Begging

"A plea for a solo leader thinking of going! I've registered on my own as solo follower, but this means that I will likely be put on waiting list and may not even get in - or that if I do get in it will be at last minute and I'll have to pay high costs for hotel+transport. Anyone out there that can help me out by agreeing to register with me to improve chances of getting in? Please? Pretty please?"

I saw this today on Facebook.  It's a woman begging for help to get into a tango marathon.  I know the people who run this marathon.  They have always been courteous to me.  I never 'applied' to go to that marathon because I knew there was a selection process and like many I couldn't bear to do something so undignified as be 'selected' to join, especially by people you know and have danced with.  I heard the marathon might have been fun if you were in the young European set but older, local dancers I spoke to who went found it snobbish and cliquey.  I think it's probably the same experience for many people in many similar events. 

I don't think it does to pin your hopes on any tango event or even milonga.  It's just too unpredictable - the venue, the floor, the music, the sound, the hosts, the atmosphere, the dancing, the things people say.  Years of experience tells me don't make a milonga the focal point of any day and then you can only ever be pleasantly surprised if things turns out well.  For me, now and I see the same in many people who have danced for years - going to a milonga is a optional extra, something you do if your friends are going or you want to do something in the evening after a day doing something else.

I went to the marathon in Sheffield after Christmas because I was invited - a completely different thing.  I went to two enucentros in Spain because I had heard they were less likely to do that kind of selection and in any case, for one of them it was the first time they were running it, when organisers are less likely to be choosy.  I am going to the Totally in Tango even in Toulouse in July, but the organisers makes a point of not having a waiting list for all the stress that these entail. Besides, it's for dual role dancers, who, if they are anything like me are much less fussy about things like gender balance - one of the main reasons for women ending up trailing on a waiting list.

But this poor woman, reduced to begging to strangers, in public.  She handily lists the disadvantages of a selection process for us:  the inconvenience and indignity of being put a waiting list, of waiting for a man.  Woman in the know don't wait for men.  I remember reading that of the protagonist in Tango & Chaos years ago.  They use their power so that, if anything, the men wait on them.

And this being put on a waiting list, for a dance in which decorum has a status, where begging for dances is unseemly.  I'm sure this woman doesn't beg for dances, so why does she beg to get in to an event?  Perhaps she thinks her enthusiasm will move the organisers.  Even once on a waiting list she knows she may not get in or only at the last minute when she will have to pay through the nose for travel and accommodation.    Eugh.  Why do it?  

Perhaps, once in, they pay you!

The Frog and the Nightingale: a cautionary tale

I came across this poem today and was delighted, though not surprised at how many themes also appear in The Outpost. Such ideas are, of course, often connected. There is the rapacious, unscrupulous teacher preying on the gullible novice but there are other parallels too: that students are quarry to such types, as novices, but as such they are also prey to a natural insecurity and possibly to vanity, both of which make them easily exploitable.  The poem reminds us how shows make money no matter the unsavoury things that go on behind the scenes; about the harmful effects of endless training; the vacuity of trills and frills (think, 'adornments' in tango dance training) which the frivolous crowd laps up and the relentless pressure to be (supposedly) better and better to no good end.  Saddest of all the poor nightingale had known in the beginning, the truth: that what mattered was that her song was her own, not something mimicked from a stranger, a self-styled 'pro'.  But she traded that belief for a pipe-dream in aspiring towards somebody else's idea of what was good.  

The crass and cynical frog knows very well that truth about originality, authenticity and the things that make us uniquely individual.  He knows those are the things, natural and free that are of true value but he rubbishes them because there is no profit in that.  He sets up something false for sale instead, knowing how the credulous are easily swayed:

"Said the frog: "I tried to teach her,

But she was a stupid creature -

Far too nervous, far too tense.

Far too prone to influence.

Well, poor bird - she should have known

That your song must be your own.

That's why I sing with panache:

"Koo-oh-ah! ko-ash! ko-ash! "

Incidentally, note that the untrustworthy frog's accent is Italian.

The Frog and the Nightingale

Once upon a time a frog
Croaked away in Bingle Bog
Every night from dusk to dawn
He croaked awn and awn and awn
Other creatures loathed his voice,
But, alas, they had no choice,
And the crass cacophony
Blared out from the sumac tree
At whose foot the frog each night
Minstrelled on till morning night

Neither stones nor prayers nor sticks.
Insults or complaints or bricks
Stilled the frog's determination
To display his heart's elation.
But one night a nightingale
In the moonlight cold and pale
Perched upon the sumac tree
Casting forth her melody
Dumbstruck sat the gaping frog
And the whole admiring bog
Stared towards the sumac, rapt,

And, when she had ended, clapped,
Ducks had swum and herons waded
To her as she serenaded
And a solitary loon
Wept, beneath the summer moon.
Toads and teals and tiddlers, captured
By her voice, cheered on, enraptured:
"Bravo! " "Too divine! " "Encore! "
So the nightingale once more,
Quite unused to such applause,
Sang till dawn without a pause.

Next night when the Nightingale
Shook her head and twitched her tail,
Closed an eye and fluffed a wing
And had cleared her throat to sing
She was startled by a croak.
"Sorry - was that you who spoke? "
She enquired when the frog
Hopped towards her from the bog.
"Yes," the frog replied. "You see,
I'm the frog who owns this tree
In this bog I've long been known
For my splendid baritone
And, of course, I wield my pen
For Bog Trumpet now and then"

"Did you… did you like my song? "
"Not too bad - but far too long.
The technique was fine of course,
But it lacked a certain force".
"Oh! " the nightingale confessed.
Greatly flattered and impressed
That a critic of such note
Had discussed her art and throat:
"I don't think the song's divine.
But - oh, well - at least it's mine".

"That's not much to boast about".
Said the heartless frog. "Without
Proper training such as I
- And few others can supply.
You'll remain a mere beginner.
But with me you'll be a winner"
"Dearest frog", the nightingale
Breathed: "This is a fairy tale -
And you are Mozart in disguise
Come to earth before my eyes".

