumably hope no-one notices. It seems to be an internet thing because it doesn't happen much in real life. 

One wonders whether one ought to unpack a comment like this for those who don't get it. I have a smart friend I discussed this comment with and even they didn't see it at first.  But, really, why bother? If readers don't get it, so be it. It is probably a mistake to give in to that temptation, and were it not for the fact that the issue of judgement (of which perhaps more another time) is an interesting topic, I might have left there.

Another reason to bother addressing this is to explore why shouldn't the new people already dance well for reasons unrelated to or little related to me?  

"Matthew"'s idea is to jam two separate things I said together to make them seem related, then for good measure to add on a falsehood to change what I said and to top it off with a jibe about judgement (via the link under their fictitious name handle).

So: this [dancing with me] is an addition which changes the meaning of what I said. 

Why is this a deliberate slur and not a sloppy mistake? Because of that ostensibly clever link via the name from "Matthew" of the New Testament. But it is a low grade sort of intelligence: crafty, sly, cunning, the kind we associate with foxes and low life Italians, via the word furbo - the kind of people who think the sort of base, transparent attempts at one-upmanship constitute cleverness. Is it a random stranger off the internet? Probably not unless a particularly sorry case, so possibly a disgruntled local. If there's one thing I have learned about teaching it is the politics regarding other teachers and even some organisers is horrendous.

There are a whole variety of reasons new people might dance well that have little to do with me and in the cases where they might have something to do with me, it is almost incidental: because I simply pass on things it took me years to learn, mostly from others, together with some reflection.

Why is it misrelated to say that people say fantastic things about those who stay "dancing with me"? I should point out for those who missed it, that there are two of us running these classes.

It's misrelated for that very fact but also because people could say fantastic things about those who stay because they are nice people, because they dance well, because they happen to connect well with each other, because they have a nice vibe. "People" (existing dancers) did in fact say it was because the new people dance well. Maybe they were being polite, but I doubt it. They didn't have to say it.

Actually, a surprising number of the new dancers do, in my view dance well, especially the women. Many, both men and women are sensitive, nuanced souls and these in my experience make great dancers. They have only had four lessons (three with me) so I'm not sure why that is. Then again, not everyone has stayed. Some women with great potential didn't come back and I hope they return for social dancing sometime, but then again some guys clearly focused on steps didn't either. Also, there is the question of like attracts like. 

Like attracts like seems to have happened with the Parisian queer tango dancers. You end up with people attracted to dancing with others who are not forceful, who listen to the music, who prioritize the connection with the partner. So you end up with a group of people who all like those things. Little wonder when they dance well.  When those people in turn have a lot of experience that is what the new people they dance with grow up on. No surprise when they in turn dance like the people they first danced with.

But are there other specific reasons they are already dancing well?

Those who have stayed have heard the idea of dancing the music and dancing the phrase, and the importance of knowing the music or at least listening to it, which is key to good dancing; that ultimately it is by making the music your own, interpreting and sharing it that is one of the keys to great dancing. The new dancers also seem mostly to be able to identify vals, milonga and tango, which is good going. They know that different orchestras have different sounds and styles even if they don't yet know what these are.

They have understood the importance of partner choice and invitation by look, without which there is rarely foundation for good connection. They know that we don't try and control or criticise our partner, that there is no good dance without feeling relaxed. Equally, that if someone in the traditional woman's role feels imposed upon in some way, then they should communicate that and not just silently put up with it.

They understand the ronda, the musical structure of the milonga and the basic codes of clearing the floor and the reasons for this relating to practicality as well as courtesy. If I have any "basics" they are these: respect for the music, the partner and the people around.

They understand that in dance there are no mistakes, there is just what happens and we take those opportunities for good humour, aware that often these are the best moments in a dance and move on.

They know that it is quite possible to dance very well with no classic tango steps. They know that the terms leader and follower while conveniently gender-free are also for other reasons, inherently problematic, that it is crucial that men especially at some point swap out of the traditional male role, ideally from the beginning. They know, I suppose, some points of technique: not slumping the chest or tightening the arms, or poking or pulling or driving, or duck walking or bobbing (for the men); they women know how to avoid the men stepping on their feet. Many of these things you feel when you dance with them. So many teachers "ration" themselves so students have to pay £100/hour for that "privilege".

