Hi!

Reaching out Derry / Londonderry, Kenneth Allen

Everywhere I go, milongas, social events, music events, even latin fiestas with famously sociable latinos, I usually talk to strangers first.  Like most people everywhere Latin American people will not necessarily reach out to you first either.  Nearly everyone, everywhere, waits to be reached out to.  That's one reason new people sit, not talking and feeling uncomfortable in milongas.  

I nearly never regret it and never yet with people from Latin America.  Most people are delighted to chat, but most people will not initiate conversation.  At a fiesta at the weekend I struck up conversation with an Argentinian / Colombian couple, a Scottish woman on her own with whom I shared my tres leches dessert, an Ecuadorian dancer, a Colombian guy with a Saudi girlfriend, a young Colombian guy on his own, a Uruguayan woman and her Venezuelan partner, the Dominican ladies serving food. 

I also met a few people I knew and introduced all the Colombians to each other.  They called me the networker. After a while one of  the organisers came to chat.  

¿Cómo se enteró del evento?

- Había asistido al evento anterior.

This time though I was now about the only unpartnered non-american person present.

- ¿Lo está disfrutando?- 

- Claro. Llevo aquí ya cuatro horas! 

I was a paying customer, but nevertheless you say, Gracias, por darme la bienvenida.

- No, por supuesto.  ¿Qué le había pasado a la mujer escocesa?

- Ah, se fue. Quería tomar algo. Encontró los intervalos entre las presentaciones demasiado largos. No se había dado cuenta de que no eran tanto intervalos, sino oportunidades para charlar.  

- Exactamente, así es.

- Tampoco hablaba español.

- Ah, sí, entonces, claro, es más complicado.

She also didn't initiate conversation but then not everyone wants to.

Later, to my delight, it wasn't me doing the reaching out.  A Dominican guy struck up conversation.  ¿Cómo aprendió a hablar español? ¿Cómo se enteró del evento? ¿Puedo presentar al presidente de la asociación?

- ¡Mucho gusto!

- Encantada. Es un placer estar aquí con ustedes.

Perhaps I should have said 'honor' but I am still feeling my way.

- Gracias por su apoyo. ¿Cómo se enteró del evento?

Support?  There was a split second of a mental wobble as I reassessed things.  I had come for fun and education, but they considered it 'support', gracing my attendance with better, more selfless intentions. I felt I should be rising to an expectation and responded with appropriate compliments, how lovely it was to be there, to watch the dancing, listen to the music, hear the stories and share the cultures. 

- Y también porque me gusta cómo, en América Latina, se ve el mundo y se relacionan con los demás.

- ¿Es diferente, no? 

- Sí.

My ears were blocked, the music was loud, despite the clear Dominican accent I didn't know the people I was talking to.  Nonetheless, I'm pretty sure I was invited to the next event.  

So in the milongas if you are not dancing much and want a better time, just say Hi! Ask a question, make a complimentary comment about anything really.  It doesn't matter what you first say.  No one will remember anyway. I find if I am just interested and look out for conversational pathways these lead to other areas of chat.  If you can't find anyone to chat with, enjoy watching, listening. And if that isn't working, go home! 

 Later I spent a small fortune on food to take home for my children.  I wondered if I did this for more apoyo or more to save me cooking.  It didn't really matter; there was still a lesson there.