"Well I charge a modest fee."
"Oh! " "But it won't hurt, you'll see"
Now the nightingale inspired,
Flushed with confidence, and fired
With both art and adoration,
Sang - and was a huge sensation.
Animals for miles around
Flocked towards the magic sound,
And the frog with great precision
Counted heads and charged admission.

Though next morning it was raining,
He began her vocal training.
"But I can't sing in this weather"
"Come my dear - we'll sing together.
Just put on your scarf and sash,
Koo-oh-ah! ko-ash! ko-ash! "
So the frog and nightingale
Journeyed up and down the scale
For six hours, till she was shivering
and her voice was hoarse and quivering.

Though subdued and sleep deprived,
In the night her throat revived,
And the sumac tree was bowed,
With a breathless, titled crowd:
Owl of Sandwich, Duck of Kent,
Mallard and Milady Trent,
Martin Cardinal Mephisto,
And the Coot of Monte Cristo,
Ladies with tiaras glittering
In the interval sat twittering -
And the frog observed them glitter
With a joy both sweet and bitter.

Every day the frog who'd sold her
Songs for silver tried to scold her:
"You must practice even longer
Till your voice, like mine grows stronger.
In the second song last night
You got nervous in mid-flight.
And, my dear, lay on more trills:
Audiences enjoy such frills.
You must make your public happier:
Give them something sharper snappier.
We must aim for better billings.
You still owe me sixty shillings."

Day by day the nightingale
Grew more sorrowful and pale.
Night on night her tired song
Zipped and trilled and bounced along,
Till the birds and beasts grew tired
At a voice so uninspired
And the ticket office gross
Crashed, and she grew more morose -
For her ears were now addicted
To applause quite unrestricted,
And to sing into the night
All alone gave no delight.

Now the frog puffed up with rage.
"Brainless bird - you're on the stage -
Use your wits and follow fashion.
Puff your lungs out with your passion."
Trembling, terrified to fail,
Blind with tears, the nightingale
Heard him out in silence, tried,
Puffed up, burst a vein, and died.

Said the frog: "I tried to teach her,
But she was a stupid creature -
Far too nervous, far too tense.
Far too prone to influence.
Well, poor bird - she should have known
That your song must be your own.
That's why I sing with panache:
"Koo-oh-ah! ko-ash! ko-ash! "
And the foghorn of the frog
Blared unrivalled through the bog. 

Vikram Seth

Social learning

The idea of social learning - people learning from other people in a way that is not top-down and hierarchical is not widespread, it's not a well-known, good 'thing' like in everyday awareness 'recycling' or 'saving energy' even though it happens all the time - in families, between friends, in mentor relationships and even some apprenticeships.

It is about experienced people guiding newer people in settings which are the real conditions in which what is to be learned applies. It is not more about experience and competence than about that often masquerading label “a professional”. Sure, I want a qualified doctor to operate on me, or a qualified electrician to work on my house, but more than that, I want someone who understands what I need, someone I trust and who has a lot of experience. Just because you call yourself a professional it doesn’t mean you have that.

Community run dances and some Charles Rennie Mackintosh

Because most people who have learned to dance just want to dance, they don’t tend to think about showing new guys how to dance, by well, just dancing with them.  It isn't, for many who think that learning is only something you do in class, one of the things you do to bring new people into the scene.  So, sadly, beginners are often largely ignored.  It is the cultural legacy of that sink or swim attitude which infects scenes run by elitist and usually controlling individuals.   You can recognise them because they are notoriously unfriendly, or will even talk about the downsides of being too generous.  

There is however a community run practica in Glasgow.  Glasgow does already have the redly named Glasgow Tango Collective which was set up in the vacuum left after a teacher moved away and his milonga ended.   It runs classes, a practica, a monthly milonga and special events.  However, as with many of these ventures, it is really run by a teacher plus friends and I am not sure if the practica and milonga would survive independently of the individuals who set it up, as would a true community initiative.

This newer venture, called Tango Mac has set up in a little known Charles Rennie Mackintosh building, the Ruchill Kelvinside Parish church hall.

It is off an unprepossessing section of Maryhill Road populated by tanning salons, tattoo and betting shops, nail bars and a Vape City.   It was not, as far as I can gather, set up purely from altruistic motives. In a dramatic dagger-and-revenge move the rumour was it was initiated to supplant and shut down a teacher-led practica which runs at the same time, on the same day practically round the corner.   This seems to have been largely successful since the numbers at the old practica when I last went in the autumn, had dropped from about forty attendees to a handful.  I heard it continued thus until this old practica, which used to last for 2.5 or three hours, changed its format to be an hour and a half.  It is now also split around two lots of lessons, making it attractive only to those who do the lessons or the private classes.  That is actually useful because it keeps the social dancers away and usefully separates social dancers from class dancers and their very different styles of dance.

But from this dramatic start better good things may yet grow from that (metaphorical) spilt blood.  Teachers were involved in setting up TangoMac from which one might suppose it was just another of the tactics to close down other teachers that happen in the tango world.  Over the years I have seen these shark-like attacks are shocking in their flagrant callousness and viciousness and yet are remarkably common.  

However, this practica is not preceded by classes as the other one is and ordinary dancers take it in turn to host and to DJ meaning they gain experience in these things.  It is, potentially, just the kind of place where people might learn from one another. There are, though, not as many younger dancers in Glasgow as there might be.  For a cosmopolitan city, Glasgow is in many ways quite traditional (though nothing like as conservative as Perth!) and a small-c conservative community, with a core of older members many of whom are already paired up in couples is not going to be as open to guys learning both roles, or even the concept of learning outside of class, as a generally younger set like the university tango society in say, St Andrews.  Still, more people have a stake in this venture, have hosted it, have DJd for it and so its survival looks more assured than practicas or milongas that depend just on one or two people.