It is no surprise then, when I feel and people say they already dance well - compared, say, to other beginners four lessons in, who may not have learned any of these things but who have learned how to "think dance" and how to railroad someone into an ocho or a cross. I would every time prefer a dancer first to feel the music and to sense the partner and to walk with the music and the partner in a way that is smooth, calm, confident but relaxed, than learn to analyse and replicate some move that looks as contrived as it always does in beginners. Why teachers always start with those moves which are far harder than other, more useful ones, I cannot fathom.

And it's not just me who thinks men should learn to walk well and musically above all and certainly before anything else.  I've lost count of the times women say they would far rather the guy walks well than tries lots of fancy steps. That's another thing this group knows: that there is a psychological pressure on the guy to "do stuff", to keep the woman interested, but that this is largely a false temptation. It depends on the woman, but most in my experience, women and certainly the ones I like dancing with, prioritise music, connection and humour over choreography, every time.

Slim pickings

Slim Pickings by _Veit_

The comments on the last post were really interesting & thought-provoking and I hope to come back to them.  Today I'm going to pick up on one that quoted 

"I see the quality of dancing within 100 miles of me and I see a problem."

...and deal with the second line of the comment in another post.

Yes, most of the dancing is problematic (for me).  More accurately I could say, most of the male dancing. I still dance with women. There are plenty of women who dance mechanistically in a typical, traditional dance class style and I avoid them. But it is the men who are the real issue. Or rather, actually, I am the issue. They find lots of women willing to dance with them. I just don't find guys I want to dance with. Apart from the automated, predictable steps, the forcefulness, the lack of appreciation of the music, they are a world away from what the famous social dancer, Ricardo Vidort describes:

"To be a milonguero, first, you have the feeling of the music, rhythm, cadence and your own style to dance; and when you do it, the music invades your body and mind and it begins the chemistry that makes you transmit to your partner"

There is no cadence in the dancing of nearly all the men I see locally. There are only two men in Scotland, one really, with whom I deeply enjoy dancing and never see or dance with, partly thanks to that harm then and later. There are another few with whom I occasionally dance mostly from some combination of friendship, longevity and because it's fun. But there is rarely that sense of the music invading them. When I say to a partner, usually a woman, and usually when I am guiding, that I cannot dance this track because I don't know it, or like it, that it is though a motor or fire or power source has been turned off, women can be surprised but are almost always understanding. Most men seem to have no idea what this is but then most men learned in class focused on dance steps. But I know what it is for music to invade you because without that I can't dance and I have no desire to dance. I have said before, it is like an on/off switch.

A guy came to class who had already danced for a few years.  It felt awkward but I couldn't quite put my finger on it, so I suggested we dance again in the practica.  Apart from the fact that I could hear him thinking dance moves, it was mostly fine, nice embrace etc.  But where is the music in you? But where is your passion for the music? Do you know this next piece? He didn't.  So dance the pieces you know and love and then you will feel the music move you.  When you have that feeling, let's dance again.

The other way is you lead them, and transmit your music to them but I didn't suggest it because I didn't like the track that had started.  Sometimes the music is shared both ways and that is wonderful, though I can't think of men with whom I have been able to fully do this.  It needs a sense of equality I more often find with women. 

A salsa teacher I remet recently, permeated with the culture, history and tradition of the country of her particular dance had the same issues regarding guys.  She too nearly always guides now, for the same reasons. It's fun, but it isn't the same, she said.  You could sense a deep disappointment.

