Milonga cultures

Charamelody

First drafted 24.4.15 

Milongas are social occasions.  Lots of people go to a regular milonga to socialise, watch and listen more than to dance.  They do it because they are new, they aren't feeling like or up to dancing, or they just feel more like chatting than dancing.

But why would people think “real” milongas are intimidating? Because they’re ignored, not included? Perhaps there is an idea people might not dance with you if you’re not good enough? 

But most people aren't like that. We aren't made to ignore distress or fear, or if we do, we feel bad about it. Our natural impulse is to be friendly, helpful, agreeable. Everyone understands what it is to be new. Many people do like to help when they see someone new - they say hello, include them, welcome them. But have you noticed how places have cultures? One shop has friendly staff, the other has a bad reputation. It is the same with workplaces, institutions, milongas, any place where the same or similar groups of people are to be found regularly. Cultures, even small ones, are ineffable yet contagious. In unfriendly cultures, people can get ideas to ignore people, to look down on them, to "dance at their own level", to “be an inspiration”.

18.6.24: Since writing this piece, the one milonga that had this reputation did a survey, years ago now, that exposed this problem.  I think it made hosting efforts to change. Hosting goes a long way but it's what regulars do with new people, with visitors that also counts. Being sociable doesn't have to mean dancing a close dance like tango with someone you don't really want to.

Another practica, that catered for people, mostly older, or new people who struggled to get dances.  This became known as the 'friendly' one. However, piranha like behaviour there from older, poor-dancing men towards new young women, resulted, rightly, in complaints.  

Now, dancing was split between the two original milongas, of twenty + years standing, and the new practica.  The new practica was successible, began a monthly milonga that pulled in sometimes three or four times more people than the original milongas.  Its critical mass meant it attracted not just the dancers from its cousin practica but others too. A monthly, alternative milonga, apparently very popular opened up. Fewer people were going to original milongas by now, maybe for other reasons too.  It shortened its hours on one of the days.   I liked that milonga best but at least now there was diversity, which is healthy. Young people are the lifeblood of any community.  If they don't come in, the scene will stagnate and die. 

Thus, milongas and dancers find their own level, not necessarily level in dance, just where and who they best fit.