I went for the opening event on 15 September last year.   I haven't been back yet. The floor is not the best and was slightly damaged in one part.  I danced only one traditional track because the music was mostly cover versions of traditional tracks, modern orchestras or the more dramatic, 50s end of the traditional era.   Over seven years I have noticed music in Glasgow has been consistently less traditional than in Edinburgh.  I was delighted to be asked to DJ there but I like to DJ for people who prefer and appreciate traditional music, the well-loved popular classics that have been danced for decades and I do not feel this is yet the case in Glasgow.  You can see how popular and busy this event was here with no chair not taken.

All was not lost though.  I chatted with friends. Blane, as ever, cajoled me into a better mood and Kate was there with whom I love to chat.  She mentioned this book and we talked about Spanish history.  She told me about Oviedo, the Asturias and its role in the Reconquista.

Exterior, cafe interior and top floor, former gentlemen's room

 I feel now I should go back, even for the social bit and there is so much of Mackintosh's work I have yet to see in Glasgow.  I have been to the Hill house which is now under renovation.  In October last year I visited the gorgeous, newly restored Mackintosh at the Willow tearooms on Sauchiehall Street, the only one still in its original location. 

Design details

'The Lighthouse' is another Mackintosh building.  It was his first commission, to house what were the offices of Glasgow's newspaper, The Herald. It is down one of Glasgow's unsalubrious alleys not dissimilar, but not quite as bad as this one.  There is a bright neon sign to show you the way.  Mackintosh is known for the design of the exterior of this building.  It may not seem like an obvious  Mackintosh building but there are faint hints of what is to come in the future, around the top of the door for instance.  You can read more about The Lighthouse building here. Sometimes they run tours which are well worth doing.  Inside there is a permanent exhibition dedicated to Mackintosh and his work. 

The gates that form part of the side entrance to the building are interesting.  When aligned together, they reveal the face of Margaret Morris, Mackintosh's wife.

There is still lots of Mackintosh I have yet to see, notably the House for an Art Lover and the Mackintosh House at the Hunterian.  The new V&A museum in Dundee also houses the restored and reconstructed Mackintosh Oak Room, the largest interior that he designed for Miss Cranston's Ingram Street Tearooms in Glasgow.

I loved the Tango Mac building where the practica was held.  The exterior hints little at what there is inside though there are clues, especially around the lower windows.

It has some elegant  features:

  

The building is used as a community hall and those features are in desperate need of conservation and restoration.

This elegant panel and archway houses the loos! 

There is a combination of the Mackintosh trademark geometric cubes and the flowing lines, curves and oval shapes (featured on the window above).   Much is beautifully understated.

Some of the teachers involved in setting up this event run an  occasional tea on the other side of Glasgow with more alternative music and superb cakes.  One of the teachers is also an artist and made the attractive business cards in the Mackintosh style.  Here is the special inauguration cake for the new practica which has now been running for six months.  

In May 2015 I was delighted to post about Dundee tango society which, in its new incarnation outside the city had set up a community practica though it soon turned class dominated. Their social dancing is only quarterly but the community-led milongas when I last went were in almost every respect very nice.  I last went in June 2016 and October 2016 when I think I danced one track, but have not been back since.  That is because of the music which is played by the teachers and the dancing that goes with that sort of music.  It is not the popular classics, played and loved for decades, that I enjoy and need for dancing. 

More recently, last month I went to TangoAires, a milonga in Liverpool that I had been trying to get to for several years.  It has existed for 8 years, run in that time by different people.  The entrada was cheap for most milongas in the UK: £5.  I asked about the price and the milonga's history. It had been made into a social enterprise with a formalised structure meaning that the organiser could not as she said in her own words "just take any profit to spend on tango shoes".  The whole idea was apparently to make it a community initiative, not something for one individual's benefit.  I have to add that Helen is a quiet, and a wonderful dancer.   Unsurprisingly, but unfortunately unlike most of the men there, she also dances both roles. There was plenty of good music and I found there some of my favourite UK (women) dancers. The only problem was how busy the floor was in that relatively small space, which describes that milonga's popularity.  

Learning from teachers

In the UK, probably in Europe and America too, many of those one finds in the milonga have done classes. Even people who believe a lot of what is said here in The Outpost still go to classes. One guy goes I think because he gets more dancing with women when they don't have the same choice they have in the milonga - although I doubt he would comfortably frame it in those terms. There is a lovely reader of this blog who teaches and I am curious to see what his teaching is. 

"Learning from teachers" is almost a contradiction in terms because you don't really learn from educators.  You learn from exploring and from guides.  An educator just wants to stuff your head with things they want to tell you or that will earn their keep.  Most seem grossly out of touch with the needs of the people they should serve and serve it should be and should be thought of, yet still it is not.  Teachers do not serve those who should learn from them.  They control others, they decide, they are in charge, they make themselves figureheads, someone special, someone deserving particular respect.  Oh, how we and our poor children are gulled and brainwashed.  

For part of his homework recently my bright nearly ten year old was  told to: "Taking care with punctuation, write the name of: a) your teacher; b) your school".  So after five years of schooling they are being asked to recall that proper nouns have a capital letter....  

This is sadly, par for the course.  We don't bother with homework like that any more.  We used to do it when he was younger.  The drama, the upset, the misery of making a smart five, six or seven year old who had already been in school all day come home and write out words they already know, three times and then put them in a sentence as well.  And that was just the start of the homework.  After years we woke up.  I woke up.  School dominates too much of our time already without insulting homework such as this wasting our precious home time together.   We have moved school twice and will do so again at my son's request but it is the same everywhere, at least in our council area.  Various friends in England have said, "tell the governors" but 'egalitarian' Scotland doesn't have governors, they have toothless, useless, unhelpful 'parent councils' who hate to rock the boat and don't ever raise any issue remotely "difficult".  In fact, that supposed equality in Scottish society is just a mask for anyone who can to grab power, as unsurpisingly was reported about head teachers domineering over parent councils by Glasgow's Herald.  An earlier article in the same paper discusses that problem of unaccountability in Scotland's schools and how governors would be better.