So, socially we dance with women and beginners. But actually, I think I am stopping, and not for the first time, going to the milongas.  Despite good music at the last two milongas I went to, and one of them having over eighty people, I left early, barely danced. The wannabes hanging around the DJ and the VIP table of the current visiting "star" is also offputting. So there is rarely joy in the milongas for me there now, because of this lack and it is a long way to go just for the chat. Besides which, that unquiet ghoul is back in the milongas, needy, simpering, cosying up to men, monopolising them, like beads counted off on a string, even stealing the guys I am in conversation with, with an audacity, lack of tact and courtesy that is so disgraceful as to make one snort with the appalling hilarity of it. Most men are ultimately led by the cock and of course cannot resist the charms of a girl thirty or fourty years younger who looks practically a child. They are pushovers. She has nothing if not the ambition of a Lady Macbeth. 

But this aside there just aren't the people with whom one enters that deep sense of fun and flow and joy.  One could leaves the milongas depressed, frustrated and with a sense of time wasted if one did not know better how to counter these things. So I am exploring other dances, and not on the doorstep where that ghost haunts those local scenes too.  

- I really like dancing with the beginners. I mentioned to another woman who also dances various styles and who guides.

Really?

Yes, because at least you feel there's some hope. You can shape them.

Yes, she said, laughing. Exactly that!

She guessed immediately who the good dancer was. It might have been odd that she could home in like that, no preamble, but then she seems that kind of dancer.

- I love dancing with the beginners, I said to a nice man who already dances tango.

- Well, but it's nice to dance with old friends, he said.

- The beginners are my thing, really, have been for years.

It seemed like a different twist on something I remember my tango guide saying years ago, along the lines of, in his experience women start guiding when there isn't enough good guy dancing around. This is true, although I would never now give up dancing both roles. Perhaps I've been focused on the beginners for a long time because there isn't enough good dancing around full stop. One hopes they will become the good dancing, like Colin but with more longevity.

- Oh, I don't know, said the nice man.

- What do you mean?

- Well, beginners are all very well, but I prefer dancing with the people who can already dance.

- I was shocked.  And confused, because I remembered later that this man does dance with beginners.

- But if we don't dance with them, how will they learn?

- Well, youngsters are flighty, he said. If they stay it's a different thing.

- But if we don't dance with them, why should they stay?

He smiled and shrugged.

Paying for training saves time?

Guided tour, tango holiday, 2012, Sicily

Some thoughts on Anonymous' comment on The basics and technique:

They said "the best way to learn something is to love (be loved by) someone who is good at the thing." They gave examples of being born into the right family or picking the right person as an adult. Leaving aside the moral issue of choosing someone in order to exploit them for one's own ends - which I am sure they did not intend - I agree that individual help is probably best, though comes with its own risks and pitfalls because the investment is high on both sides.

Re "we pay for training cos it can help save time, otherwise we'd spend the whole time trying to invent the world from scratch".

Indeed. And in some cases, the method of hearing from another person is the best way.  This photo is of people listening to a tour guide.  No-one chose to spend the time reading about the place at the hotel instead.  But the difference is, a tour guide conveys, largely facts, albeit, one would hope, carefully curated, interestingly connected and told through illuminating stories. 

The problem comes in that learning to dance tango is not like imbibing facts.  

Neither is learning a language.  At a milonga on Friday I sat next to a man who apparently spoke different languages.  

- Oh, I'm very interested in how people learn languages.  What would you say is the best method?

- Well you have to work at it.

- Ah, yes? And what is the best way to do that?

- Well, talk to native speakers.

- You find that to be like work?
- Well...

- Surely that's quite enjoyable...and effective?

- What I mean is you have to learn new words and phrases and consciously use them. 

I speak other languages to a degree native speakers invariably compliment and never worked too hard at it.  Those words come out when they're ready, in my experience. I don't think I'm innately talented in that area. I think it's more that I have good, relaxed, natural method. It's my approach that is different from most people's.

When it comes to dancing tango, people have different ideas of what "dancing tango" is. Beginners, of course, just take what's offered at the nearest class or classes. A few come via the milonga/ practica.

I see the quality of dancing within 100 miles of me and I see a problem.  It is not that "tango is hard" - that shoulder-sloping excuse propagated by teachers churning out poor quality dancers and their acolytes.  The problem is generally with the typical dance class learning method. And there are other pointers: teachers do shows (adverts) and dance in a way that is not social, yet people pay to learn those same moves to apply in the social dance. That is pure sleight of hand. 

