Safe space

AmaniTheLion1996 from United States, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

Trying to escape, to edge out of the circle, I offered my place to an amateur musician with a guitar who had just arrived. Confessing my sense of uselessness, I told her she would be doing me a favour. Thus began a conversation in which she said she had read that apparently scientists had measured that musical performers experience the same flooding of cortisol as elite athletes. It transpires it is an area of study that has been compared for some time. There was huge relief in knowing that what I felt was a phenomenon that was recognised and understood. I wasn't weird. It was normal.

But the other people in the barn just for some reason didn't experience it, or didn't experience it to the same extent. On the contrary, they seemed very keen to contribute. She explained there was another side to the playing together. Apparently, it could release happy chemicals.

So how did the musicians get over the fear to find the happy chemicals? Did they have no fear? Did they take a leap of faith? Did they grow up with the chemicals as soon as they started playing with other people, so there never was any gap to leap? The voice is more personal than an instrument. Perhaps it's that. I was keen to find the happy chemicals, but didn't want it to be like a cold water swim.  Or was it supposed to be like that?

She offered to play with me and suggested a practice outside. This was the true safe space, not the designated one. It took five months of attending folk sessions to find it, to get that offer. She didn't teach, she just supported with the guitar and then shared her own song. I can't describe the relief and sense of gratitude.

There are parallels with dancing tango: how hard it can be for beginners and / or people lacking confidence to find someone to help get them started, one-to-one, in a natural setting. People mostly tell you to go to class, or lecture you on how to do it, or you struggle to find your way on your own, most likely getting discouraged and dropping out. It is so rare to find someone with experience who gives you that time and that space to just try things out in a way that really does feel safe.

We never did the performance - because that is still what it would have been. I was content.