I asked my son recently what he likes best about the school he is currently at, which is under quite horrific, not to mention menacing management and is backed up by the even more menacing regional council which is heard regularly trotting out platitudes in the local paper in response to the arson in school, smoke bombs, child on child vicious attack, widespread bullying and suicidal children in their area of 'responsibility'.  It is all very sinister.  PE and playing in the playground he said.  It is a shame they don't see that for themselves and can't build learning into more of those sorts of games. But actually what they are learning (or rather, not) has, sadly, become the least of my concerns given all the problems with the management.

The respected Argentinian milongueros Tete, and Ricardo Vidort taught (both deceased). Bennie Bartels teaches; Christine Denniston taught (listen to her here, on music, for example). I haven't met any of these people but they are ones who, as I have heard it from others, did or do not teach the typical way or are people worth listening to.  Some dance teachers I know, particularly Argentinians, have interesting and useful insights but you hear that usually one on one.  I don't even mean in a private lesson - just in conversation. The valuable stuff is not what you learn from them in class.  

Dual role dancing

I find dual role dancers tend to be better dancers. Sometimes it is called open role dancing.  These days, I notice I dance with very few men unless they are dual role dancers.  I just don’t tend to fancy them for dance.  Now I often seem to be able to guess, even without seeing them dance, which guys are the dual role dancers, or who might be open to it.  It's a bit like how, in Sheffield, I started to be able to guess the kinds of guys that were more likely to prefer me to guide them.   Outside the queer tango community, many dual role dancing men are in their twenties, under 35, but by no means always. I love too to meet older men who dance both roles. It says a lot about how liberal-minded they are.

If you can find a dual role dancer to learn with, so much the better.  Most queer tango dancers I have met dance both roles and most dance much better than most straight dancers. The reason queer tango dancers (who may be straight) dance well is nothing to do with their sexual preferences, which are entirely their own affair. It is because they dance both roles. The Queer Tango Edinburgh subtitle is: Queer can be who you are, what you do or how you dance. I rather like that. It also says Tango for everyone, which I really like. 

The current acronym, if you are interested is LGBTQIA: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual or allied. I particularly like allied because it welcomes even people not in that community.  That sounds open and welcoming without in any way labouring the point.  A place that welcomes curious people sounds good to me.  That inclusiveness reminds me of the Paris milonga Le Cygne (I haven't been yet), which Olivier runs. I think I asked him if it started as a queer milonga. And I think what he said was that it started as a milonga or perhaps as a practica for everyone in the city centre. And now, he said, wonderfully, and with much understatement, and not least, in his charming accent, it is hetero-friendly. 

During the last couple of years there has been a rise, in Europe, of events for dual role dancers. I will go to my first one in Toulouse in May, with Totally in Tango.  This seems to be the main organisation in Europe that runs events for dual role dancers.  So far the events all seem to have filled up and sold out very quickly. My enquiry in September last year for the Eindhoven event in Feb 2019 was fruitless - it was already full. I had a very polite email from Ludo who told me TiT don’t run waiting lists. I couldn’t have agreed more that they are stressful for all involved. 

I like the line on their website: It can be so amazing when you do not know anymore who is leading and who is following. It all becomes one dance.

The website says Dancers that enjoy both roles are welcome. Even better is that on the events that are not already full it says Is your friend/partner (still) a single role dancer? You are both welcome.  So if you wanted to learn both roles, there's an 'in'. 

At the moment, their events attract more women than men. A participant at an event last year told me the ratio was 70:30 and I heard that confirmed about Eindhoven too. Overall though, I find women better dancers in the ordinary milongas so that is no issue for me. If there were any guys who danced both roles, or wanted to learn, that would be a good thing. Given how many queer tango dancers I met in Sheffield, UK, in December, who were from Germany I was not surprised to hear that the Netherlands and Germany are open-role-tolerant communities. 

The dance events I am most interested in now are the dual role events. They are growing in number. Most recently I saw an announcement in the Open Role Tango facebook group that Amsterdam apparently now has regular queer and open role milongas: 

I missed Niño Bien Maraton in Halle, Germany in February when it was my son’s birthday. I noticed that, wonderfully, as in the Dutch Salon de Oranjerie, you could buy tickets online.  That means there is none of that selectiveness on the quiet by organisers that puts me off many weekend events requiring registration.  There were a few places left in January, but according to the Facebook post most tickets sold out in the first week after registration opened. 

There was TangoCrosswise in the Harz mountains of Germany this weekend just past.  I had heard about it from someone who went last year and said it was nice.  None of the German queer tango dancers I spoke to knew of it but they tend to travel on the queer tango weekend circuit.  It was in Veckenstedt, a small village far from...everywhere.  I struggled to work out how to get there, enquired about that, had no reply and eventually gave up trying. By the time I discovered travel info on the other website it was too late to make arrangements.  If you are travelling from abroad it is probably at least a plane, a train and a bus. Or be braver than I was (despite learning to drive in Germany) and hire a car.

There is not much else that I know of in terms of weekend social dancing for open role dancers or any city that has enough open role + queer tango dancing to make a weekend of it.  Dresden seems to be big on open role classes and runs a social weekend which mentions dual role tango but it is called 'Iron Tango', and it is run very evidently by a dance ‘academy’ and both those things put me off.

The only other event I know of is the open role weekend in Bonn, Tango oRó in mid September. I rather fancy celebrating my birthday there! The floor looks good in the pictures. The music is 80/20 traditional/alternative music which is good to know in advance. It is organised by teachers but there is just one discreet link to their dance school on the About Us page. The main effect is the fun, casual, colourful photo of four smiley people. Registration starts Sunday 2nd June, 5pm. There are 100 places and apparently, it sold out quickly last year. It is €125, for the milongas, food, yoga and footbath sessions.

Ignoring beginners

You know when you go into the milonga and you see new people, beginners, or a beginner, and no-one is dancing with them or even talking to them...or they are, but they're lecturing them about how to dance, humiliating them, publicly.

It's easy to see people get caught up with 'being someone', strutting their stuff in front of everyone else.  You can see it all the time. It's a non-verbal form of bragging.

When I first met that guy and he said he was a beginner I said, delighted:  "Oh, good!".  His face brightened.
- "Really?" he said.
- "Yes, of course.  Why?"
-"Well, it's just that that's not the typical reaction"

How sad that that is their experience.  I hope more people will change things for them.

