In the milonga a new partner asked if I wanted to keep dancing the next tanda. Let's see what the music is like, I said. We chatted instead, whereupon he shortly began talking about how tall people are less co-ordinated than smaller people. Finding this gauche and confusing I moved away soon after. But no, said a friend in explanation later. He would've meant you're the exception.
No, said another friend, When someone talks about bald men being less intelligent, I automatically assume they mean all other bald men but me, he continued, with his charming, wicked grin. Why are some of us more perplexed, specifically more bothered than others by things of this sort ? This week I may have found the answer.
You may recall recently the outline of a causal chain: freedom > possibility of independent choice > possibility of good things happening. It should already be evident that there are lot of "ifs" in these fragile links. I am reminded of an analogy with the many elements required in the environment of a milonga if good things are to happen (Something Alive).
For years I have mulled over why I seem more bothered than most people - "fussier" - about music, about dance quality, about the conditions for a good milonga environment, about how people behave in the milonga, about parallels between the milonga and life, about what there is to learn from the milonga, not least why I seem to think about all of these things more than many. A sense of otherness can lead to problems with career choices. In life too, things bother me that don't seem to bother other people.
Now I know. It's because I'm an orchid! This BBC article mentions it, though why it is entitled "the rise" of highly sensitive parents I am not sure. Sensitivity proclivities seem to be at least 50% genetic. Modern life is quite stressful for most people, probably more so for orchids so if there are more orchids maybe that is why.
Some 30% of us are orchids, apparently, although some of us may be disguised dandelions with the remaining 40% being "tulips". In a word, orchids are sensitive. So you believe everything you read on the internet, countered my fourteen year old, drolly. But 'Sensitivity Research' is an international team of academics focused on this topic.
Orchids have heightened perception and heightened empathy. Orchids process their experiences more. They are reflective, with deep inner lives and are strongly affected by what we see and feel. They also become overwhelmed by things more easily than others - by things to do, noise, smells, by what they perceive as stressful situations. That is not all good news for longer term health. I scored near the top end of orchidness. Those in this category probably need to protect themselves more than some from experiences that we would find stressful but others might not. I am sure many orchids already do try to protect themselves from such environments by withdrawal: in terms of the milonga, by withdrawing from poor milonga conditions, crass comments or being very choosy about partners.
On the other hand, while orchids are more damaged by harmful situations, they also benefit more from good experiences. It takes more for them to thrive, but on the other hand they take deeper pleasure in their positive experiences. This rings true for me too. You wonder why people are not as affected, as giddy with pleasure about some experience and write it off as personal preference but now there may be another reason.
But you would be mistaken in assuming all orchids are precious and need hothouse care. I found orchids growing on some stony "waste" ground near my house this week besides a broken football, piece of pipe and some discarded fencing.
High sensitivity is correlated with introversion but is not the same. Similarly, "Importantly, although some known disorders (e.g., autism, sensory processing disorder) are characterised by heightened sensory sensitivity, it must be noted that these disorders are fundamentally different from the common temperament trait of sensitivity." I wrote to Sensitivity Research about that use of "disorder" and wondered if fighting other people's battles is an empathy-based orchid trait.
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