New dancers who danced often, individually with me are shaped by my perspective and sense of the dance which is focused on our connection and the music. It all starts with the connection.  The scope for teaching that is limited because it is formed of the feelings people have towards one another, how the couple feel right then in that environment and the personalities they bring to the dance. If you are stressed, controlling and critical in life, you will almost certainly bring that to your dance partners.

I like dancing with the new dancers and people say fantastic things about those who stay. But I don't click with all comers.  That's normal and a good thing. All new dancers select those they connect best with in dance friends, dance partners, teachers, guides. People often come who are stressed, controlling or have problems hearing the music and if there is goodwill on both sides these things can be overcome at least to an extent, but it is a bridge in which you meet in the middle.  That is to say you dance with them. 

I see dancing tango through a lens that is primarily about mind (when I am not dancing) and music and emotion when I am so I will never be interested in sharing a dance that focuses on steps and thinking.  I can immediately sense it the moment people start thinking about moves in dance and it is a total turn off. It is far more interesting when people independently feel safe and creative enough to explore the space around and between them in movement and to see what happens. Invariably, traditional dance moves emerge. 

In contrast, nearly all classes focus imparting the typical steps - it's an easy transactional exchange - you pay a tenner, we teach you a move.  So it's not that it saves time, it's that a different method produces a different outcome.  But most people are happy doing what they do, so I guess they think they got what they paid for.

In dance as in life

Since this is a huge departure from a major theme in this blog, I felt I should say: I have started teaching tango in a dance class.  I was invited, first by a group for whom I had twice done some historical guiding.  We were having coffee, talking about tango.  I had just said "I don't believe in teaching dance class" when the very next thing the lady said was "But will you teach us?"  I have not started teaching them yet.  Then I was asked by a friend who said he was going to stick a class in front of the event we were already co-hosting. 

So. More about how that's going another time. 

Cacu was the only individual in years I have had a lot of time for, as a teacher. I saw his practice was grounded in how we relate to others in dance and it is this idea and that the music is your guide and friend that I try to convey to new people who arrive thinking dancing tango is about steps.

But the undercurrent of how we connect to people in dance spills over into life. The organiser of the tango contact event echoed this unity. He said he liked Cacu as a person, first, as well as a teacher, that the line between them was not obvious, just as the activities in the workshop seemed almost to blend with the play in the park.

How a person is in dance is generally a reflection of them in life and vice versa. You dance with someone, you feel their personality. You can sense in guys whether they prefer the woman's role, you can tell whether someone is controlling, insecure, unimaginative, or are subtle, tuned in, fun. It's practically a superpower.

The grainy photo from ten years ago is a clip from a video of my boys aged 5 and 7 dancing to Canaro's La Copla Porteña in the kitchen.  You can tell even from that which was, that day, the earnest, focused, conscientious one (who has just got 7 As in his National 5 exams) and which was the one who wanted to seize the moment, mess about and have fun.

Roles and relief

Back home, I enjoyed the wildflowers out of a packet the council had planted in the local park. They reminded me of the contact tango dance weekend: disparate strangers crammed together, all a bit contrived, not all natural bedfellows and yet don't they look good? Aren't they doing amazingly well together and for the wider environment: the insects, the people who enjoy them? Haven't they come together, unconsciously, to be more than the sum of their parts?

At Cacu’s workshops, more than anything it was such a relief to find someone else seeming to value the things I value, which are often not considered important or relevant to dancing tango, especially to learning to dance tango:

(from here)

I have only encountered similar ideas in queer tango or dual role tango groups, and then not to the same extent. I am sure it is because these dancers dance both roles. It seems to me that they are often better, in the sense of more sensitive, more aware of the partner, than conventional dancers.

I know next to nothing about tango-contact bar what I saw that day from people who were almost all new to one or both dances. Yet almost by definition it seems to transcend the idea of 'roles' and it is that transcendence I already love & espouse dancing tango. In my case that transcendence has less to do with gender; it is more that without predetermined roles dance becomes about response & exploration & presence, absolutely not about leader, follower & figures, words I have always resisted.