Guys learning: a case in point

There was a typical example last night of a young guy learning to dance in the woman's role in the milonga. He originally encountered tango in a bar in another country. The local tango club used to go there  - after lessons I think he said -  and they put on tango music in the bar. Somebody gave him access to their music which was mostly electrotango and he loved that music. He didn't dance then, feeling as though he knew nothing when everyone could dance (apparently) so well. I felt sad none of these experienced people had introduced him to dance.  But later, he found his own way.

He was a beginner. We talked about learning. I asked which guy's style he liked best in the milonga that night.  He mentioned a nice man who has a nueveo style. It fitted with his preference for electrotango.  I was a little surprised that a beginner could pick out a style they liked.  My memory as a beginner is that everyone else just looked good.  I mentioned to the subject of this respect later that the beginner was keen to learn from him. When I said later to the beginner that the guy might be willing he said: Oh,  I expect he didn't want to give away his moves.  This was in fact exactly what the guy had said but I would be surprised if he didn't help him.

The young guy was keen to explore another scene known for the numbers of young people, where they also dance to a lot of alternative music.  I asked him if he had 'followed' much. Not much in tango apparently, nobody really did in his area. But he had once danced lindy hop as a beginner and found dancing as the man so traumatic that when he came to dance blues he had insisted on dancing in the woman's role, which had worked for him.  I was impressed he had all the right instincts for the kind of music and dancing he wanted.

Since he worked in sales he said he had realised when a tango teacher started talking to him about private lessons that there was a vested interest and he replied that he wanted to dance with more people first. When we danced, he was in the woman's role and he closed his eyes. Later, he came over to invite me to dance again. I hesitated because he was not ready to dance the man's role and invitation from a man - outside the queer tango community - is often an invitation to dance in the woman's role, but because he had tried dancing as the woman and because he was a beginner I agreed. Maybe he saw the hesitation because he immediately said I could 'lead' if I wanted, and we stuck with that. He was open-minded. I thought he was courageous though I doubt he thought of himself that way. When I had arrived at this milonga my first question had been whether there were any men who danced both roles but the answer had been: not really. I did not see any other men dancing both roles and  - apart from one guy who left early - he was the only man I wanted to dance with that night. In everything he said and did I found good instincts. 

There were people at the milonga who danced other dances.  In the cortinas, the DJ sometimes let them run so these people could dance their other dances. It was informal and fun.  Early in the evening we all watched a nice, quiet couple who dance lindy hop very well dancing in a corner of the floor to a track that started as a cortina but became their own private dance that others soon became aware of.  Everyone loved it.   I knew then it would be the highlight of the evening and while I danced a couple of good tandas that evening, it was. 

Guys learning and practicas.

Man learning with a more experienced dancers in a practica, 2022

I think guys have to learn in the woman's role. It can be in the milonga, it depends on the guy and the stage they are at. It depends on both people really - how comfortable the more experienced guiding dancer is in guiding a beginner guy. The main thing is, in the milonga, the couple can't mess up the ronda for other people or stop or talk obviously about learning because it interrupts the flow for other people - not just the physical dance flow but the atmosphere too. And it can be hard to move a beginner guy - they are bigger and heavier in general than women. In my experience, in general, guys have a harder time letting go than women. When women do it, it's called trust, but many guys think of it as loss of control. And some new guys just don't feel comfortable in the milonga with better dancers around, or because they're in the woman's role - all sorts of reasons.

So for some people, practicas will be best, especially for the second stage of learning (the new guy in the guy's role). The problem can be finding a practica. Teachers tend not to be that interested in them as they are not financially rewarding.  Community run practicas don't seem to be that common but most scenes seem to have a practica of some sort and if not, why not start one?  I would love to have a practica near me.  I just want one other person with whom to run it and there is not such a person near me.

 And what about finding a guy who will help you?  In a way it is understandable: what connection do you, the experienced dancer, have to some strange, new guy that walks in, some potential future competitor? Guys tend to want to dance with women, not other guys. And they aren’t your friends so…?    But as I said before, there is goodwill in the social scene and it is a question of putting out there what you are looking for: for guys or women who guide to show you what you want to learn. I think you will find someone who will show you in most local scenes.  Even if there is only one person, once you have learned too, that makes two of you disposed to bringing on new people. After that, the numbers grow exponentially.   And, if you take responsibility for your own development instead of outsourcing it to teachers of dance class whose primary interest is in the money you bring in, you will already be listening to yourself, to your instincts and to the responses from your partners. You need instinct for dance and that is destroyed when you are deafened by being told what to do.  Recall though, a lot of people, even outside of dance class, will try to tell you what to do.  You need to be assertive about your learning, while remaining open, while also listening.  A bit like dancing, it is a fine balance.

Before there were lessons or formalised, hierarchical learning structures with someone controlling vulnerable new people, or a tango industry based on money, guys learned from other guys in their neighbourhood and that was because, it is said, women wouldn’t dance with guys who couldn’t dance.  Many women (here in Europe) though, will dance with guys who can’t dance well. And a lot of guys are satisfied with easy women. The trouble is, once you, as a guy who can’t really dance, are seen dancing with women who can’t dance, plenty of women who can dance just are not going to be that interested any more, not for a long time.  That is fine for a while because most new people just want to dance with anybody.  But then you find yourself hoisted by your own petard.  You want to dance with better dancers but they have now seen what you can do and they don't want to dance with you...

A lot of people jump in at this stage and start moralising about how we should dance "socially" which is thinly disguised as "give charity dances".  I think that's demeaning for both parties.  You dance with commitment because you want to, not out of pity, because you feel for sorry for someone.  I can't recall when I danced out of pity.  It would be so undignified all round, so patronising and therefore disrespectful to the person you dance with and to yourself.   No, you dance with someone, of whatever experience, from a desire to embrace that person and move together to music.  Else  - and by now you must surely know what's coming - it is just going to be mechanical dancing and what kind of dancing is that?

