Follow my lead!

When you follow from fear!

A:  "But why do you think you "go wrong" in dance and make mistakes?"

B:  "Well, I feel I don't do what they want.  And the men tell me.  They say I'm 'not following their lead'."

What kind of interpersonal relationship is that - when someone keeps telling you you are wrong?  What kind of relationship is it that as someone embraces someone else they criticise them?    This piece was drafted back in 2016.  The following year the #metoo movement took off with the Harvey Weinstein allegations.  Since then we are perhaps more alert to abusive relationships. 

People follow best through trust, not fear and the body is more truthful than the mind.  A female body does not want to embrace a male body that keeps telling it is wrong or is going wrong.  No"body" wants to embrace any"body" that keeps being told that.  Small wonder then when you see class dancers in an open or semi-open dance "hold" instead of an embrace.  Ironically, it was an experienced teacher who once told me you be able to tell which couple will dance well from the way they first embrace.    

If the "follower" is being lectured by the "leader" there will be no true embrace and the hold will be more like a vice in which he can do unpleasant things to her.  If we don't want to be tempted by biscuits that are bad for us we don't buy them in the shop.  If we don't want to be treated badly, why accept men who lecture in dance and push us around like shopping trolleys?

 "You are not following my lead" is a cruel and tragic commonplace akin to "You are not doing what you are told". This is about control more than dance.  If people tell acquaintances and strangers on the dance floor that they are "doing it wrong" one wonders what they say to their employees, children, partners.