Cortesía

"La cortesía es el más exquisito perfume de la vida"

                                                                                                - Amado Nervo

 People from the Americas are endlessly, wonderfully polite.  

A guy I had already met a couple of times, who already danced wanted to learn to dance tango.  He had already shared much about the music of his country. I figured it was my turn.  But you don't just dive to your point, as you might in the UK.  Hi, great to meet you the other day.  I'm going to the milonga. Wanna meet up?

No, so I wrote how much I had enjoyed being at the fiesta.  My sense, from how la gente americana often speak to me, is that is how you start, by laying out offerings, in words.  I hadn't, til now, thought of it such concerte terms, but it is rather like that.  You look for ways to be respectful and complimentary.  People notice and respond the same way. 

I have always liked vous in French, the polite form of 'you'.  It implies a formality that requires our best selves. Usted in Latin American Spanish is more adaptable.  It can mean respeto, it can mean cercania, it can mean distancia, cuando se pelea.

I remembered a conversation between Colombians on the subject of tú  and usted :

....por ejemplo, yo viví con una señora mayor en España. Y la señora mayor se sentía muy rara cuando yo la trataba de 'usted' ,o sea, ella me decía: “Pero tú ¿porque me dices así?” Ella no sentía normal la conversación mía.

Una de las leyes fundamentales de la cortesía, said the Spanish writer Noel Clarasó, es la resistencia al primer impulso. Vous, usted in Spanish, implies that.

I wrote,  

Me encantó hablar con todos, ver los bailes, escuchar la música y las historias. Me encantó la historia sobre La Pola. Me encantan estas fiestas donde la gente se reúne para charlar, comer y bailar. Me parece que los dominicano/as son personas muy especiales y felices. Ver a ustedes bailar bachata cambió por completo mi visión de este baile.

I had already met him twice so wrote with the informal tú, being still unused to saying usted which is hardly used in Spain.  Since I learnt Spanish hablando, con la gente, mostly in social situations or with friends, or in Spain, I only ever needed tú.  

After writing, I remembered the guy had addressed me previously with "usted".  Because I had not thought there was a big age gap between us I had found it unusual. No, said a Bolivian woman a few days later.  In most of Latin America people say usted to una extraña - someone they don't know. 

The guy switched, replying with "tú", probably so I did not feel embarrassed.  Despite this, his words still contained the slight formality we might call old-fashioned if translated yet which is so common in that part of the world and which I find so affecting. 

Es un grato placer saludarte. Es el momento ansiado para aprender un género que me gusta,respeto y valoro mucho.  

The lines overflow with courtesy and respect.  Thus one is reminded that ansiado means something like 'highly anticipated', 'eagerly awaited'. Now grato, 'agreeable', a new word for me, will forever be associated with this sentence and un grato placer.      

This kind of courtesy, when I hear it, it is often connected with a pride in one's country and a delight in sharing its customs and culture.  It occurs to me suddenly, that perhaps people from the Americas are often proud to represent their country, in ways we  - with history catching up with us - often no longer are; and so it is no surprise when they speak with pride and courtesy and respect.  

Mi Pueblo es maravilloso porque celebra sus penas y sus alegrías, es para mi un honor saber que te gusta su esencia.