To avoid this scenario, you don't start by being seen in the milongas by the people you are ultimately going to want to dance with as a poor dancer.  You check out the milongas first, and not just once or twice.  The new guy learns what it is like there and who he wants to dance with.  Invariably guys dance because they want to dance with women.  So why then do they make their learning process not about the woman, why do they make it about class and direction and mechanics?  If the guy does it the other way, the woman or women he wants to dance with stays as the focus of the learning process.  So, he checks out the milonga and then he asks a good dancer to dance with him in the woman's role.  Even one dance, for three minutes will be a great opportunity.  Is that is an overly ambitious target for any guy?

If you, a guy, are reading this and you think I can't bear to dance with a  guy - and there are plenty of guys who do feel this - then I have nothing more to say, except recall TangoFabriek El Sur in Antwerp where their local symbol is an amputated hand.  There are always exceptions and I am willing to be shown otherwise, but in my experience, men like this simply don't make good dancers.  

There are two stages: the man learning to move as the woman in her role. If the learning guy is receptive enough there's no reason it can't just look like dancing (to others). That part can happen in the milonga. I have done that a lot with beginner guys, probably just because that is where I tend to go myself.  Guys may have to pay, privately, to learn the woman's role, if they can't find anyone to show them but I would be surprised if they have to resort to that.  There is this weird idea that the only people worth paying for private lessons are dance class teachers.  Many dance class teachers dance terribly.  If you have to pay someone, pay someone whose dancing looks good or has felt good to you; someone you see dancing socially.  How is that such a radical idea?  And yet no-one does that.  The chances are the social dancer will just show you - so you get great dance help, for free.  Are we so obsessed with inverted notions of value that we think thing are only valuable when we pay for them? So, ideally, you will not learn privately with an 'official' teacher who will be a) expensive b) fill your head with insecurities and unnecessary things and thinking, whether deliberately or not.

And then there is the second stage guy learning the guy's role.  Once you know what it is like to dance as the woman and you feel you are dancing with partners and it feels good and you know the music and you want to dance the music and you feel those shoots growing that tell you it is time, now you start to dance in the man's role. Or perhaps you always did swap roles.  That is another way.  But you are still going to dance with the same more experienced partners.  This is usually with men but in queer tango or student communities, it is often either sex.  Only this time you will be guiding.    I think that probably has to be in a practica. It can be a fast process or it can take a while but it will unquestionably be faster than in dance class. There are other good effects of dancing both roles: it is easier, less stressful, more effective; you know what feels good for women and what doesn't.  You need a practica for learning something new in the guy's role because when you are learning a new thing, it is nigh on impossible to manage the move and your place in the ronda at the same time. Either you try, which is a useful experience or you just go in the middle of the ronda where there is more space. You have, at least, the awareness of other people around you. In a milonga, it wouldn’t be right, but the practica is like a milonga with the understanding that some people are going to be practising things and may not cope as well in the ronda. I believe it is crucial to practice whatever new thing you learn very quickly in a ronda, to the music. It comes together much more rapidly. 

You also need that partner who already knows how to do it and who understands how you feel unsure about something as you learn a new thing; otherwise, apart from anything else, the pressure is terrible to try and guide someone who wants a nice time when you don't know what you are doing. When you get stuck, or you want help, you simply ask the person you are dancing with who can already do it.  When you are unsure the encouragement you get from people who can already do it, is beyond price.  I can't thank enough the people who have given me that and yet it is such an easy thing to give.  I can't imagine trying to learn those moves with someone who didn't already know them in the 'leader's' role. It would be high pressure, frustrating, it just wouldn't make sense. And trying to learn a new thing with a beginner woman? Sheer madness!

Imagine though, a guy who comes to the milonga to listen, watch, learn, meet people, chat but doesn’t dance - he is immediately an object of intense curiosity. Why won’t he dance? And then we hear he is learning the woman's role. Is he gay? Apparently not. How interesting! He comes again. He still doesn’t dance in the milonga, or he only dances in the woman's role.  When is he going to dance with us?  But still he doesn't.   And then one day he turns up and he does dance with a girl and he can clearly dance. Now that guy has gone to somewhere near the top of the list of guys girls want to dance with. 

I would love to hear stories about how guys learn outside of classes. 

I said there are always exceptions and today I am going to contradict what I said recently about not going to milongas with classes before them and go to a milonga with a whole day of preceding classes. But I am going mostly for a change of scene and some tourism in another city.

How I learnt to dance both roles I:

These days it is not so common to find a case study of how somebody learned to dance in the man's role without or rather in spite of dance classes.  People are often surprised that I learned to dance the man's role like this and they often ask how guys can learn without classes.    

A lot of the process of learning both roles was learning what didn't work.  Essentially, that was in class.  I learned to dance the guy's role by walking and very quickly by dancing to music I knew in the milongas the way you hear guys used to.  It is important to choose understanding women.  I didn't think about steps, about dancing.  It just happened.  Key is to know the music and to already know what dancing as the woman feels like. Much later, I learned specific things by asking guys in practicas to show me by dancing with me and then swapping roles so I could try it out on them. None of this was a plan.  It's just how, through trial and error, things panned out.  It was a much better way than learning through class.

See also:  How do you learn to dance tango?

Stunted growth

Learning in the milonga or the practica is unmistakably different and not for people who want a tickbox to check their progress. I met a woman in a practica recently who has danced for perhaps a year. She said her progress was slower now. 

- What do you mean? 

- In the classes, there was just so much information, I couldn’t process it all. So now I haven’t signed up to any more. I come to this sort of thing instead. 

Her body had sensed the more natural way to learn but her mind still equated progress with being in class. What a sad conflict! I felt sorry for her though because looking at the guys there, with all those good instincts, who could she learn from? Yet despite those good instincts she accepted poor dancers and seemed happy enough.

What can you learn in the milonga?

