Learning to say no

Noticing - Jonny Hughes

A guy being a moscón, feeling women up, forcing a woman into the embrace, dancing for themselves or forcing moves on you - it’s not OK. That’s why it is more than ok - necessary - to say no.

Learning to say "no" to guys is a process that is not natural to a lot of women. Some will say that this statement diminishes womens agency in our modern world, but I have much empirical experience that demonstrates the truth of it.

Women know they don't have to have sex with guys they don't want to. So why do they accept being pulled into an unwanted embrace on the dance floor? Why don't they realise what is going on? When I ask women this they become uncomfortable. The realisation that we don't know how to say no to guys outside of the bedroom becomes a sort of shame, or at least of discomfort: that sense of being forced to appear impolite versus compromising what they personally are happy with. It is that fear of not wanting to appear impolite that some guys play on.

In the absence of guys waiting for the subtle signal from the women to show interest women can at least learn to protect themselves better. That takes noticing - recognising - that they are uncomfortable, reflection as to why and a desire to do something about it. That is too much for many. It can be easier to put up with it, not think about it or drop out.