We are only, of course, talking about those who never were much interested in dance class. I meet them often: people who just pop in to see what is going on in a milonga or people I chat to in life who are generally interested in dance. The 'viable' ones then are these, or people, like ‘Anonymous’; who commented on Choice, who try classes, find something wrong there, and start questioning it - safely anonymously. :)

Of these, there are those who want to dance the traditional man's role and those who want to dance as the woman and more often than not, at least at the moment, those align with biology.  Many women learn easily just by dancing with experienced partners - it is so commonly said, outside of dance class as to be uncontroversial. I see and experience it for myself when I go to the milonga and watch new women dancing with experienced guys and when I dance with them myself.

What about the men? There is so much to learn just from being in the milonga - how people dance, how invitation happens. By just turning up at the milonga one has already done the most important thing: going to the natural environment. Class is not the natural environment for social dancing. In the milonga there are all the choices mentioned before; there is also a ronda, there are people watching, there are tandas and cortinas. These things all make all the difference to how people partner and dance. There are worse ways to learn than hanging out in a milonga and chatting to people over a drink. It is comparatively cheap, too.  £3, wonderfully, in one of our local milongas, compared to £15 for a workshop, say. 

Most of all, along with all one sees, one absorbs the music, naturally, effortlessly so that when one comes to dance that piece, body and mind already know it. There is that sense, of a sudden, when you want to dance a great piece, of being impelled to stand and dance. It is like electricity, fire, energy, it is a power that comes directly from the music and fills you. You can’t force that. You have to wait for it and it comes from knowing the music. People who talk about good dancers being able to dance any piece is rubbish. Perhaps, but how well?  You dance well the music you know and love. Anything else is likely to be acrobatics, fakery or mechanics. 

‘HB’, commenting on ‘Choice’, said he had thought milongas were not places to teach and learn. They are not places to teach but there is so much to learn there. But learning in, say, the milonga a beginner may not dance the first time and some people are not prepared for that slower, more relaxed way of learning. It is like learning a language. You listen first, for quite a long time. Then, slowly, you learn to talk. It’s a different pace to class, an entirely different rhythm. 

My advice to new guys is to come to the milonga or a practica, watch, listen, talk to people; decide for themselves and through observation and talking to girls which guys dance well and make these guys their model, realising that different women like different things. Those guys may show a beginner what they do in a practica or outside the milonga. Despite the odd, scary one or two who think beginners have to earn the right to talk to or dance with experienced dancers there is generally a lot of goodwill towards beginners even if it isn’t immediately apparent.  You may have to look for it and be careful where you look. It is just a question though of striking up conversation and seeing what happens. It amazes me how little people exercise their own judgement, that they don’t ask each other much how to do things, that they don’t, much, figure something out together or approach someone who knows and to ask. Why doesn’t that happen more often? 

I was talking recently for the first time to a very experienced guy who I have seen for years in the milonga but we have never danced or even really chatted. We had a great conversation about the history of tango, milonga culture, all sort of things, during which I asked him how another guy, who was dancing, one of the best local dancers, did his ochos with seemingly no movement in the chest. He said: “Don't ask me, ask him”. That was enough for me to approach the other guy too who I don't really know and he offered to show me some time. There is a lot of good spirit and kindness in the milongas. A lot of stuff happens if you hang out there, watch, ask questions and make it known what you are looking for.

Talk-inflicted ailments

A:  I was dancing with her again and then trying to get her to pivot, but she kept stepping. So after a while I would try again in the middle of just walking, and it wouldn't work & she could tell & I didn't want her to feel bad and I said it was me & if she would bear with me. Anyway, eventually I did show her a pivot and everything became easier and more fun and suddenly we could do more. It was great. But it did involve talk!

B:  Talk-inflicted ailments do often respond to talk-based remedies. But the fact you have to use a talk-based remedy is itself a talk-based ailment.

A:  What was the talk inflicted ailment?  The class?

B:  Class is not an ailment.

 "trying to get her to pivot, but she kept stepping "

A:  I think in class they were only walking. In fact I know they were.

B:  Solo or with someone who could not dance, evidently. See "stepping" above.

One day, you be able to cure her direct -- and the only side effects will be good ones.

A:  [sigh] I don't understand.

B:  You will.

A:  And what do you mean "cure"?

B:  See " trying to get her to pivot, but she kept stepping " above.

A:  I wish I could have got her to pivot without talking, but I couldn't.  I did try. So you're saying I should've stopped?

B:  No. Probably you both learned something :)

A:  If I stop I don't see how I will ever learn how to get her to do it.

B:  Figures :)

A:  I don't feel I make progress dancing as the guy & it's because I'm not sure how.

B:  Good you know the reason :)

A:  So...keep dancing?

B: That's all I would do.

Dancing with new people

Now, I find dancing with non-dancing women is usually straightforward - unless the woman is very nervous.  But it is a joy if that woman realises there is no reason to fear.  But it is also why class, and even a milonga where they meet a predatory guy can be such a dangerous place for such girls.  A bad encounter can destroy any remaining self-esteem in someone courageous enough to attend but fearful and distrustful.  It isn't really true to say the person can walk away.  If they are new and vulnerable, they probably don't feel they can easily excuse themselves from someone supposedly 'helping' them but actually damaging their confidence.  That is why I think it is great when experienced dancers do what they can to prevent or try to repair any harm they see from 'pie-hunters' or those bent on becoming their controller.  

In Britain, I do not usually see experienced dancers dancing well with new dancers.   Either the really good ones tend not to bother, or they might but have controlling tendencies.  The experienced but not good dancers lecture them or just don't dance well.  The last place where I saw many experienced guys who looked good and who danced with many new (young) women was Milonga Popular in Berlin four years ago. 

I see good dancers get the sense of the new woman and 'just' walk together in the way that is evidently most comfortable for the woman. They don't try to make them do the cross or ochos, or even, with some girls, pivoting.  They simply find their balance together, their sense of one another and walk. Depending on the experience of the (guiding) partner, with most women that all comes much later, much, much later than classes would have you believe. None of this needs any talking. 

With guys, I almost always only dance with beginners in inverted roles because I believe new guys have to learn in the woman’s role. They need to 'get' the dance first, to know what it's like to be guided, what feels good and what doesn't. That is why it is useful for men to be guided by both experienced and inexperienced dancers.  As well as realising what feels nice, they can discover how awful it can be to dance with someone who has no experience of what it is like to be on the receiving end. And it is just that - a realisation from being shown. No-one needs to tell you stuff when you can feel it so much more efficaciously for yourself. 

Imagine - or perhaps you have experience of - the pressure of trying to guide someone when you have little to no idea of what you are supposed to be doing. I feel so sorry for men in this position, even though they choose it. They make life so hard for themselves. That teachers, who teach in a beginner on beginner, guys lead, girls follow way, do this to guys strikes me as a particularly insidious form of torture. And in doing so they pander to outdated notions of gender stereotypes - but apparently it's OK under the banner of (purported) choice! Guys choose to do this. Only, they don't really, because they are not told about an alternative. That is because they would get good too quickly, realise things for themselves and go off to the milonga.  Out walks the cash cow.

So when guys learn to dance as the woman it puts less pressure on them. Once they 'get' what the dance is, knows what it feels like to be the woman, are familiar with the music, then it is time to have a go themselves. How can they guide, musically - which is what dancing is - when they don't know the music? If you don't know the piece, you are not dancing, you are faking, being an automaton. Where is the well-spring of feeling, the energy that comes from music known and loved? There can be none, if you don't know the music.

Guys tend to lurch more than women in my experience. They move differently. Even guys who dance both roles but are, mostly, guides, tend not to move quite as smoothly as many women. Some you can feel holding back and that is because it is such a different experience for them. Some commit even more than women, which can mean they lean on you too much. It is always fascinating dancing with guys in swapped roles. 

For a long time I wondered if the reason guys lurched more than girls was in part because practically no guys wear heels. Yet many women don't wear heels and don't lurch, so I wasn't convinced.  So for many years my tango ambition was to dance with guys wearing heels. Finally, I met those guys at the Sheffield queer tango marathon in December. But before I danced with them in heels I danced with them wearing flats and by then I already knew it wasn't the heels that was going to make the difference. Many guys there, the French guys I danced with, danced better than most women I dance with. I nearly always guided them. It was just, heaven. I don't know why they moved so well. I suspect it was just that they are experienced in that role. Many of those I danced with seemed to prefer it and embraced that role naturally, so perhaps that had a bearing. When I danced with those in heels it didn't make all of the difference. It was just a slight difference. They moved so smoothly sometimes I was not even consciously aware whether they were in heels or not.

I find you need to protect yourself sometimes with guys - I mean guys who are not those great queer tango dancers. You can't be leant on or pulled because you will easily become injured.  In that case it is just a matter of dancing in the open hold, which, with new people is often how they are most comfortable. If the guy seems good and we swap to traditional roles but it isn’t nice I simply swap back and do to them what they have done to me. Then I dance with them in the way that feels nicer. If guys don’t even feel the difference then that’s a warning that they are probably never going to get it.

Taster sessions

Most new people one meets have already been damaged by classes. In women, this is more reversible than in men. There are a few teachers who are nice to dance with but I often sense a lack of true connection or that they are analysing the dance which is disconcerting. So, like most of us, the people I usually want to dance with are good, experienced dancers - women who are usually years away from classes; in men it usually means decades away from them. Or, I want to dance with those very few with less experience but who are high on seeking connection; or I want to dance with beginners, as yet uncorrupted.

Social dancers don’t tend to meet beginners unless they come to the milonga or do a taster class before a milonga. I avoid milongas with classes beforehand because the general dance quality is so poor but I do go to ones preceded by tasters. 

People who come to tasters tend to scarper between the first and the fifteenth minute of the end. It's fairly rare even to find them staying to watch the beginning of a milonga.  Most leave in the first five minutes after class, so if you want to dance with them, claim them to the social side, nurture them, you have to arrive early as there is only this short window. 

To a beginner, the gap between the taster and social dancing looks huge but an experienced dancer can change that view. The best way to do a taster is to buddy up the new people with people who can actually dance but I have never seen or even heard of this done in practice.  Maybe teachers don't want newbies get too much of a taste for dancing with experienced people.  Why?  Their hard-sought new customers might walk away from paying lessons and go to the practica or milonga instead.  Thus beginners are kept away from experienced dancers.  The talk is of things like "picking up bad habits".  A potential resource is seen instead as a threat.  Teaching is all about "I", what the teacher knows and what the teacher can tell you. 

Recently, I danced with a beginner guy from a taster, in inverted roles. He seemed to enjoy it. He was good. I passed him on for his next dance to a guy who has danced for a perhaps a couple of years and can dance both roles. But instead of dancing with the new chap he spent most of the tanda in a corner of the ronda, haranguing the poor guy about how to dance. Understandably, the new man left after that. As he was going, I told him he had an aptitude for it. That can be enough to get them to come back. I said: Don’t listen to what people tell you about how to dance, especially if they are not fun to dance with. That includes this advice!  He laughed. The only thing that counts is dancing with people who you feel are nice to dance with. But there are not many good dancing guys I could recommend him to talk to or learn from so all I could do was cross my fingers for him. 

 When you next see new people they have usually already been been ruined by the class they signed up to in the interim.  They are puzzled why you don't really fancy dancing with them any more. Nearly all of them soon drop trying to learn to dance tango which is the tragedy of all this. Exploitation ruins those who might have become good social dancers. 

The resolution to this would be practicas with the kind of music experienced dancers like to dance to, holding regular tasters for new people. But there is no decent practica in that city that I go to. I might have gone to the local monthly milonga and looked out for the new guy there but the DJ this month plays very little traditional music, so I won't go. Practicas generally are thin on the ground.  To nurture beginners you need practicas and a sense of community - not top-down community but experienced people far from class, just dancing with new people, swapping roles to show how things feel.

Listening

Words on the creative process which apply as much to writing as to dancing tango and learning to dance tango:

A long time ago you stopped listening except to the answers to your own questions. You had good stuff in too that it didn’t need. That’s what dries a writer up (we all dry up. That’s no insult to you in person) not listening. That is where it all comes from. Seeing, listening. You see well enough. But you stop listening.

- Hemingway to F Scott Fitzgerald.